Relative is a professional singer; how to ask to perform?

I came across some wedding etiquette tips that suggested it was rude to ask a guest/relative to perform for one’s wedding. It got me wondering about something we’ve been discussing for ours.



One of my cousins is a professional singer of some renown. We were decently close growing up and while I would tease them lovingly for our bathtub Disney songs performances, I knew they took singing very seriously. They’re good and even picky FH (who has some semi-pro performance background) was impressed by their skills during a recent family wedding we attended. From what I understood and what my cousin told me, their performance at that wedding was not asked for but silently “expected” and they were more than happy to have an opportunity to sing for family and friends.

We’re seriously considering asking my cousin to perform our first dance song that I know they also like and, more importantly, have performed before. We feel we should approach it by asking what my cousin’s performance fee would be then going from there but is this too forward?

For a bit more background for what I’m going to say next, cash gifts are standard at weddings in my culture but I’m not counting on them to cover any part of the wedding cost because that’s unreasonable. I feel my cousin will happily take this as an opportunity to not have to bring a cash gift and instead offer their performance as the gift. It’s in line with their character (which I am rarely wrong about) and I personally don’t mind it at all if it means they’d be happier performing. However, some of our older relatives may take this as an offense. I’m not sure if we should maybe fudge the truth to the elders and say I contracted my cousin?

Just in case anyone asks, we have a backup plan in case of illness (we don’t mind a DJ played track) and honestly, I don’t think cousin would turn down an opportunity to perform. While FH has some concerns they’d feel pressured to accept out of familial obligation, I feel I know my cousin well enough to say they never feel obligated to sing because they love singing that much!