Risking her life

View Quoted Comment I did and she keeps saying she don't get how it's a problem but I send out my invites and I only want people who would attend both due to venue telling ne I need a guest list and a certain number of people so I can't put 52 but two are leaving after ceremony

View Quoted Comment I agree… I’m not at all saying that she’s lying and I don’t know the situation but, sometimes it can possibly be a way of people trying to politely back out. At this point there’s nothing you can really do unfortunately and I know it sucks but you’re short on people so maybe you would just want to pick another two people that you wanted to invite that will want to show up to both.

View Quoted Comment Well that's the thing my fiance and I did choose two people after she said they didn't want to do it and they accepted the guys got measured for his suit and the girl is getting her dress because I have them in my possession and I paid for them. But they are expecting to come. I just don't know weather or not to give an invitation when I feel like I'll be protecting them since she said she is scared. I'm not being malicious at all just being cautious because there are people who wouldnt miss it for the world and I already said if you don't wanna come don't please stay home.

View Quoted Comment Understandable but I'm not that selfish if you don't feel safe stay home, I will not be mad infact it's for their saftey. I told her that but she demands to go to the ceremony after ditching me for makeup and being in my bridal party.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with your reasoning and I don’t think it’s malicious at all. It’s for her safety as well as your guests.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for understanding I just can't wrap my head around it. And honestly his family been pushing us to cancel its been stressful but no one wants to refund us vendors have to get paid to. So we both decided if you don't feel comfortable please don't come. We aren't mad and I can't let this rain on our parade. And I only want to be reasonable I thought it would ease her mind off of going in the first place but they are demanding to go to the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment That's a question to ask her. Maybe she feels bad being in the wedding if she's not staying for the reception? Are you guys all wearing masks for photos or taking them off? She may be uncomfortable taking the mask off. I'm really just speculating here. I would personally try to talk to her and get a better understanding of what she is interpreting as more risky and see how you can work around that, if you want to.

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She can't demand to go to the ceremony. Well she can, but you can say no. That's what I'd do in this situation.

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That's you. You are not her.

Yes, you're in the wrong for wanting to uninvite her. Why are you so offended at the idea of having two fewer people at the reception? That will just make it easier for people to social distance.

View Quoted Comment She doesn't care about the mask at all she stressed to me that we are selfish and wants us to cancel but we would lose money now if they wanted to give us our money back that would be an option

View Quoted Comment Understandable so you don't think I'm being unfair

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input but I don't think you are getting it

View Quoted Comment Hmmm interesting. So she is afraid of the risk but not interested in taking safety precautions. I'm not quite sure I follow the logic lol.

View Quoted Comment That's what I don't understand, like if your scared of covid I get it stay home I don't want to put no one at risk but u saying you don't want to be a bridesmaid because of covid but you will still come I don't get it. Jusy say you don't want to be a bridesmaid because u saying covid I have disclaimers that says if you want to stay home we not inviting you but yet you want me to invite u after you said your afraid of being a bridesmaid because of covid when it's equal risk in it all. Idk I'm just trying to make sense of it. I paid for her dress already so it's not like she has to pay for it

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Personally, no. You have a very limited number of people who you can have celebrate with you. If you didn't have those restrictions, I'd probably say just invite her.

Suppose you have 5 tickets to a fancy, expensive opera. It has two acts and an intermission. Or the Super Bowl. You offer to take 4 friends. Sometime after you invite them, one of them says that she plans to leave at the intermission/halftime. Although it's a tricky situation, and the "gracious" thing to do is let her keep the ticket, if I were the friend, I would understand that the person with the tickets would want them to go to someone who could go to the whole opera/game. I'd also understand that although the ticket was offered to me, it's not up to me to determine who gets the ticket.

But I'm kind of biased in your situation, because anyone who called me "selfish" for having my wedding and then demanded to be invited would be an easy X off the invite list. There's so many tactful ways to relay concerns that I don't have much patience for people who decide to be [insert your favorite expletive] about it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you because in her messages she said I'm selfish and asked me have I tried to reschedule and or cancel like I haven't I'm sure all brides due to be Wed in 2020 have tried to. My wedding is in late September, as soon as this happened in march I've been in contact with vendors and with the shut down many said no because they are self employed and don't have the money, so we just pressed forward. I think it's been very hard on me and for her to attack me about it is unfair but I felt obligated to still invite due to etiquette but I personally think for her safety as she stated earlier to not come entirely. I'm just glad u can be honest about it my fiance supports me 1000% being that that's his cousin and we both have to find replacements. But I know some people on here will not fully understand the situation and just say it's wrong when personally we have not sent out invitations yet just incase our venue say we can cancel as it get closer.

Maybe I'm reading your responses wrong (context in text messages) But I get the impression you're looking for the majority to tell you not to invite her. If that's truly what you want, then do it. But know that it could cost you a friendship.

From what I read and from pp's it sounds like we all felt the same way in the essence you friend is trying to be there for the most important part of your day which in all of our opinions is your ceremony. I'm sorry she doesn't want to go to the reception, but you should respect that. Also understand that for every invitation you send, there is a chance of 5-10% "decline" - So I assume even if you do invite her it's not going to mess up your 50 count.

Again at the end of the day, if you don't want her there then just don't invite her.

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I totally understand where you're coming from. I have been incredibly fortunate that our vendors are willing to work with us and will let us postpone without a fee, but I know that's not the case for so, so many people getting married this year. Some couples I've heard are getting charged over $4,000 just to postpone or even to cancel on top of the original deposits they've paid. Is your FI's cousin going to cover that cost? Yeah, probably not.

But no, of course you haven't thought about canceling! It's not like it's your marriage and your money that's impacted by all of this, right?? /sarcasm

Let us know what you decide to do. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this negativity!

View Quoted Comment I just realized I misread the very beginning! I was under the impression she wanted to be a bridesmaid for the ceremony but not attend the reception! I now agree that her reasoning does not make sense! Lol

View Quoted Comment Actually as I was reading people responses I was texting her and that wasn't the case but I respect your opinion if you think that is what it is. We aren't friends just future family due to her being my FH cousin but when I messaged her about it she told me I was selfish and I need to cancel so there is just more to the story than I can disclose. I was concerned for her safety if anything. I really don't understand why would one come to one part period if they are scared of covid period. She claims she want to see the ceremony but we are streaming it live. At this point I just want people there with positive energy.