Roles for family members....

Tell your guests their only role is to show up and enjoy your day. They should not have jobs/work assigned to them.

Edited to add: Don't tell them "Whatever you want!" or something vague - they may end up re-arranging things and telling the waitstaff when to serve!! LOL! They get to show up and have a good time - no work involved.

Yes I do feel that what, but it's making me feel like if I don't ask they will be offended... Just crack a bottle of wine for me lol

I firmly believe that guests should just show up looking good, but I understand some will offer to help no matter what. I wouldn't ask them to buy anything for the wedding, not just because that's weird but also because you want things done a certain way. That means you would need to tell them exactly what to buy, where to buy it, where to put it the day of, and by the time you've done all that it's taken twice as long as it would have to do it yourself, and that's assuming you're asking halfway competent people which not all guests are.

If they're looking to do something the day of the wedding, I would honestly tell them it's already all taken care of and they should just sleep in, drink some coffee, and be ready to party!!

Exactly this Just tell them to sit back and enjoy the party--- my FH's family has asked and it's like I'm not needing anyone to hand out programs or help set up. Just come and enjoy the day.

Thank you all for those tips... May I jump subjects for a moment... I was on another blog talking possibly having a potluck BBQ for the reception. Well needless to say I had one person be rude an inconsiderate about the idea. I think if the family is willing to help an bring dishes why not. I've got a month I could really do with out meany weenies

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Potlucks are very rude and dangerous. How are you going to store all that food at the correct temperature? What are out of town guests supposed to do? What if everyone brings rolls?

Every time a potluck is suggested, I think of a friend's inlaws, who are true hoarders. They don't clean anything, they let their cats walk all over every available space, and there's even a litter box on the counter. These same people make food for church picnics all the time. It's disgusting and I wouldn't want to ever eat anything from their house.

This is definitely an extreme, but it happens more than you think. Is this the kind of food you want at your wedding?

And if you only have a month left, how do you not have catering ordered?

View Quoted Comment I don’t understand why people feel the need to tell someone else how to have their wedding. Do what ever you want. We don’t have a large budget ($5000) and we’re doing bbq’d meats and ordering food from Finley’s for side dishes. It’s our wedding and as long as people are fed well and have drinks and good entertainment, that’s all that matters. We aren’t fancy people and don’t need a full service reception. That’s just not us. You make it reflect you two. I wish you the best.

View Quoted Comment We're trying to help people make the best possible etiquette and safety choices. Shame on me for pointing out why having guests bring their own food was a bad idea 🤷

View Quoted Comment Because no guest should have to worry about cooking for 150 people... Have your guests been trained in cooking? Are they certified? I love to cook and I consider myself pretty good. That doesn't make me qualified to cook for 150 people.
Sorry you think of us as "meany weenies." Honestly, many of us are trying to help you avoid a disaster waiting to happen. Do you want your wedding to be remembered as the wedding where everybody got sick? The wedding with cold food (because caterers will keep it warm throughout serving)? Or the wedding with the awesome, kick ass catered BBQ?

View Quoted Comment Having a potluck reception is dangerous to your guests and a liability for the host. It's also incredibly rude to ask your guests to subsidize your optional party. No one is owed a wedding. If you can't afford to host one properly, you cut the guest list. Additionally, a pot luck is a toss-up in terms of what is being provided. What if there are 12 different potato salads, a bag of raw carrots, and 3 trays of brownies? That's not being fed well.

Your idea of a potluck won't go over any better here than it did on the other forum, sorry. And if lots of people from different places who don't know each other are ALL telling you it's a terrible idea, it probably is.

View Quoted Comment Well, for one, I’m not doing potluck. I’m having a family friend who smokes meat do ours (which will be stored in warmers) and ordering sides from a restaurant that provides warmers. So there’s no worries about food spoiling. As far as her doing a potluck, she could tell people what she’d like each one to bring. Fruits, vegetables etc. I understand what you’re saying as far as a health concern. But as long as the food is stored safe, it shouldn’t be a problem.

View Quoted Comment Everyone has a different definition of "stored safe," so yeah... it's a problem.

View Quoted Comment But the whole point is you have no idea how the food is stored or the environment it is prepared in if you have 50 different people bringing it. I also think it's wildly inappropriate to ask guests to bring a dish to your wedding, and even more so to specify. What if they are busy? What if they don't know how to make or where to get X dish. The reception is to thank them for attending. Your guests should not be subsidizing your wedding in any way.
ETA I don't mean 'your' wedding as in yours specifically, just in general. It sounds like yours is being properly hosted, but OP's is not.

View Quoted Comment 👍🏼👍🏼Ok

View Quoted Comment At first my FH wanted to do a prepare ourselves reception but I talked him out of it. I was having so much anxiety over it. But I’m glad he listened to me.

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OH GOD i just watched this episode the other day and ewwwwwwwwww.

I am a mother of the bride that definitely wants to help and do stuff. Thankfully, daughter appreciates it! And her future MIL is the same way. Sure, we will enjoy the wedding, but I'm totally looking forward to the fun the week before of running last-minute errands, doing whatever needs doing, and setting up the centerpieces the morning of the wedding. I would honestly feel quite sad if I didn't have something to do! I know my DIL is also glad she'll have some small jobs to do, because this whole wedding isn't "her" family, so she'd rather be busy having a role.

The trick is to ask people to do small jobs, so they feel useful and helpful, but aren't overwhelmed. I think it makes people feel closer to the bride & groom. At least, in our family, this is how it is.

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Sarah, no one here are "meany weenies." Most of us are into proper etiquette. That means hosting people properly: All they have to do is show up, eat and enjoy themselves. My family is far from fancy but to imply "full service reception" is high brow is just.....not true. Full service is taking care of guests, not white glove service.

I also get having people offer to help. What I get even more is saying "No thank you. We got this, all we want is for guests to show up and enjoy our day."

I think ordering BBQ from a local place for your total of guests is a good idea. It saves time and they know how much to provide for your count without you having to guess. Also with your wedding in April i dont think this is the time for a debate but time to figure out what you want your guest to eat and the cost associated with it. Inquire with local BBQ restaurants they tend to be cheaper than you think. Also consider that the cost included with the food which is their time and labor, which is something you dont have to worry about. Have the restaurant deliver or someone can go pick it up. Ask your family for suggestions someone may have some ideas or ways to make this easier for you. However, i would not go to route of having family prepare all this food and keeping it warm. Although i do not know the terms of your wedding just consider the safety of your guest with the discussion you decide to make. I don't think all families are one size fit all so maybe you can find something that works without making everyone but in lots of labor.