Religious family... Non religious wedding

Will you be having any kind of religious elements in your ceremony such as a prayer or a bible verse reading etc

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No, neither of us are religious in any way. We both grew up in religious households but have since decided that wasn't the lifestyle we wanted. I feel like it would be sacrilegious to incorporate any religious elements when that isn't something either of us believe or take part in.

You don't need to bring it up. They will find out it's not in a church when they receive invitations. The ceremony is about you and your fiance. If you aren't religious, then don't include religious elements to make others happy. If they don't like your choice of ceremony, they can stay home and be bitter. Their anger and intolerance is not your fault.

For the immediate family I think he would just have to say, “We are having our wedding at X location.” In terms of the extended family I would let them find out from the invitation or just word of mouth from his extended family. If you two are paying for the wedding then make sure you do what makes both of you happy.


I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this.

I would just tell them you found a venue that you love and leave it at that.

It is quite literally none of their business. Put the address on the invitation and if they show up they show up up. If they don't, are they really the kind of people you want to celebrate with, anyway?
As adults sometimes we need to look at people as individuals, not family that should have exceptions made for their behavior. If you think they won't come now, would letting the news out easy change that?
I hope your fiance's family is able to step out of their self-importance and be there for him on such an important day.

Thank you all for the feedback. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking too much into it. I hope they look past it too and will be there for him.

The way our families are is just so completely different, and sometimes those differences are very apparent during big life changing events. Thank you all!

If this is important for you and your spouse it is your day and you guys get to decide how you would like to celebrate that day. If they are close and important people to either one of you I would advise you to speak to them and let them know what you both agreed on. What's important to you both is what matters most and those that love and respect you will understand and be there to celebrate your big day! best wishes

You don't warn them, or convince them, or anything.

You have your wedding. You tell them when and where it is, and if they try to object, you thank them for their input, and change the subject.

Now's the time to set the boundaries.

Good luck!

We almost have the same situation. FH family is super religious. We've been together for 8 years and have loved together just as long. His family seemed to be totally find with our relationship and even our engagement. But after being engaged for almost 2 years and planning a wedding. Not once did his family seem interested in it. I'd tried to talk to his mom about wedding plans and going with me to try on dresses, but she only wanted to talk about his cousin who just got married. Then in the beginning of March we found out his dad refused to come to the wedding. His mom said she'd come only because it's her child but she doesn't support it. Then things blew up. Basically they believe our relationship is a sin since we've lived together before marriage. We've "bullied" them into accepting us which goes against their christian beliefs. FH told her that if she can't accept our love, she isn't welcome either and they haven't spoken since. Our planned officiant, just like you, is a dear friend who is a lesbian (although things aren't looking good with covid). And now in place of his family, he wants to invite more of our lgbt friends.

View Quoted Comment We talked to my then FI's parents' parish priest, who also knew FI from boyhood. He agreed that fighting over things would be destructive.
So he talked to IL with us there. He explained that bottom line was, neither of us believed all of the teachings of the church, though he believed we were personally good and moral people. They asked, as predicted, could he marry them in church, hope that helps us change? He explained to them , thet would be all of us standing before God and all present, and lying. Would they want that? No. Then he said, it was his view that we would never be Catholics. It was also his view that we had strong moral development, wanted to be married and have a family, and would keep to our vows. And should stand together at any olace of our choosing, a civil ceremony. But remember, in the eyes of the church, when a couple marries, anywhere, they exchange vows before God, and it is a valid marriage. Simply not a sacramental marriage in the church. And as we will never qualify for a RCC wedding, the best thing for parents is not to disapprove and stay away. It is to support us in getting married, and having our children in a happy and moral family.
That was everything, to them. They grew up in a generation in the church in which rejection of a person not following church teachings was the thing. The priest said, it was up to them to show love to their children, and future grandchildren, and the only way to do that was to wholeheartedly support our marriage. Most priests know the dilemma well. And while the ideal might be for a couple to transform into believing, practicing Catholics, in reality a good legal marriage is the next best thing.

View Quoted Comment Wow! I’m amazed you had to go through all of this, but good for the priest! Having been raised in a Catholic Church/family I completely sympathize. My mom has made her share of remarks regarding our wedding FH & I have chosen, yet she doesn’t know all of the details of the ceremony. I have shared with her as much as I can to explain to her that I am a practicing Buddhist and FH is agnostic...probably an abomination in her eyes lol but that’s neither here nor there.
My mother would not attend the ceremony or reception of my niece who is Gay because homosexuality goes against her beliefs.
I’m trying to prepare her for our mostly Buddhist ceremony by letting her know there will be prayers, we will be married by a priest, etc. but who knows. I doubt she would walk out or make a scene and I would not expect the same from your FH’s family. It’s unfortunate that they believe and act as they do, but we can neither control what they think or how they feel, and what decisions they make. We can only control ourselves in any given situation. I don’t think it’s necessary to say or do anything at this point. The sexual orientation is not essential for them to know about your officiant. They can figure that out for themselves lol and as for your non religious ceremony, let them choose to whether or not to attend. I would not go out of my way to treat them any differently than any other guest you’re inviting. This day and age there are so many unique and “unorthodox” traditions and celebrations. At the end of the day, it’s important that you do you.

View Quoted Comment Having the priest talk with FFIL and FMIL, and us, made all the difference to his parents. They accepted our non Catholic civil officiant, the ceremony and the marriage, with no further reservations.
At one point he brought up the generation of priests who raised him ( He was approaching 70) and how they used to send parents out to work on their children not marrying in the church " in hateful ways", refusing to attend, rather than accepting that any belief in God or the Church has to come from within the couple, the current position. This to them was permission to do what they wanted inside all along, to stay close to their son and pur then hoped for family.
But I have since recommended to others that have parents thinking they should boycott the marriage, to talk to the parent's priest. And they have all told the older generation, you may not approve. But they still must show love for their grown children, and support them in marriage and family. (I am not Christian, never was. Hubby was raised Catholic, and we turned out to be the first of 4 marriages of hubby and 3 of his 12 SIBs , outside the Catholic faith. )

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Oh the times, they are a-changing and thank goodness

Tell them you don’t want to go to hell for lying in a house of god. That should shut them up.