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Just Said Yes May 2020

Rescinding Bridesmaid Offer

Alex, on August 24, 2018 at 8:09 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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My FH and I had planned to have his brother be his Best Man and his wife (a good friend of ours) be my Bridesmaid. I was going to wait to ask her, but I saw her in June and decided to ask her then, as she lives across the country and I like in-person better than mail.

It has recently come out that that she has been cheating on her husband (FH’s brother) for months. They are now officially separated. I no longer want her at my wedding, let alone standing up for me.

I don’t know how to tell her. Does anyone have any advice?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Randi, on August 25, 2018 at 8:10 AM

Savvy September 2018
Rachel · on August 24, 2018 at 8:12 PM
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I would just send her a email or text. She knows she messed up and being that you're better friends with the groomsmen she has to know this is coming.
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Dedicated April 2019
Gaby · on August 24, 2018 at 8:40 PM
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She might already know that she wont be invited after cheated on you FH brother. I would call or text her just as a confirmation. Good luck:/
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on August 24, 2018 at 8:43 PM
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I would advise not asking anyone else until mid 2019. This is why we say not to ask people years ahead of time. Things happen and relationships change. I would assume she may plan on removing herself at this point. I couldn't imagine staying in under those circumstances.
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Devoted October 2019
Melodie · on August 24, 2018 at 11:04 PM
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It sounds like asking her to step out of the wedding is the right call. And, I wouldn’t feel bad about asking her to be in the wedding party when you did. You did what felt right to you with the information that you had at that time.
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Devoted October 2019
Victoria · on August 25, 2018 at 12:04 AM
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Just talk to her. Send her a text or call her. I’m sure she sees this coming, being that the best man is your FH brother, she’s gotta know this was going to happen
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 25, 2018 at 5:24 AM
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This is why you shouldn’t designate your bridal party until a year out, at the most. Relationships change. I don’t typically agree with kicking someone out of your BP, but I don’t think it can be avoided with your situation. There’s no pleasant way to tell her, you just have to be up front. I’m sure that your wedding is the least of her concerns right now and she’ll probably understand your reasoning.
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Devoted August 2019
Randi · on August 25, 2018 at 8:10 AM
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Email
Dear "cheating persons name"
I'm so sorry to have to do this, I'm sure you have a lot on your plate at the moment. However do to the circumstances I'm sorry to have to retract my offer to have you in our wedding party. It wouldn't be fair or considerate to "Fhs brother" to include you in the ceremony.
I'm sorry to lose you as a friend and family member.
Best of wishes.

I would also wait to send anything to her for a week or 2 weeks. You never know if they might work things out and get back together, even if it seems unfathomable to you. And it would be super awkward if you told her she can't be in your wedding and then ask her again later.
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