Relative Copying All Wedding Details

Honestly, I think I would feel weirder about her copying the venue and colors than the photographer, but it seems like it might be too late for that. From a guest standpoint, they will definitely notice that they are going to the same venue within a few months, but they likely will not notice that the photographer is the same or will just think you helped each other out with that. If the photographer is the most important thing to you, I don't think it's unreasonable to tell her you want to have different photographers so that your pictures are different. I'm sorry it's so stressful trying to manage the relationship with your sister.

I understand being frustrated with your sister, but I'm also not sure how much having the same photographer matters. Daughter was referred to her photographer by one of her best friends (daughter was in that wedding). He's awesome and she loved everything about him, so of course she referred him to other friends who were looking for photographers. I believe he was the photographer for at least four different weddings of daughter's friends within a 1-year time frame. The one thing the photographs from all four weddings have in common is that they are beautiful, but I don't think anyone would look at them and think, "Oh, my gosh! They all had the same photographer." Only you can decide how you want to approach your relationship with your sister long-term. Based on your short post, it's sounds like she's about drama, but sometimes the quickest way to shut that down is to not play into it. In my experience with people like that, most people have their number and realize she's the drama queen. Good luck!

I definitely understand your frustration. My family is having five weddings 2020. My cousin starts in January and I end in November. I’m in my cousins’ and she’s in mine. We all are sharing certain details in advice. We’ve leaned on each other for support as we are all getting married and in the planning process and understand how frustrating wedding planning is. Your sister may be having a difficult time planning because it might not be her niche. That’s totally okay. My mom will have the exact same wedding too as me lol. But, there are certain details that you can keep to yourself and not share with anyone. Maybe you can spruce your wedding up by personalizing it a little more (different traditions, different ways to send off or exit etc.) that way people won’t think they’re attending the same wedding. Plus, I really don’t see that as a concern because your sisters. Most people will totally understand the sharing and planning process. Others will look at it as your sister is your sister and her wedding and you are having your wedding. Mostly, because people could care less about those details and will focus on you. You can politely share with your sister that you would rather help her and not share your photographer because it’s symbolic to you. Or, you can tell your sister your photographer and also help her to understand that you would like to keep some uniqueness to your wedding. Take it a little easy on her as it’s possible that we are worried about comparison. But, it’s nothing to worry about. People will equally love and support both weddings because of who you both are individually.

I definitely understand you being upset with her for copying all your ideas. The photographer is not the thing I'd be upset about (the pictures will be different regardless of the same photographer), the same venue would have done it for me.

Honestly, if your wedding isn't until July, I would try to go a completely different direction than she is. Obviously you shouldn't change anything about your wedding for someone else, but if it's important to you that you have identifiably different weddings at the same venue and only two months apart, I'd make some changes. Change the colors, change the theme, don't worry about the photographer. Don't tell any details to anyone but your FH.

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Thank you Dayna, appreciate your kind words. Yes, at this point, it's too late, she's already chose the same venue and color so my FH and I will be decorating differently and hosting the ceremony in a different area of the venue. The photographer is important, we are flying him out to our venue and I worked so hard to find him and establish a relationship and it feels like she's just taking everything, the photos are forever so that's why i treasure the photography so much.

I get where you are coming from. My brother-in-law got married 6 weeks after us and his wife kept asking for my opinion on like everything even though we aren't close and she wasn't in my wedding and I wasn't in hers. She would message me on Facebook all the time with questions. It got to the point that I had to be very vague with my answers. They originally were going to do the exact same wedding colors as us, but then changed their minds. We also wanted to get married in September and announced that is when we planned on getting married, but then they decided they were getting married in September after we already announced it so we changed our wedding date. I was so nervous their wedding was going to be identical to ours, but luckily it turned to look nothing like ours. Plus, theirs was so disorganized and the night before she was literally calling her photographer to decide on where to even meet and when because she had no clue. She also asked us for a list of photos we took because she needed to provide a list to her photographer. She didn't know what photos would be best so she wanted to use our list as a starting point. My suggestion is to have your photographer take photos that are unique. I had photos with my bridal party and I throwing confetti in the air. I had another photo with me standing in the front and my bridal party standing behind me popping out on either side of me. My husband took funny photos with his bridal party. I would tell your photographer special photos you like, but don't tell your sister. Also, our photos took 6 weeks to get to us so if your sister gets her photos before your wedding you will be able to see what poses they did and you can try to avoid doing those same poses. If you aren't close with your sister, it seems strange your in each other's weddings as it is supposed to be those closest to you.

Thanks for the quick responses, everyone! We are doing things slightly differently than hers and will most likely change the color as well as we still have time. I just dont want my sister to have all the same details as me and it feels like shes creating a competition here when I just want to get married, party with our loved ones and enjoy the day. In all honestly, i did not want her in my bridal party but made compromises for family. I just stopped sharing details with her bc it feels like she copies everything. Our photographer is special to us and I'm happy to refer him to friends, just not her since she already has everything else that I wanted for my own wedding. Am i wrong to feel protective of our photographer? I know the photos wouldn't be the same but i know she will brag and take the credit for finding him when I found him a long time ago first.

I agree with PPs, her having the same photographer is one thing.. Photographers are artistic and create beautiful imagery that represents the individuality in each wedding.. her copying your colors and venue is another.. Those details are what guest are going to "see double of".. it's also those details which will make it harder for the photographer to have a more "creative mind."

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry you are going through this. I used the same photographer as one of my friends because I saw her photos on Facebook and loved them. Her sister is also using the same photographer. I would be more upset about her using the same colors and venue. We were going to change colors when my brother-in-law was going to do the same colors as us, but luckily he talked to his bride and told her that we had these colors picked out way before we got engaged and they should do a different color so it worked out for us. It doesn't sound like your sister really cares so if the coping really bothers you I would change your colors and hope she doesn't change them to match yours.

Oh I know this feeling all too well. My cousin got engaged a few months after me, which is another story in itself but she essentially bullied her boyfriend of 10 years to fiannly propose because she was upset that my husband and I got engaged in a shorter aomunt of time.

Anyhow, as a bridesmaid I told her a lot of details that she asked about a lot of things when I was planning. She decided to have her wedding two months before mine, knowing full well it would be difficult for me to travel to another state to be in hers and financially commit to hers so close to my own. Either way, I made it work but she definitely made it all a competition. Constantly either copying my ideas or throwing things in my face. The planning process was frustrating and that has always been her personality. Even now, she is always asking about when we want to have a baby. Assuming so they can plan as well. Petty. But when you know someone for over two decades you know someone.

Try to distance yourself and don't give her the attention or the details she wants.

The photographer isn't a big deal. Your pictures will definitely look different I promise you that.

Can you stop sharing things with her from this point forward?

Just reading this made me cringe. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Photography is important to me.. so I understand. I would be upset too! Can you stop sharing details or be vague with her? I would tell her that I haven’t decided on things if she asks. Sounds like you need to give yourself some space from her during planning.

I think you're overreacting. Her photos will be totally different.