Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner October 2021

Replacing a Bridesmaid

Eliza, on December 20, 2019 at 12:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I’m having a bridesmaid dilemma... one of my bridesmaids is my high school best friend of 15 years, and over the years we’ve drifted apart, even more so in the past year since I’ve been engaged. Earlier this year, she told me she couldn’t come to my wedding (when it was planned for Cancun) due to financial issues, which I understood. And then she broadcasted on social media how she bought a $2000 computer a couple weeks later. I was hurt and she found out through a mutual friend, but it was never discussed and I got over it, but we had a falling out because she thought I was mad at her. Several months go by and I finally asked her to meet up after she ghosted me on my birthday, and she told me she got married (again) and she didn’t invite me. At first I was ok with it because we had a falling out and I asked her if she’s still ok with being a bridesmaid (wedding is now in San Diego), but after awhile it started eating at me that I have her as a bridesmaid but I wasn’t even invited to her wedding. I feel like I’m the only one reaching out and that our friendship is more important to me than it is to her. I would feel much happier having her step down and just be a guest and replacing her with someone I’ve gotten much closer to. How do I do this without hurting (what’s left of) our friendship?

Flag
Hide content

10 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on December 25, 2019 at 9:32 PM

Master January 2015
null · on December 20, 2019 at 1:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you don't want her to be a bridesmaid anymore, you have the right to ask her not to be one anymore because it is your wedding. That being said, it will likely cause a lot of damage if not completely end your friendship.
I also would advise that you don't replace her with someone else. It will cause even more damage to your relationship with her (which will then almost certainly end your friendship) and the person you ask to take her spot will feel like a backup or second thought.
You don't have to have her in your wedding if you don't want to, but you may have to accept the fact that it may end your friendship.
- Reply
Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on December 20, 2019 at 3:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
Sounds like the friendship is already over. I’ve lost some long term friends too but I think I’m better without the one-sidedness and toxicity.
- Reply
Dedicated January 2022
Samantha · on December 21, 2019 at 1:00 AM
Flag

Hide content
I know it is difficult to accept or even hear but the friendship isn't healthy. Even if she doesn't step down you may want to tell her that you no longer need her to be in your wedding. Her staying in your wedding will only cause you further unnecessary issues and stress down the line.
- Reply
Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 21, 2019 at 4:37 AM
Flag

Hide content
I am lost. She couldn't come to your wedding and now she can? It sounds too me like she doesn't make you a priority so why make her one. Is she doing what she needs to as a bridesmaid? If you want to avoid drama you can keep her as a bridesmaid but just after the wedding start to cut ties.
- Reply
VIP January 2020
Vicky · on December 25, 2019 at 2:11 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

She couldn't come to the wedding when it was in Mexico. Now it's planned for San Diego.
- Reply
VIP January 2020
Vicky · on December 25, 2019 at 2:14 AM
Flag

Hide content
Why on earth were you upset that she bought a computer but couldn't afford to also fly to Mexico for your wedding? Computer for her everyday use > trip for friend's wedding because they want to have a symbolic ceremony in another country.
- Reply
Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 25, 2019 at 8:08 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Can she come now?
- Reply
Beginner October 2021
Eliza · on December 25, 2019 at 8:01 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yeah, she can come now. It’s just our friendship isn’t the same as it used to be.
- Reply
Beginner October 2021
Eliza · on December 25, 2019 at 8:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I was upset because I felt like she lied to me to be excused from going to my wedding, which she had said yes to first before getting that computer. I felt that if she didn’t want to go, she could’ve been honest about it instead of make something up. But I realized later that it was silly to be upset and I got over it. I didn’t reach out to her to tell her I was over it because I didn’t even tell her I was upset in the first place. She found out through a mutual friend and she avoided me for 7 months.

Also, don’t get me started about what she’s using that computer for 😬
- Reply

Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 25, 2019 at 9:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

It is unfortunate but sometimes friendships do change. I hope things are cool until the end of wedding day.
- Reply