Response Card Etiquette

Honestly, this is typical behavior. Ya, it is super annoying considering how much time/money went into making everything proper and perfect. But, most people just don't think of those things, or don't think it's a big deal. I had people hand their RSVP to me, and I had people text their response to me (instead of sending back their card). By the time my RSVP date rolled around, I still had HALF of my guest list that did not RSVP. I waited a couple of days to let the stragglers come in, then proceeded to do follow up calls. That is normal procedure for the non-responders. Wait a couple of days past your RSVP date that you put on the invitation, then do follow up calls. Hopefully you set the RSVP date on your invite to be sooner than you had to turn in your final count to your vendors. I know it's annoying, but just about every bride has to go through it. Hang in there, and try not to let it get to you.

I’ve had a few people do this as well. I’m not bothered by it because the amount of people you get that do that will be fairly low. It’s a cost I’m willing to eat. $10 of wasted stamps is not something I would let get to you. As for contacting before the date, I would wait for a few days after it has passed to contact them as there are always stragglers that send the last day. I’ve been one of those people before 🤦🏻‍♀️

Some of FH’s coworkers tried to do this. He simply told them he wasn’t accepting it and to drop it in the mail. They all complied. As for calling before the RSVP date, I wouldn’t. I would wait and then take their response over the phone.

Yes and it’s sooooo annoying 🙄 a family friend handed theirs to my parents this past weekend and my mom was like “just cut the stamp off the envelope and re use it” 😂 I guess I’m glad they at least responded (and quickly too, invites went out less than a week ago) but it’s still annoying.

Must be standard behavior because this has happened quite a bit to me too. I just accept it, the end result is that I want to know what the RSVP is & not our another layer of complexity to it. I also get text messages, I have both RSVP mail & online & ppl text me their status (it’s always that their coming) & their meal options. I just roll with it.

Yes. This is a annoying. But honestly. There are far bigger things to worry about than this. Mountains from mole hills.

I’m positive that these guests aren’t thinking “screw their 55 cent stamp, I’m going to hand deliver this bad boy.” They’re trying to make it more convenient for you. The money is already spent either way, just be happy you received the cards back. As for reaching out about missing RSVPs, it is rude to follow up before the deadline has even arrived. If you had a deadline at work and your boss came to you a week in advance asking where the project was, would that make sense to you? Follow up after the deadline. People can give you a verbal RSVP at that point, you don’t have to wait to receive the physical card.

Yea I had this happen too. I'm just glad to get their response back at all because I had tons of people who didn't even bother to send their RSVP back

Honestly, just be happy they returned them. 2/3 of my invite list did not.

I honestly can't be bothered to worry about the cost of stamps vs actually having them. There's a lot of people on my list who are known for forgetting to do things so if they handed me the card I'd consider it a win.
In general you plan the RSVP date with a week of leeway specifically because people dilly dally. If you really cannot wait until after start calling them.

I had a few people hand deliver them, it didn't bother me. I assume you could cut off and reuse the stamp if you felt you needed too? I think reminding guests before the RSVP date is considered rude.

Honestly, they probably thought they were making it more convenient for you by returning it in person. Don't say anything and let it slide.

Annoying, but better to get the card in some way than have people try to rsvp over the phone.
my sister didn’t put hers in the mail, and instead put it in my mailbox while she was at my house.

I’ve had this happen to me but didn’t bother me at all. I don’t see what the difference is, as long as it gets to you. I’ve had multiple get lost in the mail, so I’ll gladly take them all by hand. Out of all of the things to be annoyed about with wedding planning, I don’t think this one is worth the energy.

Preach! I've had the same experience with my response cards.

Either people don't respond at all so then you have to track them down.

Or they decide to hand you the card. Some people even handed the stamped envelope to me. Like great thanks let me just throw out that unused stamp.

I think you are making a thing out of nothing The point is for people to reply, and as a hostess you should be gracious enough to accept any replies you get. RSVP cards are one option that many brides choose to use. But they are not necessary in etiquette, ever. What is necessary is that people somehow reply, but the card, with or without a stamp is not. Perhaps you do not do much entertaining that is formal enough to have printed invitations, and any RSVP procedure. It would be perfectly correct if guests chose to write you a brief handwritten letter, and have it delivered to your home. Your wish, that everyone use a card invented by the stationery industry, so everything comes sorted the way you want, has never been the only polite way, and still isn't. This is in a category with people being upset when people do not buy from registries, or do not use Save the Dates. Those things , though common at the moment, have never been the only accepted thing. You cannot make rules for all the rest of the people in the world to follow just for your preference. Guaranteed, a lot won't. People who like the personal touch, and value it, will rely on personal choice and contact. And as in the past those are what has been favored by etiquette standards, so people continue to do it. So many hostesses have such trouble getting any answer at all, that maybe you should be happy people care enough to get back to you, making planning easier, and not worry about them jumping through your particular set if hoops. Stamped RSVP card/ envelope sets are an option to buy, to include with invitations. Not required. And an option for guests to use. Not required. Lots of people do not send any RSVP cards, and still guests reply if they have manners . And your sending them does not give all people the message that that is the only acceptable way.

View Quoted Comment I am so glad that you took the time to write the extremely long winded reply. I wasn’t asking for a solution for the reply cards not being mailed, just venting about some of them being hand delivered or not delivered at all which makes it hard for me to reference back to their meal selection. But thanks again for your super snotty response. Have a wonderful wedding.

I reached out a little earlier than the due date by text. I worded it, “Hi, i know it’s not the 31st yet, but we are starting to work on place settings so I was wondering if y’all were planning to attend?” In most cases they let me know then and said they had just mailed their card.

This is such a stupid thing to be worried about, you don't spend any more or less money on stamps if they mail it vs hand it to you. They're RSVPing, which is the important thing.