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Rehearsal dinner

Karla, on October 24, 2024 at 2:09 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 2

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Hi I need some advice. My son is getting married to a wonderful girl in a few months. The family dynamics are a bit strange but I'll try to explain. My sons father and I separated when he was almost 3. His father remarried and he gained a stepmom. Stepmom never liked me and she still doesn't but my son loves her. The stepmom and dad divorced and then the stepmom remarried someone else and his dad remarried someone too. So now my son has his mom, a ex step mom , a new step mom. He has a Dad and he has his ex step mom's new husband. My son is getting married and I find out that ex stepmom and new husband are hosting the rehearsal dinner at the exstep moms new husbands parents house!! At first I thought it would all be okay, I reached out to ex step mom and suggested that I pitch in financially and that I could also bake something. She of course did not respond. So now I am feeling like maybe I should sit this one out. Ex stepmom hates my guts and I'm sure her new husband and family all have heard all her opinions of me and I am very uncomfortable going into a home full of people with pre conceived feelings of me. I do not want to hurt my son. He loves his ex stepmom and even though she is disrespectful to me, she helped raise him and loves him. How do I go about this? Do I just tell my son why I can't go or do I just go and take the disrespect I'm sure I'll have to endure. I also don't know how to approach the whole thing on wedding day. I'm sure she will be acknowledged as mother of the groom as well and get the mother son dance and be getting ready with me and bride and others. How do I keep my son happy and also keep some self respect and dignity. There is only one mother of the groom but I have to respect the wishes of my son.

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2 Comments

Latest activity by Michael, on October 24, 2024 at 5:01 PM

Just Said Yes June 2025
meg0610 · on October 24, 2024 at 3:13 PM
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Oof this is tricky! As much as I can see a desire to keep your son's wedding day drama-free, you might want to speak with him for a vibe check. If he expresses a desire to his ex-stepmom to have you at the rehearsal dinner, and she STILL refuses you can walk away from that knowing you're avoiding a messy situation and possibly plan a separate more intimate get-together after the wedding with your son and his wife to celebrate.
As for the wedding day, see if your son is open to giving you a few minutes to give a speech during dinner (or whenever they might have people say a few words). It gives you an opportunity to say how proud you are of your son and gives you the spotlight for a few minutes!
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Master October 2023
Michael · on October 24, 2024 at 5:01 PM
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You should be part of the moments your son most desires you to join. See it as a sense of duty to him. Maybe only tentatively plan on situations like spending time preparing with the bride if it may get too tense -- and maybe see what she wants and how she would want tensions resolved if they come up. The problem of course is that your son has not gotten into this mixture of parents and stepparents of his doing.
Hopefully you would not be too pressured or troubled in the main events to have to leave. Maybe your son can work out a peace agreement to have everyone on their kindest behavior.
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