Lindseyb
Savvy September 2021

rsvp declines - anyone else annoyed?

Lindseyb, on July 21, 2021 at 5:02 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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I realize people have lives and other things going on, but when we postponed our wedding 2x and gave people ample notice, I expected more people to accept rather than decline… and what takes people so long to go online to RSVP?! It’s been 2 weeks and we only 60/150 in.


Most of my friends are coming, but my FH friends from law school/work and our family/friends who live out of state (who have the financial means) have declined. Some with valid reasons like giving birth but some with no reason at all. It feels kind of poopy to get the reject notice and I can’t help but take it personal. FH doesn’t mind.. and half these people he hasn’t seen in YEARS but still talks to… so I guess I can understand people not wanting to make the effort esp. if they have kids to deal with. I still can’t helped but be annoyed - like you had all this time to plan and you didn’t? Or didn’t want to? Boo!!! LOL. Idk. Anyone else feeling down by this?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on July 22, 2021 at 3:26 PM
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    I completely understand how hard it is to feel rejected like that, and also be disappointed. You just really can’t take it too personally because while they may not give you a reason, they probably still have one. Plus there’s still Covid happening and some people just don’t want to travel or attend a wedding, even if they’re vaccinated or they have the means to do so.
    Also did you send RSVPs 2 weeks ago? It takes about 3 business days to get delivered and also 3 business days to be mailed back and that’s if usps isn’t delayed. More will come in, and most will actually come in right around your deadline. People procrastinate.
    • Reply
  • JM Sunshine
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    You actually have quite a decent turnout with responses if invitations were just sent two weeks ago. I know the declines are hard not to take to heart. I really feel for all Covid brides who postponed several times. I think some guests have also become "fatigued" with multiple std's to the point that they stopped planning for it. I did notice your wedding is on a Sunday, so then you'd be expecting out of town guests to take time off work as well as have travel expenses. It's also during the school year for those who have kids.
    • Reply
  • C
    Super April 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    Never assume others financial situations. Unless you’ve seen a current screenshot of their bank account, 401k and debt statements - it’s completely inappropriate to speak to this. Even if they “seem” wealthy. Anyway, it sounds like it’s mostly FHs people and he doesn’t care so doesn’t sound like much of an issue.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    The year we got married, we got invited to 7 weddings. 7. That’s $1400 worth of gifts minimum for us, plus attire, hotels and/or airfare if traveling, arranging childcare for 7 weekends, etc. Sometimes people have to pick and choose what events they attend and if some of these people are people your FH hasn’t seen in years, I can’t understand why they might not make your wedding a priority.
    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Devoted September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    THIS. We have several weddings within 6 weeks of ours and one of us is in each of them, so any others that pop up we're going to have to really consider but likely decline, especially if it requires travel. We could normally afford it but we've got too much going on. Don't take things personally because you may not have the full picture for someone.

    I had another situation like this a few years back, three of my good friends from college were all getting married within a few months of each other, one i was the maid of honor and the other two were on back to back weekends. I had to decline one, and said yes to the one that was more affordable for me.

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  • Monica
    Super October 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    I understand. We postponed 3x. Have had this new date for over a year and my cousin told me she had 2 other weddings to attend same weekend as ours. 😐 hmm ok then. We have had our date for over a year we should have dibbs but Okay. Of course at the end of the day it is what it is, whoever wants to be there will be there for us but it does get annoying.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Expert September 2021
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    We did only online RSVPS and only have 60/240 responses so far. Our wedding is in September and think a lot of people will respond closer to the date.
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
    • Flag
    I can see why it stings a bit, but on the upside at least you have less people to pay for
    • Reply
  • VIP August 2020
    ·
    • Flag

    If you're really receiving a lot of unexpected declines, I'm sorry for the disappointment. If you're actually disappointed about not having received as many replies as you were expecting right away, they'll continue to trickle in. We only gave people about 2.5 weeks to rsvp and while we got a lot of replies right away, we still had to track down responses from a large portion (like a third) of our guest list. Even the replies we had to follow up on mostly ended up being yeses. Many people were excited to come, but had lost track of or forgotten to mail their rsvp cards.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine E.
    Expert May 2022
    Jasmine E. Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. Weddings show you who your true friends are. Hopefully those who feel closest to you will say yes. And, as others have said, many people don't RSVP until the last minute. You should wait until your date passes and then call anyone you haven't heard from.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Devoted June 2020
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    We have an uncle who does event planning and when we started out he said he didn’t want to be overly involved but had to tell us the ‘one thing’ he always saw shock brides; that people you’re close to decline. We were advised to expect only 70% of our invitees RSVP yes and then have some still have last minute emergencies. We ended up with 70%, but were less disappointed with his warning us. We also had a lot of people making a point to schedule post-wedding time with us in the decline note itself.
    • Reply
  • Lindseyb
    Savvy September 2021
    Lindseyb ·
    • Flag
    Thank you ladies - your comments make me feel a lot better ❤️
    • Reply
  • Monica
    Devoted August 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    Omg this is exactly me right now! We invited 187 and only 111 RSVP'd yes. That's a 40% decline rate! It is so disappointing, especially after waiting for this wedding for 3 years now (we postponed also). Like you, I'm trying not to take it personally but it's hard! I'm trying to make myself feel better by thinking about the quality time I can now spend with all my guests that I couldn't have if more people were there and all the fun things we get to add to hit our food and drink minimum now lol. 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is and your wedding will still be beautiful!
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Devoted October 2021
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    Aww I'm so sorry you feel this way! It may feel like they are rejecting you, but one huge thing to take away from this is due to COVID. Cases seem to be rising so I'm sure some guests feel a certain way about this. And if they decline more money for you to spend in other areas if you want! For example, it can go towards more stuff towards the wedding or even your honeymoon!

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated August 2021
    megan ·
    • Flag

    Any "destination" type wedding (we have a 50/50 split between in town and out of town guests) has a larger % decline rate. We are right at 30% decline.

    Don't take it personally, people have things going on regardless of if you postponed and they had the date for 2 years. Just celebrate the day with those who can make it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I don't think you get "dibbs" to someone attending just because your date was picked first. We are invited to a wedding that got postponed 3 times. We could make the first 2 dates no problem, planned on them both and everything. The date they've now chosen is in the busiest month we have this year, and there's a very good chance we can't make it, possibly for another wedding that I've been asked to be in. It has nothing to do with the fact that we don't want to be there for them or that they're less important, it's just that things happen. We still plan on being their friends and have already given them a gift and will send a card with people we know who are going. Whether someone can make your wedding or not isn't that deep and don't "show who your true friends are."

    • Reply
  • Monica
    Super October 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This isn’t just a friend, this is close family who has had our date for over a year. It is what it is, I cant force anyone to be there. In my eyes if someone gave me the date well in advance, I would save that date for them because I want to be there, especially if they gave me their date well before anyone else. I understand life happens and things come up but my closest cousin isnt a bridesmaid in the other weddings, she’s attending as a guest, which if she was a BM that would be more understandable. But to each their own.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    We experienced this too and it was SOOO irritating. We probably had to reach out to a third of our guest list the day before the RSVP deadline (which was less than 4 weeks before our wedding) to remind them that it was coming up and that was the point at which most were like "oh I can't make it, sorry I forgot to let you know" which to me is just disrespectful. Very few guests were actually on the fence about whether or not they could come at that point, most just didn't bother to actually RSVP. We did have a couple guests who RSVP'd late but were trying to figure out child care or other understandable factors, and they were in communication with us the whole time and didn't just leave us hanging.

    Our wedding was originally May 2020 but we had our celebration this June and we ended up with about a 50% accept rate, but only after we extended invitations to a larger group of people because we got so many declines. We originally intended to have a 60-80 person wedding, but we ended up landing at just 47 guests after extending our invites to 90. Covid had a significant impact on our accepts/declines, as we had a number of guests who had RSVP'd yes or our May 2020 wedding but couldn't come to our June 2021 one. We did require Covid vaccinations which resulted in probably a dozen declines from those who wouldn't get vaccinated, but we also had other guests who ONLY felt safe enough to come because they knew everyone would be vaccinated. We had a handful of guests who would have needed to fly to our wedding and none of them came and two couples had conflicts due to other weddings that had also been rescheduled due to Covid. We also had some people who declined with no real reason (or a really bad reason) and that felt pretty awful. Because our wedding was so small to begin with, we only invited people we were close to and therefore I thought not only were they a priority to US but we were also a priority to THEM, which turned out not to be the case. Clearly many of those relationships were more one sided than I realized.

    If anything, it definitely makes me know to NOT be one of those people stressing a couple out and to be sure to RSVP as soon as I am certain of my answer. If you've send a STD in advance, I believe most people without kids do know whether or not they are going to go to your wedding by the time the invite arrives (assuming you send it about 2 months out, as per normal timeframe), so I never understand why so many take so long to respond.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Devoted August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. And you have to remember that to you this is the biggest day of your life but to others it's just another day. And unfortunately the reality of weddings is that it is not going to be nearly as important to some people in your group. And with the new covid delta making numbers rise some may not feel comfortable attending an event with so many other people still. We are still in a pandemic regardless of restrictions being lifted. Don't take it personal.
    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    My wedding is in December. I am going to send out save the dates in about 2 weeks and then Invitations/RSVPs a month to a month and a half later. My venue is extremely close to both families, so literally you will just need the gas to travel maybe an hour to us and back home. I am not too concerned about people declining. If they do, though, I may take it slightly personally. But, remember, there are always weddings, baby showers, graduations etc. that people will want you to celebrate (and bring gifts) for them. I keep things like this in mind (I'm slightly vindictive). So, if you choose not to support my day, I most definitely won't support yours. For, the people who gave you good reasons why they couldn't come; you can excuse them. But, the others will surely send you an invite for something in the future and when they do, give them what they gave you. I've followed this practice for a very long time. Family members that showed up for my graduation from college or my surprise bday party or anything else always got/get better gifts on special occasions than those who don't. The money that you'll save feeding them at your reception and celebrating with them on their special occasions, alone, will put you in a much better (almost cheerful) mood!!! Smiley sexy

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