Relationship with Big Brother becoming strained...

I would just give it a little time for the "dust to settle." Things were said, emotions got heated. Y'all are family, and you love each other. This is just an argument...it happens. Y'all will get through it. Just give it some time, then try to have a rational conversation with him after you both have had time to gather your thoughts.

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That's the thing...I don't see this ever stopping with him, I've tried to talk to him about it and it'll get better for a few months and then he just starts back up, I don't know what to do anymore, I tried talking to our mom about it and she just made excuses for him and gave me no options on how to fix the matter. It was bad before we bought our house and moved in together, but after that my brother just got 10x worse...and after a year of a**hole remarks I'm just TIRED and I miss my "old" big brother that would call me so "watch" the hockey game together...I don't know where he went 3 years ago but I'd like him back please!

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Then you should tell him just that: "I'm just TIRED and I miss my "old" big brother that would call me to "watch" the hockey game together...I don't know where he went 3 years ago but I'd like him back please!" Maybe y'all could focus more on your relationship with each other and leave FH out of it. Sorry you are going through this, but unfortunately relationships change. I miss my big brother....we used to be so close, but he is basically a stranger now. If things don't get better, then just focus on building a family/future with your FH.

Have you had a private conversation, just the two of you, in person about this?

Tell him that you’re tired and that you’re right here, you’re not going anywhere, he won’t lose his sister. Sounds like your older brother is threatened by your fiancé bc he can see this is serious, while he was Not threatened by your ex because he was a jerk and maybe was confident you wouldn’t end up with him forever.

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We have and it'll get better for a little while and then just fall back to how he was before we talked, it's so frustrating

I understand, my relationship with my big brother is also strained. He is the one being abused in a relationship and I cannot stand his GF. I love everyone, it’s very difficult to make me hate someone at all, let alone this much.
as a result our relationship is suffering. He continues to stay with her and be abused, and expects me to just be ok with it.
He also got onto an anti-woman misogynist kick after several rough relationships, and always talks about how women are only using men for money etc.
when I divorced my ex he got worse, even tho my ex husband was the one trying to get money out of me. I am the one getting financially screwed over.
Its tk the point we only talk a few times per year instead of weekly or biweekly. He was my best friend.
Hugs I get it. Ugh 😭

UPDATE

I talked to my Dad yesterday, just trying to figure out if I was crazy or did it really seem like something it going on with my brother, since my mom always acts like there is nothing behind my concerns, and my Dad agrees that something isn't right. Told me to give myself a couple weeks to cool down...cause I am prone to having a temper and I don't want this to turn into me losing it, and calling my brother to talk to him about what has been going on, because I can't keep up like this. SO guess I'll give ya'll and update then!

Have you tried having some date nights and hanging out with your brother and FH together so your brother can develop a relationship with FH? Sounds like he just needs to get to know him.

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It's unfortunately not that easy, I've been with FH for 3 years and we've invited my brother and his family over NUMEROUS times and he always bails on us, they have 4 kids so date nights are hard because he and his GF have to find a babysitter, or they HAVE one and then call us last minute to hang out and we can't. It's not like they're strangers, they've met and talked at all of our family events and Christmas is no small event, we spend the whole weekend down at our mom's farm. It seems like he just tries to avoid hanging out with FH and I when we're all back home...like he doesn't even want to get to know him.

You mentioned that it got 10x worse after you bought a house and moved in with your FH, and his comments about being yuppe and high maintenance. Could there be acare of jealousy going on? Obviously I don't know he’s situation, but if the little sis he also thought he had to take care of is now buying a house and getting married before him that could cause emotions to come out in weird ways.

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That was one of the things our dad actually said yesterday, he thinks that my brother is jealous, he has a rent to own house that's falling apart, he recently had a take a lower paying job, and their house is PURE CHAOS. Where I work in an office, recently bought my first new car and we live in suburbia, he thinks that my brother is struggling with the fact that little sister is doing well...IDK what to do to fix that! I can't change how he thinks!

Sounds like jealousy definitely. Only time will tell

That's a shame, I pray that things get better for you. Only time will tell..all you can do is continue to be you and try not to get frustrated (easier said than done, i know because I have my own family drama going on)

View Quoted Comment Time and patience. It's totally fair to remind him in every now and then that he needs to cut the snide comments. Other than that as others have said try making time (and putting a little friendly pressure on him to do the same) for just the two of you, maybe doing think you use to do together but haven't in a while.

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Yeah he and I have argued about it before, and in the moment of my losing my cool I reminded him to think about his next words because he once didn't talk to our sister for 6 months over something she said about his GF and did he want to see how long I would go? And for almost a year after that things were good! Then we bought our house, which took me from living 5 minutes from my brother to 45 minutes and I think he blames FH for "taking me away" even though it was my decision, I was the one that fell in love with the neighborhood and the house.

I probably do need to make some time to hang out with him, I'll admit I've been almost avoiding it lately because of how our relationship has been...