Religion drama

Just like you have the right to get married wherever you see fit, his mom also has the right to skip the ceremony because she feels uncomfortable in the church. It's unfortunate and I can see how that would be upsetting to your FH, but there's nothing that anyone can (or should) do to change it.

I think you need to respect that your mother-in-law feels strongly about her religion, just as you and your FH do. Is it unfortunate that she won’t be there? Absolutely. Is it ok for you both to be disappointed? Of course. There isn’t anything you can do about it though.

I think you should get married wherever you and your fiancé choose. If that’s a Catholic Church, so be it. However the two of you need to have a long discussion about how his mothers religious beliefs are going to effect your lives. It’s not just for the wedding. What if you have children, is she going to refuse to attend their christening and holy communions? I’m sure you’ve celebrated some holidays together, is that going to be an issue in the future when she refuses to participate in anything? While his mother is completely entitled to have whatever beliefs she chooses, just make sure the two of you have already discussed all instances where it may be a problem. Is he really going to be ok with his mother missing out on everything? It’ll be a lot easier now than in the heat of the moment when there’s a disagreement.

Yes I understand what you all are saying, we need to respect her beliefs but I guess because I have a son I don’t understand because if he was getting married I would not miss it no matter what (but that’s just me). Holidays we do without her, but she will make a dinner for us like after thanksgiving or after Christmas. I just don’t understand how her religion thinks that it’s a bad thing to go into our church. I know a few different religions and they always welcome ANYONE no matter what.

I almost married a man with a JW mom and I just wanted to chime in to say your future MIL is not the only one who feels this way. That same sentiment was made very clear to me, as well.
I don’t understand it, I don’t agree with it...but in my experience it is a faith thing and not specific to your family.

One of my former friends/coworkers is a Jehovah's Witness and she said she couldn't be in our wedding because we were going to be married by a pastor, but she planned on attending. My husband doesn't believe in God and I do so we elected to go with a pastor our venue recommended. After she said she couldn't be in the wedding, we decided to go with a different officiant because I really wanted her to be in the wedding. After we changed officiants to a mayor, she happily agreed to be a bridesmaid. Needless to say, I ended up losing my job and she dropped out of the wedding because she felt weird being in the wedding when she had been my supervisor at the job I was fired from even though she isn't the one who fired me. Although she was planning on attending the wedding before all this happened. She also attended her father's Catholic wedding, but she didn't participate in it in any way. Some Jehovah's Witnesses are more strict than others. Based on what you've said, your mother-in-law is a very strict Jehovah's Witness therefore she is uncomfortable attending any ceremony that incorporates other religions. Sadly, there isn't much you can do about it. Your fiance can be upset, but his mom has every right to refuse to attend based on her beliefs. It sounds like her religion is more of a priority to her than her relationships if that is the reason her marriage to your father-in-law ended. Your fiance honestly shouldn't be surprised since she has made it clear in the past that her religion will come first. At this point I would just let it go and focus on the people who will be there for you.

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It's great that you're going to be accepting of your child no matter how what, however, there are intolerant people in every religion. I can't tell you how many of my FW's catholic family members have declined to come to our wedding because of their beliefs, but we haven't made any attempt to change their mind. It's her religion and she's entitled to it.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately there are parents who don’t believe in the no matter what policy :-/

If the sacrament of marriage in a Catholic Church is important to you and your FH then that is your answer. If you get married outside of the church there is a good chance the Catholic Church will not recognize it.

My fiancé and I are Catholic. It was really important for us to have the sacrament within the church over anything else.

I have a coworker who had a small Catholic ceremony (of only immediate family) in order to take part in the sacrament. Then they had another ceremony at their reception venue for everyone else. Is something like this possible?

View Quoted Comment Thank you for suggesting this sounds great!

View Quoted Comment Best of luck! I hope it all works out.

I wouldn’t say that your MIL is putting her religion before your wedding or family at all. Some religions, such as JW or Muslims or some Protestant denominations have a different understanding of what a person’s relationship to God should be. And that means that she believes she is being pleasing to God by not attending any one else’s worship service. Without judging whether this is right or wrong; it just happens to be her belief system.

Could you continue with your plans as they are and then find a few minutes to meet with his mom and recite vows to each other with her in attendance? That way, she would still feel included without having to go against her beliefs.

View Quoted Comment I have found that sometimes religious beliefs trump everything else. My FMIL will disown my fiancé if we don't get married in a church, and she flat out explained that her beliefs are more important than the relationship with her son. I think thats so sad - but thats her norm. I cant change her. Let her sit in the car.

I totally understand how this is upsetting to your H. However, many religions are not supportive of participation in other religious ceremonies. Mormon temples do not allow non-mormons into their spaces, for example. I think you need to plan the ceremony you and your H want, regardless of others feelings and everyone - including his mom - can make the choice to attend or not.

I for one know how this is I was in this same triangle- have you ever read about the drama triangle- it talks about- victim rescuer and persecutor basically its saying we each play a role in these situations and we each can fall into becoming a victim until we learn to trust ourselves and our partners to deal with the situation. So I learned to excuse myself from the triangle. Your MIL has the right to her own beliefs and so do you. I for one do not have to stress my opinion because even though I have the right to my opinion I don't have the right to stress that opinion she could simply respectfully decline the invite and meet you at the reception
Be careful of that and perhaps explain that to her so you build a healthy relationship - if she is honoring God like you are she will understand ( Proverbs 15:1)