Littlebride
Dedicated January 2020

rsvp deadline

Littlebride, on December 15, 2019 at 2:35 PM Posted in Planning 1 18
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My wedding is in 3 weeks and my RSVP dead line is next week. I still have about 100 people that have not RSVP'd. My question is: Do I send out a reminder this week saying, "hey deadline is coming up". Or do I wait till the deadline passes to tell people hey.. "you're not getting fed if you don't RSVP."

If I do wait... how do I word it so that my frustration doesn't show. 100 people is a big chunk.

Thank you in advance!

18 Comments

Latest activity by Alyssa, on January 2, 2020 at 3:46 PM
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    You should wait until a couple days after your RSVP date (people will insist on mailing things on the RSVP date) and then follow up. When you follow up, say something about how you haven't gotten their card, and since things get lost in the mail, you just wanted to get in touch to get their number attending (and meal choices if needed). Call - don't text/e-mail/etc - too easy for people to ignore those. If you get voice mail then tell them you need to know by x date or you will unfortunately have to count them as a no. And remember - your FH can call everyone from his side lol.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I am sorry but I feel that grown adults need to be able to know how to RSVP. I don't think it's improper to send out a reminder in a nice tone that the RSVP date is coming up please be sure to RSVP by the deadline. Afterwards you are more than welcome to call but if you don't hear from people after a couple of attempts to reach out to them then I would count them as a no and if there's not a place at the reception for them then that is on them. Sadly I really feel that some people think that just because they receive an invitation it is known that they plan to be there or not and she's not to communicate. Ain't nobody got time for that.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    You wait until the deadline has passed and say “Our RSVP deadline was x-day and we noticed we haven’t received yours yet. If we don’t hear from you by y-day, we will assume you’re unable to attend.”
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  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. I wouldn't bother anyone until your rsvp date has passed.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    I really dont see an issue with a friendly reminder.
    Too many people frown upon it on this forum, but I forget stuff all the time... so...
    • Reply
  • Sierra
    Dedicated July 2021
    Sierra ·
    • Flag
    I'd follow up beforehand. Something simple just to remind people. Then you'll get responses on time, versus chasing people down when the caterer is asking for the final numbers, you know?
    • Reply
  • Allyson
    Devoted February 2020
    Allyson ·
    • Flag
    rsvp deadline 1
    I sent this out a few days ago but only to the friends who haven’t RSVPd (my RSVP date is 12/20). A lot of them went and completed it right away!
    • Reply
  • Kaysey
    Super February 2020
    Kaysey ·
    • Flag

    I'm having the same fear. My FH and I sent out our invitations on November 29th and our RSVP date is January 15th. I still have time left but I'm trying to get a game plan for when that time comes if guests haven't responded. From what my brother told me from when he was planning his wedding, many people will wait until a few days before, or the day of the RSVP date to send in the RSVP cards back. So if I were you, I'd give it a few days and then start calling or texting guests and just say something along the lines of "Our RSVP date has passed and we are reaching out to those who we did not receive RSVP's from to get their responses. Please let us know ASAP if you will be able or unable to attend so we can get our final numbers to our venue and caterer". You can make it more general if you want but I think something along those lines is what I plan on doing if I have to.


    My plan right now is waiting until January 20th and then we will start texting and calling those who have not responded. Our venue and caterer do not need final numbers until we're 2 weeks out from the wedding so we have time to get final responses from our guests.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    We texted everyone the day after our RSVP date and asked. We had to contact around 60 people. We didn't remind them prior.

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  • Littlebride
    Dedicated January 2020
    Littlebride ·
    • Flag

    Smiley smile Thank you guys !!

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would wait til the deadline is over
    A lot of the times people wait til the literal last minute
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Dedicated January 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    We have 179 who have not yet responded, our deadline is tomorrow. We didn't do traditional RSVP, all online. We thought it would be easier for everyone, and it's mostly people our age who haven't rsvp'd. It makes me so sad... I just broke up our list into four groups, for each of our parents, one for FH and one for me. I wrote a script for our moms, bc I'm just that way, and told them to start calling on Sunday, the day after our due date. We invited over 360 people, just over half have gotten back to us. It's so frustrating, why can't you just tell me if you're coming? I don't care if you do or not, just want to know! UGH. I will never do this to people ever again, and I'm guilty of waiting until the last minute. It is agony!

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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That is a HUGE chunk of people who just didn't bother to respond and that would be SO nervewracking. We did online RSVP, too, and FH's folks, who are in their 70s, figured it out right away so I assumed there's no excuse for anyone else. We're 2 weeks from our deadline and over half of our guests haven't RSVP'd yet, either. I'm trying to keep my cool about it but there have been some sleepless nights if I'm being honest. We are self-catering which adds to my frustration, and we have to pay the balance at the rental place by the 20th at the latest, and I don't want to pay for extra stuff that won't get used.


    How did all that calling around go? Did it help at all? I'm trying to prepare myself for the inevitable on the 15th...
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  • Alyssa
    Dedicated January 2020
    Alyssa ·
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    Don't lose sleep! It really is working out just fine. Most people we sent messages to just felt bad and apologized. The people we had our parents reach out to just told them and we marked them in. I really don't know if it had to do with being a winter wedding, but it was more of an annoyance that people felt bad about. Just message with kindness and ask them to hit the site or tell you asap. It will be just fine!
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  • Littlebride
    Dedicated January 2020
    Littlebride ·
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    It was a lot of work and I had about 20 people after the deadline passed that we're not responding to our calls or our texts. So we had to make the decision to decline their invites since they weren't responding to us.
    A lot of people gave us the " I don't know yet can I tell you next week.. " which put us in a rough spot, but we're 3 days away from the wedding and thankfully all that got sorted out.
    • Reply
  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I'm so worried I'll have to cut people and turn them away at the door. What a hassle! My guests still have 12 days to get those RSVP's in so I'm trying to be as patient as I can and then on the 16th I'm gonna start texting and making phone calls ASAP. Congrats on being just a couple of days away! How exciting!!!

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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I will definitely be kind, and I did sleep like a baby after reading your email, so thank you!! We only have about 30 people to reach out to so hopefully it will be less than that in the next couple of weeks - that would certainly make things easier. Thanks!

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  • Alyssa
    Dedicated January 2020
    Alyssa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Good! We are down to 13 people now! It's going great! It will all work out!
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