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Expert November 2014

RSVP declines and gifts

Emily, on October 7, 2014 at 10:27 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I keep reading/hearing about people who decline an rsvp however send gifts or cheques instead.

Just curious what other people's experiences have been like with this?

Do people send something close to the wedding date? Do they send something with their rsvp card?

Not that I expect anyone to get anything for me (Nor do I need anything) however I am at about a 20% decline rate and people keep saying oh well they will probably send you something.

Since I have only ever been invited to and attended 2 weddings, I am not sure about this etiquette.

Experiences?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Private User, on October 7, 2014 at 10:42 AM

Super November 2014
Private User · on October 7, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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We had a few people send a check with their RSVP of a No. Most people who were No did not send anything, which they are not required to.

We also have people who said Yes and are sending gifts. It is easier to have it mailed to us than to bring it to the wedding (items off our registry!)
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Master September 2014
Snarky · on October 7, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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I always thought that if you declined you still sent a gift. That's what I was taught anyways. I would say from the 30 or so couples that declined our wedding we got maybe 5 gifts? I always send a gift if I decline any type of shower or wedding.
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Super November 2014
OldFashionedBride · on October 7, 2014 at 10:38 AM
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They don't have to send you a gift if they are not coming. If they do, great. If not, then no harm done.
Of our few (so far) declines, we got a gift from one, and another said that a gift is coming.
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Expert May 2015
Boston Kate · on October 7, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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I'm with Snarky. While it's not required, I was always taught to send a gift if you decline the invitation. (I bring a gift if I RSVP yes as well).

Personally, when I decline, I sent the gift or a card and check around the same time I send back the "no" RSVP. But this is because I don't want to forget. There isn't a set time, etiquette-wise, when you should send the gift, though. So if they're going to send a gift, it could be at any time between the "no" RSVP to shortly after the wedding.

As far as etiquette goes, they're not required to send a gift/check, but if they do, just make sure you send a thank you.
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Super November 2014
Private User · on October 7, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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Snarky, I was raised that way too... but since people sometimes do not even give a gift when attending your wedding - most people dont give a gift when they say no.

This is the bratty only child in me coming out, and I know I may get comments back on this so disclosure * I knew I was wrong, and the only people I said this to was my dad *

My cousin got married August 9th. Most of my dads side of the family attended his wedding and gave him a gift. He got married in NY where they all live.

My invites went out prior to his wedding, so they talked to me about it. A few weeks later they all RSVPed No. No gift, no nothing!

I called my dad to tell him they all said no (which we knew they were going too since I am getting married in Batlimore) but was surprised they did not give me a gift as they JUST gave my cousin and his new wife a gift... My dad said "well there is nothing you can do - maybe they will send a gift closer to the wedding"... OK rant over. Sorry!
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