Relationship/date/plus one etiquette

If it’s FBIL’s girlf, yeah, I think you do invite her. Have FH get her name so you can address the invitation properly. It may feel lousy but I think to not invite her would cause drama you don’t need or want.

*girlfriend*
Stupid fat fingers!

Yes, you’d still be out of line not inviting his girlfriend. Don’t answer her rudeness by being just as rude.

You're wedding is an entire year away. They might not even be together by then. Unfortunately, someone being socially awkward or having poor manners doesn't negate the relationship. So yeah, I'd say you'd have to invite her. My 21 year old brother got into a relationship after I sent out my wedding invitations. We were having a small wedding in a venue with a strict guest count limitation. I told my mom if I had enough declines the new girlfriend could come. My mom said he would rather bring his guy friend anyway. Um no lol. I didn't end up extending an invite to her. Seriously they got together like one month before my wedding. They broke up 2 months after the wedding anyway. My point being, play it by ear.

While those who have dated anywhere from 24 hours to several years should be invited together..

haha this made me laugh!

Yeah this girl sounds socially shy. Could you set up a double date between you four between now and the wedding, or are they long distance?

You would definitely be out of line by not inviting a girl that could potentially be your future sister in law. She’s part of the extended family you’re marrying into, so you’re going to have to get used to her even if you won’t ever be friendly. Not including her is 100% NOT worth the drama tail spin that would follow. It’s a great way to start off a marriage on completely the wrong foot with the in laws. Maybe you’ll all get lucky and they’ll part ways. But not worth alienating his family over.


asss for the rest. The plus ones I gave out (we only gave them to those who were traveling and wouldn’t know anyone [ie our single friends traveling with their whole friend group didn’t get guests]) weren’t for ME. They were for our guests’ comfort. I don’t really care whether or not my guests’ guests said hi to me or no, I care that their presence is what made our loved ones happy to come and able to have a good time. To me, THAT is the point of plus ones— not so that extra people gush over us, but so that the people who are really important to us feel good about coming to celebrate with us. There’s nothing worse than going to a wedding and only knowing the couple and being awkward and alone the whole time — I wouldn’t want to do that to the people I really wanted there. (I know that’s a different ballgame than your ultimate issue, but, a perspective on the overall subject)

View Quoted Comment Yes, this 10000%

View Quoted Comment Their comfort? I can understand that depending on who the guest is, but we were discussing my FH’s brother. That is quite disturbing if he cannot feel comfortable at an event where his family is without his gf.
I suppose we were raised differently. I find it rude when someone says “hi” to you and you completely ignore them, especially in that someone’s own house or wedding! 🤷🏾‍♀️

First, you only need to give an invitation to a guest's SO if they are in an established relationship already, about 10 weeks out when you are addressing invitations. Not any relationship started after that. There is a cutoff once invitations are out. That is general ettiquette as well as for weddings. So people coming to you with someone new 3 weeks before the wedding, you have no obligation, you can say yes or no, even to family or wedding party . . . . As for this person who never speaks to you, have you ever invited her to come to your home for dinner with your FBIL? Or some other time in a very small group? Some people have anxiety issues, some it is simple embarrassment because they have a communication issue, and some cultures and families, newly introduced people do not speak unless spoken to. Others do not wear glasses to social events, and never respond to waves, or someone just catching their eye. It may not be deliberate rudeness. Also, when I have known brides who complained, this one and that one did not talk to them all night, I have asked, did you, as host, talk to them during the course of the evening, thanking them for coming, initiating brief conversation, as is called for from every host at every party or wedding? And so far, every time, the complaining bride has said, no. Guests should all come to me. That is wrong. Whether there is a receiving line after the ceremony or at the start of the reception, or just table visits later, the hosts- the couple marrying, for weddings, have the responsibility of approaching and speaking with every guest. Sometime people the bride and groom do not know, whom they as hosts do not speak to, feel ignored or rejected. Since this woman is dating family, take the time to get to know her. . . . But either way, invite her to the wedding with F BIL, as it would be rude on your part to not invite his regular SO . The solution to feeling badly treated by someone is not to be rude in return. It is to remedy the problem where possible. If F BIL has not made an effort to introduce his girlfriend to your FI and You, and your FI has not made an overture, then this woman has likely felt pretty rejected herself .

View Quoted Comment She comes from the same culture as me. Also, this isn’t “an eye for an eye” concept. Call me crazy, but I really do not want to look back at wedding pics and see people in them who

A). neither my FH or I know,
B). Anyone who is malicious, mean-spirited, or downright rude to us in nearly every interaction,
C). Anybody who would introduce drama or bring on bad vibes with their presence.

Thanks for sharing your opinion and you bring up a good point, don’t respond to rudeness with rudeness.

View Quoted Comment Yes I have invited her to my home twice. She’s declined twice. If you read my previous comment I made it clear that I extended a greeting first and she ignored me. I’m not sitting on a throne expecting others to acknowledge me first.

So there’s a thin line between doing something because it’s etiquette and doing something because it’s the right thing to do. Etiquette is going to tell you that you don’t need to invite the girlfriend because they’re not married and she seems like an unpleasant person you don’t want at your wedding. However, that may not be the right thing to do. Is it worth risking family drama over one person? So she ignores you. Yeah, that’s not right of her and she should at least be cordial, but at least she’s not being an outright wench and starting drama with you. What if the brother marries this woman and she gets over whatever this is that’s she’s ignoring you? Do you want to look back on this and have regrets? You have a lot of time to make a decision about this, but I would suggest if they’re still together you invite her. Even though it’s your wedding, it’s also your fiancés and it’s an important event in his families lives too. By not inviting her you could start a lot of drama, much more than having one guest ignore you.

Typically yes, siblings and bridal party members are allotted a guest. To give everyone but your FBIL a guest can be seen as rude.

However, I hypocritically say this because we're not giving all of our single guests plus ones. We have a couple perpetually single guy friends, so we saw this as a waste. A couple of our cousins who are in relationships but aren't married/engaged weren't given a guest either. In many cases my FH and I have never met their SOs and didn't really want a stranger at our wedding. All of them (except for my cousin Veruca Salt) understood our space/budget reasoning.

I'm almost in the same boat as you. My brother and his, i don't even know what to call her, have been "seeing" each other for maybe more than 3 years. He doesn't talk about her and when he brings her over its only at night (he still lives with my mom but in a back trailer.) She has never tried to make any conversation with us. The reason i talked to her once was cause i came to visit my mom and she was there. they were both in my parents living room (while my parents were gone) and you could tell he was shocked to see me. He thought no one would be home lol. I also forgot to mention she is almost the age as my mom. My brother is 32. I asked my brother about his feeling towards her and he said he doesnt care for her. My wedding is very small and i'm only inviting a total of 50 people maybe less. My fh and i are paying for everything. My family hasn't offered to help, neither has him. I know etiquette say to invite her, but etiquette isn't going to give me money lol. We are trying to save as much as possible. So I rather use that invite on someone else. I don't think he'll mind cause we don't invite her to anything and she never invited us to anything. I know everyone will tell you you have to, but i don't know, i feel like i've spent all my life pleasing everyone. I'm 36 and i feel like this wedding is finally something i get to decide what i want without really caring what people thing. Maybe cause i'm older i think different. But this is my perspective lol.

No one came into the bridal suite besides the bridesmaids & moms. That's odd behavior for a guest that knows the bride. I would just ask your brother why his girlfriend behaves that way towards you.

You have loads of time on this - they might not be together by then. But yes, you need to invite her.