Removing a bridesmaid

Don't remove her, if she wants to back out its her choice. Explain to her how you feel, that you didn't think it was that big of a deal and you're sorry she feels that way. If she wants to step down because she isn't comfortable thats ok but do not kick her out or make it seem like you don't care if she is there. If you kick her out that could ruin the friendship forever but if she backs down on her own terms then its on her.

Ok, how would I go about asking her? There is more to this situation than just that message.

I think y'all should talk first. I wish she didn't text how she felt. Talk on the phone and try to meet at common ground. It sounds like a big misunderstanding. If she feels like she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding party, that is her choice.

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I don't know your full situation but I wouldn't "ask" I would just tell her if she really feels that uncomfortable that its her decision if she wants to be there or not and you won't force her to be if she doesn't want to.

Just say something along the lines of...I am sorry you feel as though we have drifted apart some, but I feel like we are still friends who have just had really busy schedules lately. If you feel as though you cannot support me 100% on my special day then I understand if you no longer want to be a part of it. However, I still would like you to be a part of my special day."

That way it acknowledges her issues, but makes it all her choice to back out. If she doesn't back out, but still insists on causing drama then it would be time to remove her from the bridal party.

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Perfect.

Bye Felicia. Life is busy. Everyone is busy. And if she didn't extend an olive branch asking how your plans were going then it's not neglected on either side. We were in a wedding last October, and we didn't ask that couple to be in our wedding because they are expecting. And we had to jump through hoops for their wedding that it put a strain on the friendship (and everyone else involved). You don't need that stress in your life. The limelight is off her and on you now!

With how things are going!? Is she referencing a fight or something that she may have blown out of proportion and been dwelling on for four months? Seems weird for her to suddenly want to work on/fix things if everything was fine before.

Either way, if she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, fine. If you’re interested in hanging out more often, since that’s clearly how she is defining the seriousness of your friendship, then say so! Personally, I’d come right out and ask where this is coming from, if I did something to offend the other person, and if so, it wasn’t my intention and I would still love for my friend to be in the wedding. If she doesn’t want to or can’t be in the wedding, that’s okay, but I still consider her a friend and would ask to get together soon and talk in more detail and just catch up.

Wow, she acts like y'all are still in high school right down the hall and across the street from each other... I have best friends in my bridal party that I don't speak to or see in person for weeks, even months at a time, because guess what? Life is busy, and adults shouldn't have to talk every day or even every week to ensure their friendship is still a thing...

I wouldn't remove her, but I'd verbally give her an ultimatum. I wouldn't apologize either. You're planning a wedding, and it should be understood that your life right now is a little more chaotic than usual.

I didn't take that as her wanting to step down. Maybe she has different expectations for a friendship, and the best way to resolve it is to communicate. I don't think the attitude of "Bye, Felicia" is really called for here. You asked her to stand with you for a reason, and however misguided, I think it was her asking for reassurance. If she was important enough in your life for you to ask her to be your bridesmaid, then she should at least be important enough to sit down and communicate with.

You two need to pick up the phone and actually speak to each other. These seem like unrealistic expectations and reactions for adults. My best friend and I are super busy, live 15 minutes from each other and sometimes don't see each other for weeks or months because we are both mom's and we both have stuff to do. You should probably reach out and find out what's really going on and then yall need to establish some boundaries or something.

By that message I'd say she's stepping down. I'm interpreting this as a last attempt to save a friendship. She's letting you know she feels like the friendship is dwindling away and she wants you to basically say you're sorry and make plans to get together or agree with her and end the friendship. Most people don't want to be a bridesmaid for someone they aren't close with, so if you don't see yourself having time for her in the future you might want to tell her you understand where she's coming from and unfortunately don't see the future being any different.

Have a serious discussion with her and see where it's going. I don't know when your wedding date is but id be pretty upset if one of my bridesmaids dropped out last min, because of a childish argument, and I didn't have time to replace them.

One of my bridesmaids is my best friend from high school, who I don't talk to even on a monthly basis! But we are the type of friends where we can go months without talking and when we are together it's like no time has passed. Sounds like she's a bit high strung tbh. I'd let her go if she wants.

I think a friend should WANT to be there for you, not feel obligated. One of my bridesmaids and I don't talk often, but when we do it's like we never stopped. We are thankful for the time that we have together but realize that our lives aren't completely in sync and we can't talk as often as we'd like. She's still as excited as I am about her being in my wedding!

I would attempt to "work things out" with this friend, but she doesn't sound super excited about being there on your big day. I can't tell you what you should do, but go with your gut and if the excitement isn't mutual, then you have a choice to make.

I actually think it sounds like she thinks there is animosity between the two of you or she is mad at you about something. Doesn’t sound like a normal not talking often type of thing. I’d have an actual talk with her to find out if there is something she’s actually specifically upset about. And if not maybe she’s kinda just doing a fade away from the friendship. Or she might think you are and that’s her issue? I’d have a face to face chat.

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I agree with all of this!