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Just Said Yes May 2022

Removing a Bridesmaid?

Hannah, on August 6, 2021 at 7:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hello! My wedding is on 05/06/22 and I currently have 4 bridesmaid. Two maids of honor (my sisters), my oldest childhood friend and my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend, who I’ve recently gotten close with over the past 2 years (we will call her “B”).

So B and I have had a falling out recently, about 3 months ago. I made the mistake of making a joke about one of her friends, which was not taken well. I apologized (the morning after it happened and a month later) but things still don’t seem right. She had avoided me for a whole month and the friendship has become very strained.
Here’s the kicker: her boyfriend is my fiancé’s best friend. He’s a groomsman and he also lives with us.
I am pretty confident that B and I will no longer be friends, and I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid. I’ve become so bitter with the way she’s been treating me. I just don’t want this to ruin the friendship between my fiancé and his best friend. I also don’t want his best friend to drop out of the wedding. What do you think I should do? Do you think I should suck it up and allow this person who does not care for me at all to be in my wedding? Or should I kick her out?
P.S. B and her boyfriend are looking at apartments together. So we’re hoping that B’s boyfriend won’t be living with us any longer.

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10 Comments

Champion November 2054
Jacks · on August 6, 2021 at 8:01 PM
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This is why we say not to choose the bridal party until about 9 months before the wedding. Things can change. If you ask her to leave the wedding party, you will lose the groomsman too. There will be drama, and both friendships will be finished. My advice would be to not address it at all for now, because there is still quite a bit of time before your wedding. Be gracious with both of them, and see how everything plays out. If she doesn't want to do it come May next year, then that's OK.
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Super September 2022
Sarah · on August 6, 2021 at 8:24 PM
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Have the girls bought their dresses yet? If not, I’d wait until closer to that, but if you’re going to cut her do it before she spends more money on this. If she already bought her dress I’d say wait it out and just see how it plays out. I wouldn’t risk straining your fiancé and his friend’s friendship. It’s a tough situation, there’s no easy answer.
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Super June 2021
Bird · on August 6, 2021 at 8:30 PM
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I would not remove her. I’ve heard of horror stories. It could be stress and drama for years to come as opposed to the short term stress of having her stay in.

That being said you should not have to deal with feeling bitter towards her during your wedding process and wedding day.
I’m worried about the long term effects tho. Will she take it so hard that you’ll never be able to be in the same room together again? (This happened to one friend) if your fiancé is close with her BF maybe you’d want to get together at some point?
There’s no way to say for sure if she’ll take it ok. She might have a grudge on your forever if you “kick her out” of your bridal party. (I asked someone to step down from something way more trivial and she was devastated and hurt and took it out of control to the point where I wish I never said anything to begin with)
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Expert February 2020
Givemeallthepups · on August 6, 2021 at 10:28 PM
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Honestly, my guess is that she would probably like an out from your wedding. If someone made a joke about one of my friends behind their back, I wouldn’t want to be in her wedding either.

I would be gracious and tell her that you shouldn’t have said that, you feel your relationship has been strained and you understand / respect if she doesn’t want to be in your wedding anymore.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on August 6, 2021 at 10:44 PM
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You are justified to remove her from your wedding party. You should never ask anyone who is not part of your innermost supportive social circle, and never do anything out of obligation to please others.
Your fiancé can maintain a friendship with him without you having to keep one with her.
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Desiree · on August 7, 2021 at 10:30 AM
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What I would probably do is have a talk with her and explain basically what you just said that you know things are rough between you and her but you wouldn’t want that to affect your fiancé and his friend considering that I’m sure her boyfriend knows the situation anyways so probably explain that and if she is Interested in working things out she can stay and if she doesn’t want to be that close and just wants to be cordial then she can not be a bridesmaid anymore.
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Devoted October 2021
Kk · on August 7, 2021 at 12:55 PM
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This. If you really think there's no chance of repairing the friendship then I would give her the chance to step down.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on August 9, 2021 at 9:53 AM
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Your wedding isn't until next year. Focus on repairing the friendship and her relationship to you as a friend, not as a bridesmaid.
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Super May 2022
Samantha · on August 9, 2021 at 9:56 AM
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I agree with this. If she really feels the way you say she does, she probably doesn't want to be in the wedding anyway. So maybe just ask her. "Hey I know things aren't really how they used to be with us, would you like to switch to being a guest in our wedding instead of a BM?"
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· on August 10, 2021 at 2:31 AM
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Why did you make her a bridesmaid only after a short time?. Things happen. Why don’t you call her and talk to her, before things start getting out of control. It’s only the girlfriend but they may work out. Maybe she wants out too. Just talk to her
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