Relationship with parents

I do not have a great relationship with my mother at all. When we announced our engagement she responded with a firm "I am your mother and I will be involved". Clearly after that I want her involved as little as possible.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and I am sorry that she is unable to see what a moment in life this could be for the two of you. Surround yourself with people and women who love you and lean on them. Just know that you aren't alone. I get it.

My mother and I aren't as close as I wish we were. We are total opposites. I include her in enough of the planning so she feels involved but as little as I can so we don't clash. I am sorry you are going through what you are. Maybe you can do like me and just include her just enough so she feels involved but not to much so nothing hurts you in the long run.

@Abbey thank you, I do try to do that. My FMIL is wonderful so I share a lot with her.

@Veronica that sounds like it would work well for me too- let her be involved but only to an extent.

Thanks, I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way but I'm sorry that you both are experiencing this too.

My MIL is this way to both DH & I so, I think I can kinda relate. She actually skipped our wedding. We decided not to allow it to get the best of us. We acted like we didn't care. I think the best you can do is not expect much from her. Smile in the face of her negativity. Good luck!

I am taking my real mother dress shopping once with my SIL there to buffer. After that she may get put on envelope stuffing but that may not even happen.

You're going to need to stop seeking validation from your mother. She's not going to change just because you're getting married, I'm sorry to say.

@mrs. sitzman really?! I think I recall taking to you previously about your MIL as we both have issues with ours!

But yes OP I have a difficult relationship with my birth mom. My mom has passed.. my birth mother is still around and she's horrible. It's heart break after heart break with her and my bio dad has recently gotten a hold of me just to tell me that my sister and I are fat, ugly, pos and he hates us. Yes out of nowhere and no I am not even fat. Ugly.. that's debatable! Lol. My sister has gained weight after her chemo and he knew she had cancer. My mom & dad are both gone but I am left with my birth parents who step in and out (mostly my bio mom, bio dads always been out) and she's just a terrible person. Yes it's hard and yes you are being robbed of a moment but pick yourself up! The person who will find you beautiful in that dress is your husband. He is all that matters. Leave your past in the past and look forward at the good things happening! If I dwelled in my past I would be a miserable ass person! I just keep looking forward and keep looking for positive things to come. I hope this has helped. I know you feel left out but I promise you, you are not the only bride who doesn't get that wonderful experience with their mother. This wedding has caused a lot of tears for me. It's hard and lonely, i turn to WW for my questions and support. I hope you can find peace with your moms behavior.

I can somewhat relate. I was raised by my Dad so I've just never felt that Mom thing. I always hear people talk about how sometimes "you just want to tell your mom" or "you just need your Mom". I've never related to any of that. In a way I feel a little sad but at the same time I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I have tons of friends and FH and FH kids and my Dad and Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I feel really fulfilled. I agree with Abbey. Surround yourself with love and positivity. You are definitely not alone.

I can relate on a level....my mother passed away 7 years ago and was my only true family. My bio dad couldn't give two shits about me or my wedding, and my stepfather lives halfway around the world in another country so there's not much room for a relationship there. When it comes to "family" I've always felt very isolated and alone- what helps me is focusing on the future I am about to create with FH and how incredible and different we can make that over what we've both experienced as children.

My mother has mental health issues that prevents her from being really present in any daily life events, so I totally felt the void of not having that bonding time that a lot of other brides have. I couldn't talk to her about any wedding related things because she's too wrapped up in her own issues. I also can't talk to her about anything going on in my life in general. When I sent her our wedding invitation she called me and left a message saying something along the lines of "I got your invitation, hopefully I can make it". So it's hard, but not everyone has that perfect relationship, it may just seem that way because you're ultra aware of it.

Thanks for all the kind words, and thanks for sharing your stories! It's nice that we can offer support to each other. I don't expect her to change, I'm not at all surprised. I'm not letting it bring me down, I'm so so happy and excited to be marrying my FH. And his parents are wonderful and supportive and it's so great to feel like I'm a part of a family.

I can definitely relate. I've never been close with my mom (she left when I was 3). I brought my sister along dress shopping and her reaction was similar to your mom's. I felt upset and hurt, although I know she didn't have bad intentions, she just really doesn't care about weddings. Next time, I brought my brother's wife and it was totally different. She was excited and it totally changed the vibe of the day. My advice? Accept those relationships that aren't very intimate/enthusiastic, and embrace/focus on the relationships in your life that ARE (and the people that are excited to hear about your plans).

You are not alone. Weddings tend to bring out the worst in mothers and if you have a rocky relationship to begin with, it seems to just get worse. You said that your FMIL is great, I would just focus on that time you get with her and try to drown out your mom the best you can. It's nice to be able to come on here and vent and know that you're not alone. I posted a similar thread when I first got engaged too so I know how it feels!

I had to cut my dad out of my life to protect my stepchildren as he was also horribly toxic verbally abusive. As the date gets closer I miss him and cry sometimes when I hear the song I always planned to dance with him too. My stepdad (my mom divorced him a couple years ago) is barely in my life and was abusive and a bully growing up. My sisters keep asking if I am inviting him and I have no idea cause I don't want him there but I don't want the drama not having him there will cause. I am close to my mother but I understand how you feel. Also don't apologize for venting that is what this place is for. A community for support and guidance through a very stressful and emotional time.

I don't have the best relationship with my mother. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I think I remind her too much of my father. When I took her to dinner to tell her I was engaged. She said "oh I thought you were pregnant." When I showed her dresses on my iPad about 6months later. She decides to tell me about my cousin decision to have an abortion. She is full of random comments. Since being with my FH, he has encouraged me to have patience with my mom and her silly random comments. It has helped a lot. I have a better relationship with my mom because of him. Planning a wedding has given me opportunities to include my mom in things, that I didn't see happening 3 years ago. More and more, my mom is starting to come around and I finally feel she is enjoying herself around me.

OP I do believe it's natural to have these emotions during this stage in your life. I suggest reaching out, continue to include her in things. Sometimes we need to be the bigger person and take the first step. I guess what I'm trying to say is people can change, my mom has.

I can relate when it comes to my father. Feel so distant from him due to me and his wife not getting along and she has been around since I was one. He tells people he doesn't care if he comes to my wedding or walks me down the aisle. Feel really sad that my FH can't just have a great relationship like I do with his my mom. I get very irritated when people ask about it knowing the situation and yes I have reached out and told him my feelings before but he told me ohh well that's the least of his problems. Like who says that to their child. It will be okay just stay strong and focused on the big day.

I understand. My mom is a classic narcissist and makes everything about her. We've grown apart over the years and I'm sad that we don't have a closer relationship, but she just stresses me out with her mood swings, her snarky comments about everyone, and her need to be the center of attention. She came in last weekend for dress shopping and wedding stuff and we actually ended up yelling at each other and crying (anyone who knows me would be shocked at this since I rarely raise my voice and am pretty easy-going and try to please people). I've just chalked it up to early dementia (she's 70) and declining health. She's just become such a miserable, bitter person and I get so anxious being around her. I'm so lucky that I have a fantastic sister to help who is really excited. But I'm going to avoid talking about the wedding with my mom as much as possible from here on out.

I don't have a great relationship with my family. We're just not close. (I'm a bit of a loner on top of it.) During all the wedding planning, my husband, who honestly actually IS my best friend, was the one I planned with and got excited with and chose things with.

I dont feel that I missed out cause I had a blast planning.

I definitely understand how you feel and agree that wedding planning can bring out sadness in those who do not have the best relationship with their family or mothers. I have felt myself mourning the moments so many girls dream of having with their mothers or family on their wedding day. I feel guilty planning to look at wedding dresses without my mom and sister present but know it would be just as sad or moment with them their belittling my moment. I am sorry you have to feel this way too. Happiness and the joy of finding your person can simultaneously exist with the feeling of sadness and mourning from a not so ideal family relationship. Wishing you the best and that it gets better!