Religious family, non-religious ceremony?

"We haven't found a church YET so we decided to have a friend marry us. We know you wouldn't want a reverend/priest/minister/rabbi who knows nothing about us to perform the wedding. That wouldn't be meaningful to anyone. BTW how was that dinner you went to last weekend?"

If you are not comfortable with a religious ceremony you should respect that his extended family may not be comfortable with a non-religious ceremony. I would have FH tell them ahead of time and tell them some BS reason that maybe other guests aren't comfortable with religious ceremony or something. That way it doesn't fall on you and you can avoid a rift with them yourselves

I honestly wouldn't mention if my ceremony was religious or not before the wedding. If his family loves him and is supportive of him, I would think it would be important to just be there regardless of the type of ceremony.

^truth as well

They can decide to judge while they are there...or maybe they won't even notice it isn't religious

When they get the invite and the location doesnt say "Ceremony at Church of Holy Bliss" the family will know

@Crystal - not necessarily. I'm catholic and my wedding is not in a church but I'm still having a religious ceremony

We aren't very religious, but both families are. We are getting married in the courtyard of a museum and a family friend (not clergy) is marrying us. We do not have a "home church" or clergy. I've already had my grandfather scoff at us not getting married in a church and his mom grill us about the "credentials" of the person performing the ceremony. We will still have religious readings important to us, but everyone has their opinions about what is "good enough". No matter where you have it, what the content is or who performs it, someone will find fault. I got the best responses from both sides when we were firm, but polite in our stance, "this is what is important to us". I also find in my own life that people's responses are better than I anticipate a lot of times.

If it were his parents or other immediate family members who would be alarmed by a non-religious ceremony, I'd advise you to make some compromises (like having a non-religious ceremony but having a reference to God in the final blessing--and maybe have it recited by one of the religious family members).

But since you're talking extended family, I think that falls into the "you can't please all of the people all of the time" category. It's hard enough to live one's life according to one's own beliefs--let alone trying to incorporate the beliefs of extended family members. While you certainly needn't go out of your way to antagonize them, if they are the type to hold a grudge because of your very personal decision on how you both want an intensely personal commitment presented, then that's their issue, not yours.

Good luck!

I'm in the same position with some of my family. Very Roman Catholic and we're not. To avoid drama, I'm not inviting them. May cause different drama but its our day and we want to be happy.

A little God goes a long way. I do mostly non religious ceremonies, but quite a few have scripture read by guests or family (which seems more like a gift from them than something you designed).

Thanks everyone for all the great responses! I like the idea of having something vague that could be taken either way in the ceremony; that might appease the family. I'm sure that the fact that the officiant isn't a minister might be a bit of an issue, but I think I'll take your advice and not bring it up beforehand if I can avoid it.

If it comes up, I'll probably thing of some BS excuse as to why. I just hope it turns out okay!