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Dedicated June 2021

Relationship with in-laws after the wedding

User2574599655703, on August 26, 2019 at 11:28 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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I suppose this might be the wrong forum to ask this, but I am genuinely interested to know what everyone’s relationship was like with their in-laws AFTER they got married.

Prior to engagement, there was a silent understanding that his parents and me are not each other’s “cup of tea.” We were cordial, but to their credit, they mostly left us alone. It was nice because there were maybe only 3-4 forced interactions each year.

But this wedding has increased the amount of contact we’ve had with each other. I am trying to overlook underhanded, shady things they have done during this wedding planning process. However, the planning process has also exposed dysfunctional aspects of my fiancé’s relationship with his family. I am seriously wondering if after all the hoopla, things will return to “normal.” We live in a different state and it is fantastic. It was a very functional relationship and I am eager to get back to rarely speaking to them. Is that wishful thinking?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Camila, on December 20, 2019 at 7:31 PM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 26, 2019 at 11:39 PM
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Fortunately I have an absolutely fantastic relationship with my in-laws.

Your post, however could have totally been written by my husband. My family is dysfunctional. My relationship with my family is bananas. Wedding planning brought out some deep-seated bigotry and hatred. After the wedding things did calm down and since we live a good eight hours away things are a lot more “comfortably distant.”
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Dedicated June 2021
User2574599655703 · on August 26, 2019 at 11:41 PM
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This gives me hope. They really weren’t that bad prior to engagement. But the wedding has unearthed so much baggage and unresolved issues. I want to go back to barely interacting with them.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 26, 2019 at 11:46 PM
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I’m totally not saying you need to do this but we did pre-marital counseling and navigating my family was a good three sessions. It helped me better understand how to support him during the holidays too.

I really wish you the best. It’s so hard when in-laws are hostile.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 27, 2019 at 12:41 AM
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Ours got so much better once I started living there and after we got married.i think it's because we didn't really talk much and they didn't get to know me much that I felt they didn't like me.
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Dedicated June 2021
User2574599655703 · on August 27, 2019 at 12:46 AM
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That’s awesome it improved. Unfortunately we’ve been dating for almost 7 years. His family and me are well acquainted and just do not prefer each other’s company.
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on August 27, 2019 at 10:26 AM
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I think it is entirely possible that it will not go back to the way they were if they are expecting children with this marriage.
Both our family relationships are good but strained depending on the family member. We live in a different area than our families except my brother who lives in our town and has been putting off meeting her for two years. I am not allowing my mother to even know about my wedding for fear it will give her a door into our life. My parents took some time to support us, but are really just happy I am finally with someone who is supportive of me. Her dad likes me and asks about me often, but due to dementia forgets my role in her life so it gets difficult when he questions why we're getting married.
Each family is different but you both will have to figure out what you are and are not comfortable with. Set your ground rules as a united front and stick to them.
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on August 27, 2019 at 11:56 AM
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Not much has changed since we got married. My FIL lives in France, we still message each other from time to time just like we did before. I don't really talk to my MIL much just like before. The relationship between my husband and my MIL isn't that strong so my relationship with her probably won't get much stronger. My husband and I are both still just as close with my parents as we were before. I guess the only changes are that I'm much closer with my siblings in law now
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Super November 2019
Kristin · on August 27, 2019 at 3:18 PM
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So I have been personally really lucky with this, my In-Laws are great and we've had a great relationship since the word go.
My parents, when they got married on the other had, was a totally different story. My Grandma (mom's mom) absolutely HATED my dad, like passionately. I know parents like to joke about having the car running out back if the bride wants to run but my Grandma actually did. It took some time, but my dad is actually one of her favorite people now.
There is hope that it'll get better, and if it doesn't, after the wedding, things will likely go back to only seeing them a couple times a year. It sucks to have to deal with that, but at least you will be able to live the majority of your life in peace.
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privateuser · on August 27, 2019 at 6:19 PM
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Uh well ours got worse! A lot of issues surfaced with my husband and his brother during our wedding planning. Weddings really make people feel entitled who shouldn't be but it also taught me to not take s**t from those people! Now we don't talk to his brother at all, which is actually really sad, but we've learned a relationship won't work if it's one-sided and you are the only who wants to make it work.
So I think there is hope that once your wedding passes, people will start to leave you alone again and it will go back to what it was! Good luck!
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