rsvp deadline has passed....

I would definitely recommend reaching out to those you haven't heard from. I just sent them a text or called and said "Hey, if you haven't sent back your response card yet, could you please RSVP on the wedding website?" and sent them the link. In doing that, I found out that we'd sent the invite to my uncles old address and he'd never even gotten it. Plus, you don't want to count the non-responders as declines because what if they do show up? And it's possible their response got lost in the mail. It's better to know for sure than guess, and it's absolutely not unusual or desperate to request a response after the deadline.

NOOOO!!!! Your caterer/venue needs an accurate head count.

I get what you're saying about if it was important, they would have sent it in. However, I am finding that is not the case these days. Very few people I talk to seem to understand the etiquette behind formal invitations anymore. I've had so many people tell me they had no idea that it was a big deal whether or not they sent it back! WTH?

Yeah, they just don't get it. I've also had people tell me that "oh well of course I'm coming!" as if I should have just known, and marked them as a yes. NOT! That's not how it works, but unfortunately, too many people don't understand that.

So, if you mark all of the people who didn't respond as a "no" then you are bound to have a bunch of people show up on your day that you weren't expecting. Depending on your contracts, this could get you in some hot water with your venue and/or caterer. Also, it could end up costing you more, if the caterer charges you extra because of a bunch of people they didn't know about. So, it will be all bad for you, and it could result in there not being enough food and chairs for everyone, as the caterer/venue has relied on your head count.

I know it sucks, and I'm not looking forward to it either. But you have to contact those people and get a firm yes or no from as many as you can. There are lots of discussions here on the topic, and lots of ways to phrase it to your people. "I see that we haven't received your RSVP yet, and we need an accurate head count. If we don't hear from you by XXX date, we will have to count you as a no." That's one way, because you won't always reach everyone on the first try, so that's a good message to leave, or use it for email or text messages.

If you can split the list with FH, so much the better. He takes his people, and you take yours. That can save a lot of time if you are both working on it. Good luck!!

Reach out to them. I understand what you are saying, but sometimes ppl don’t rsvp yes -only no & some ppl think of course I’m coming - they know this, I don’t have to RSVP.

Nope! I am inviting 120ppl hoping only 100 RSVP. There is no reason why you need to follow up!

Free food, drink, and a beautiful ceremony..that your paying for...nope. I'd stand firm.
I am giving ample notice and I promise if they show up...they can stay for ceremony but no food..sorry, not sorry!

I know a couple invites/rsvps got lost in the mail either going out or coming back for ours. If we didn't reach out I wouldn't have known that. I also would feel really bad turning people away at the door, even people that really didn't send it back. I wouldn't want to be acting as security at my own wedding and what if those people who sent it back show up? I'm gonna turn them away because the mail got lost? This is up to you, but I feel like reaching out will prevent more problems down the road. It was also not as bad as I was expecting because my my mother and fmil helped my fh and me with it.

I agree with Liz 100%. Reach out to them via text or phone call and give them a day or 2 to respond. If they don't respond within 48 hours - then I assume it's a no. I had to do that with 12 people that didn't rsvp in time because my venue needed a head count. Now, it's finalized and if people show up now - they won't be eating or sitting or anything.

It’s not desperate. Give it a couple more days if mailed or see if stragglers come in (we got SO many in the mail the few days following the due date— it was clear people see it as the “send by” date), but for those that don’t, it is SO important to follow up in case they did TRY to reply and something went wrong along the way. For example, a month after the wedding we found a very bartered piece of mail in our mailbox— a yes rsvp that was postmarked before our rsvp deadline! If we hadn’t followed up with this person who had responded correctly and on time, we wouldn’t have had a seat for them!

Noooo. You need the most accurate head count for adequate food. 30 rsvps (as in just 30 people, or actually 30 rsvps back because that could easily be 60+ people). You can't because if they just show up you wouldn't have enough food or tables for that matter. It's appropriate to reach out to them and say "Hey our rsvp deadline has passed and we are wondering if you will be able to attend! Please let us know by ___ date, so we can give in our final numbers, otherwise we will have to mark you as no. Thanks!"

View Quoted Comment

I don't think this is a good idea personally. Are you going to make sure that those extra 20 people that you didn't follow up on actually leave when they show up unexpectedly? What about ceremony seating? I can't see a bride telling guests to leave once they show up. Always follow up to ensure a yes or no, whichever it may be.

Also would not invite more people than you want to attend. Yes some will say no, but on the off chance everyone says yes, you have more than you intended to have.

It's not desperate to request people respond!

But no, I wouldn't just mark people as declined and call it a day - if they show up it will be annoying for everyone involved.

HOWEVER, you can text/ email/ call and say "Hi ____. We haven't received your RSVP. Can you please let us know if you will be attending our wedding? If we don't hear back from you by (insert date), we'll mark you as declining and won't be able to accommodate you. Thanks!" The last part gives you both an "out" so to speak. I found some people didn't want to say no b/c they felt rude or bad. Not sure why. But a few just never responded, we counted them as no's, and life went on. And some didn't receive the invite or the RSVP was "lost in the mail".

Good luck!

What if it got lost in the mail? I would at least ask.

View Quoted Comment

The problem with this is that the U.S. Postal Service can be unreliable at best. Are you 100% certain that every guest received your invitation? Are you also 100% sure that all of the RSVPs that were mailed to you actually got back to you???

I have heard countless stories about invitations getting lost in the mail, and response cards getting lost in the mail. You don't really want your people to be without a seat or a meal because you want to "stand firm" about not following up with people?

Good luck to you then. Better check your venue and/or catering contract to make sure that you won't be charged for anyone who shows up unannounced, or that you won't be charged for any no-shows.

My deadline has passed & I have still have 23 RSVPs out. FH & I have been messaging a couple people a day. FH doesn't like it & says "if they show up they show up, if they don't they don't", that's not the point. I need to know for the caterer & how many tables/chairs are needed which also means linens. All of those things can change depending how many people are being provided for.

I would reach out if I were you. Our RSVP date passed, we were waiting on 60 people. I texted every single one of them (or facebook messaged) and by the next day we were waiting on 20 people still. I reached out again 1 week later if I hadn't heard by then. A few planned on going and did go, even though they didn't RSVP.

View Quoted Comment

When was your deadline? How long did you wait to reach out?

View Quoted Comment My deadline was Sunday. I sent out RSVP cards only to the older relatives that don't use technology. We haven't called them yet. I'm going to give them until Monday then I'm going to call them. Everyone else was supposed to RSVP through the wedding website. So we started getting ahold of those people on Monday.

We had several people not receive their invitations and several people who had RSVPs lost in the mail. We also had a friend who swore they sent it back, but they found it about a month ago in a junk drawer 🤷🏻‍♀️ Definitely call your people, you don’t want any surprises day of.

This is basically the wording we used: “Hi (insert name here)! H and I are just reaching out to make sure your wedding invitation made it to you and (insert name here)! 😊 We are getting close to our date now and have to submit our final numbers to the venue. If you’re able to attend, please just let me know. The last day we can add people to our count is (insert date of your choosing here, we picked one that was 2 days away). If we don’t hear from you by then, we will have to assume you are unable to attend and we will miss you at the wedding!”

I don’t think this is desperate! Given that it was a holiday weekend (if you’re in the US), I’d probably give it another 2-3 days to see if any other RSVP stragglers come in the mail. Then I’d reach out to those guests who you haven’t heard from.

View Quoted Comment

Totally agree. My sister and her boyfriend texted me that they had not received their invite about 10 days after we sent ours out. I put a deadline of Sept 21, but the venue doesn't NEED the numbers until the 26th. I knew this would happen, so I allowed more time for them to be late or for follow up phone calls. There may be one or two on the list that you figure won't come, you can scratch those off your follow up phone call list. I know I have a couple, lol. The mail is terrible these days, but I was too lazy and unknowledgeable to create a wedding website. Old school straight up! Anyway, we have received maybe 40 back out of over 100 that went out. Eek! Got a week left, fingers crossed!

Another thought....if they never received the invite (lost in the mail?), why would they just show up to a wedding they had no idea about?! LOL! That's like stalker-ish if they just happened to hear about the wedding and crashed it, right?!

Yes, everyone understands the there is definitely some cost that goes into putting together a wedding reception. You have to consider this question . Do you really want to pay a per person cost the day of your wedding because someone could not find the time to respond to an invitation that was given 3 months prior to your RSVP date? It's not fair to the couple or anyone else who is helping pay for your special day. Create a seating chart according to your RSVP count is helpful. Have a friend that is really good with people to assist with getting your guests to the right table. If a guest does show and did not RSVP they are more than welcome to stand to the side until all of your RSVP guests have been seated. Then and only then if there are open seats they may take a seat and enjoy dinner with everyone esle. I would send a follow-up text once and give a 48 hour respond time. Example please let me know if you are planning to attend our wedding by ( give a date and specific time). Good luck and congratulations!