Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted September 2018

Rehearsal Dinner Worries

Courtney, on July 17, 2017 at 8:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

Saved

Flag
Hide content

My FH parents are divorced and not on speaking terms, to put it lightly. Both have offered to host us a rehearsal dinner which is very kind, however not host together. It has become tough as they see each other as competition. We have suggested one hosting a brunch and one hosting the rehearsal dinner so they both have an event to host each, but they seem to be both after the rehearsal dinner.

FH and I definitely can't afford to host the rehearsal dinner as we are paying for the entire wedding without help and my parents have to pay for themselves and my siblings to fly here so they can't take on the extra cost. Any ideas on how to handle this?

Update: I also know our wedding is still over a year away I just can't handle having this conversation every weekend for a year!

Flag
Hide content

6 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on July 23, 2017 at 11:33 AM

Celia Milton · on July 17, 2017 at 8:50 AM
Flag

Hide content
Skip it. You don't need a rehearsal and you don't need to have a dinner. If they are going to act like children about this, then bail on the whole thing.

You can definitely do a RD with JUST your BP and their SO's. If his parents aren't speaking, they'll probably just be seated separately (unless he walks his mom down....) so there is no need for them to rehearse. There is actually no reason for anyone to rehearse, and it sounds like the best solution.

It's a year away. Things can change. I actually can only remember one wedding where the divorced parents were so venomous that they became an issue.... Divorces are hard,but at some point adults realize there are things that connect them forever. Like kids. Good luck!
- Reply
VIP January 1900
kimbo · on July 17, 2017 at 8:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
Whatever you do, don't have two RD's. Ugh. If I was in the BP I'd go to one and skip the other. Two is completely unnecessary. I'd move my budget around and pay myself if I was you and wanted to do a rehearsal.
- Reply
Expert May 2018
Vanessa · on July 17, 2017 at 8:53 AM
Flag

Hide content
Ha! I was JUST posting about this. Yea...this is a tough one.
- Reply
Marie Gismondi · on July 23, 2017 at 10:44 AM
Flag

Hide content
My guess is that the physical rehearsal will be on site, the day of the wedding, some time in the hour before the ceremony takes place. So many couples on Long Island skip the formal rehearsal dinner. 2 rehearsal dinners may be asking your BP to take 2 days off, to do the same thing. If you make a plan... it will be neither of their "territory" and they can either split it and share hosting... or tell them that your are just as happy to skip it. This way the ball is in their court and they have time to process and leave ego (knee jerk reaction) in the past and proceed with love for you (how they really feel)
- Reply
Master November 2016
KitandKaboodle · on July 23, 2017 at 11:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
If you decide to have a rehearsal, you will need to host a rehearsal dinner. My suggestion: tell the both of them it's not about them and to host the dinner together at the ceremony venue, or not at all.
- Reply

VIP October 2017
MDEasternShoreBride · on July 23, 2017 at 11:32 AM
Flag

Hide content
You could do a rehearsal dinner with just the bridal party first, and then open it up to a welcome reception with cocktails and appetizers for all guests after. Choose food options correctly and they could be in budget for the parents. But they would still have to agree on who hosts what.
Honestly, I would refuse both of them and just host the BP and SOs. Headache.
- Reply