Hello everyone,
I study unhealthy relationships as part of my grad school coursework, and even though I pray this isn't the case, I know that statistically speaking some of the lovely ladies and gents of WW are likely in abusive relationships. If you're worried you are or know someone who might be, I hope this helps give you the answers you need. I'm going to be using primarily heteronormative examples--since realistically, most of the people reading this are women marrying men-- but please keep in mind that abuse can happen in any relationship regardless of the genders involved. Without further ado:
They're always "just joking" and you "can't take a joke". In healthy relationships, if something your partner says or does hurts you and you tell them, they listen and stop doing it. It doesn't matter if it's a small thing or a big thing, the point is that they respect your feelings enough to not keep hurting them when you've asked them to stop.
They take credit for your achievements or downplay your accomplishments. If you've been stuck with all the wedding planning but homeboy keeps taking credit for it because sure, you and your family are paying for everything, but he picked out the best meat and booze for the reception, and you should be happy he's involved at all and it's the bride's family's job to pay for everything anyway, then you have a problem.
The only compliments they give you are either backhanded or relate to how you benefit them. A compliment is meant to make the recipient feel good, not second-guess yourself or crave their approval. "You'll look so good in that dress once you lose all that weight" is not a compliment, it's a power-play. If they compliment you on how good you are on cooking for them and doing their laundry, but hardly say a word about how smart you are, or how good you are the things you're passionate about that have nothing to do with them, it may be time to wonder why they compliment you on some things but not others.
They don't want you to spend time with your friends and family. If they don't want you to spend any time with other people in your life, it's not because they love you. It's because if you're alone, no one can tell you what he's doing is wrong. (If there are some people in your life he dislikes and he tells you that but also acknowledges you have the right to choose who you spend time with even if he doesn't approve of them, and he makes no attempt to prevent you from seeing them, that's completely different.)
They make you feel like you're crazy and can't trust your own judgment. This is called gaslighting ,
They don't respect your boundaries. If you made it clear that you consider strippers cheating, but he calls you crazy and controlling for saying you'd feel betrayed if he got a lapdance from one at his bachelor party, he is making it clear he cares more about doing whatever he wants than about respecting your feelings or the pre-existing boundaries in your relationship.
They threaten you. Whether it's physical acts of violence, or emotional distress, like how if you don't give up your job or passion, they will leave you.
They're sorry they yelled/verbally abused/hit you, but you made them so angry. We are all responsible for our own words and actions. If they blame you for theirs, they are placing all the blame on you instead of taking accountability for their behavior. An apology is not genuine if the blame is placed on the person you're apologizing to.
They hit you, even once. Love is kind and non-violent. Loving behavior never involves physical harm.
They touch you sexually when you don't want them to or can't say no. If you cannot give a yes, it is non-consensual by default. If you say yes because you feel like you can't say no, you are not consenting. If you say no but they ignore your no, you are not consenting. If you are not consenting, it is sexual assault, and it is NEVER the victim's fault.
There are other signs besides the ones listed here, but these are some of the main ones. Some are relatively "minor" in comparison with the last two, but that's not the point. The point is that no matter how subtle abuse is, it's still abuse. The goal is always the same: to make you feel powerless so that you depend on them no matter what.
If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship, and want to know what your options are, check out the links below. Whatever you choose to do or not, please remember that you are worthy of love, kindness, and respect.
Thank you.
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://mspny.org/
https://www.mediafire.com/file/g3la67enos2dux9/why-does-he-do-that.pdf/file
