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Just Said Yes April 2021

Replacing Bridesmaids That Dropped Out

Katie, on August 7, 2020 at 1:48 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

I am in a bit of a dilemma. First things first, we were supposed to get married next week (8/15/20), but with all the new guidelines that came out mid July in PA, we ended up having to postpone the wedding. Not a huge deal, and something we did not want to really have to do, but also felt it was for the best for everyone especially since we have some family traveling from FL and other states.

A little back story... After we decided to postpone and picked a new date (4/24/21), I let all my bridesmaids know first. We have a group text going and I sent it in that since it was the easiest way to let all of them know at once. I only heard back from 2 of them in the text and was surprised that I didn't hear anything from the others knowing they have been my best friends for the past 20 years. Fast forward a week and I get a text, not a phone call, from one of the bridesmaids who I didn't hear from, telling me that she felt it was best to drop out of the wedding since we decided to postpone and since she is also traveling and doesn't know what to expect. Her "excuse" was that since she moved to NC, we haven't been as close as we once were and I make no effort, well neither does she. A couple days go by and I receive a text from another bridesmaid, did I mention they were sisters. This text basically stated the same thing as the other one... We just aren't as close as we once were and again that I make no effort to reach out. Here's the kicker, every time we have people over I always let her know and say hey, come on over. I've also told her she doesn't need an invite to come over as long as we are home to pop on in anytime. The other thing that really gets me, besides the fact they don't make an effort either, is that throughout these past few months, or at least since March when all this COVID stuff came out, neither one of them have reached out to see how I have been doing or how I've been dealing with any of it.

Anyway, my dilemma is... how do to ask a couple other girls to "take their place" without them feeling like they are a second choice? I don't think they will by any means, but I want them to feel as included as the others were. Both girls were invited/attended both my bridal shower and bachelorette party, and one is doing hair and the other is doing makeup for the bridal party. I just don't know the best way to go about it.

I know this was a long drawn out post, but any tips would be appreciated if anyone was in a similar situation!

Thanks! Smiley smile


Latest activity by Mercy, on August 8, 2020 at 2:05 AM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I honestly would not have ladies to replace them. I feel like that would be like those two ladies are back ups. It is best to only invite ladies that you really want by your side the day of. I am sorry those ladies backed out but like you said, neither of you are as close as before so maybe between COVID and who knows what else they felt it was best to not be involved and sounds like you had not really heard from them anywho. Maybe it is all for the best.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I can't think of any way to make your replacements not feel like replacements. The good news is that your wedding will be fine with 2 fewer bridesmaids so there's no reason to replace anyone anyway. And if they are already your vendors for hair and makeup, it might be kind of awkward to also have them buy bridesmaid dresses/pay for other bridal party expenses.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Kristen, I wouldn’t replace anyone because it’s obvious they are a replacement even if they are understanding it’s still rude. They will still be there the day of doing hair and make up it sounds like, so they will be party of the festivities in the morning. I’m sorry the two BMs dropped out. Neither of my MOHs have reached out to me, I’m always having to initiate, it sucks but it is what it is. Everyone has their own lives and stuff going on, sometimes friendships just fade.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't replace them in the bridal party. I am sorry that things didn't work out with the two who backed out, but you want people by your side who you see being in your life for the long run, and not just to fill a spot. It certainly isn't ideal to have them back out, but if they didn't feel that they could support you to the extent that a bridesmaid should, then it's more of a relief that you found this out before the wedding and not after.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    There isn't really a good way to replace someone. However, I did replace a bridesmaid. She was a coworker/my supervisor and she dropped out of the wedding after I was fired. She isn't the one that fired me, but she is the one that told the boss the mistake I made that got me fired (sent mail to the wrong client). It was about 3 months prior to the wedding. She said she would've felt very awkward being in the wedding since I was fired. She also offered me the dress she bought to be a bridesmaid because she knew how close the wedding was and didn't want me to not have a dress. My brother's wife asked my mom if I was going to ask her to replace it. This put me in a very awkward position because I was maid of honor in her wedding and she wasn't originally going to even be in my wedding. My mom then mentioned to me that she wanted to be a bridesmaid. If she wasn't my sister-in-law and hadn't expressed interest then I wouldn't have asked her, but because of the nature of our relationship and the fact she expressed interest I decided to ask her. I also knew my co-worker wouldn't have been offended about being replaced because she offered me the dress in the event there was someone else I wanted in the wedding. Unless you have unique circumstances I like did, then I wouldn't recommend replacing anyone.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone- don’t replace the 2 ladies. It’s a good thing you found out now & not 2 weeks before the wedding. A friend had one of her BMs drop out & she just rearranged the groomsmen so it didn’t look weird.
    • Reply
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Kristen. There is no polite way to replace anyone. Just stick with the smaller bridal party.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Not to pile on, but don't replace bridesmaids. It would be super obvious since your wedding was postponed
    • Reply
  • Mercy
    Savvy October 2020
    Mercy ·
    • Flag
    This is definitely against the grain but I did replace two bridesmaids after I had to drop two bridesmaids and basically drop them from my life which was awful. I didn’t really want to replace them but my MOH and mom were insistent even though I felt like it was awkward. I told one of my other friends the story and she basically said she’d gladly take one of there places so I really didn’t have to come straight out and ask her. And my fiancé wanted me to ask his best mans wife (who’s very nice and we’re friends) So I asked her and she was so kind and gladly accepted. I felt awkward cause it was obvious I was replacing them but no one else knows who was supposed to be a “original bridesmaids” besides my close family members and fiancé. I say don’t replace them if you really don’t want to but if you have two good people in mind and you don’t think they’d mind I say go for it.
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