Rehearsal Dinner- who gets to come? Advice!!

The rehearsal dinner is just for the people involved in rehearsing the ceremony. Usually parents attend.


Significant others are invited as well, yes. Out of town guests no.

I have some problems with the things have you have said. The first thing is that you shouldn't be hosting your own bridal shower. A bridal shower is generally hosted by the bridal party or a family member of the bride. If no one else has offered to host your bridal shower, then you should skip it as hosting your own comes across as gift grabbing. Second, you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for your rehearsal dinner. Rehearsal dinners don't need to be fancy or expensive. You don't need to have a sit down meal at a restaurant. You could have something simple at your house like pizza. There is no reason your guests should have to pay anything to attend an event you are hosting. As for the guest list for your rehearsal, you should invite the bridal party, their significant others, both sets of parents, and siblings of the bride and groom and their significant others. It is customary to invite the officiant and his or her significant other as well. Also, if you can't afford to properly host a rehearsal dinner where you don't require your guests to pay then I would recommend skipping the bachelorette and bachelor parties so that you can afford to properly host your guests. Parties are unnecessary whereas if you plan on having a rehearsal then providing a meal that your guests don't pay for is necessary as it is a way to thank your bridal party.

I would also strongly advise that you rethink having everyone pay for their own meals. The rehearsal dinner is a thank you for the wedding party for taking time out of their day, maybe even skipping work, to rehearse for your wedding. It can be as simple as buying some pizzas and beer after the rehearsal. Rehearsals themselves are also not necessary (most people can figure out how to walk in a straight line) or you could do a quick rehearsal the morning of the wedding depending on the situation. If you have a rehearsal, you need to feed the people afterwards, but it doesn't have to be a gourmet meal. If you skip the rehearsal, you can skip the dinner.

A rehearsal dinner can be as simple as pizza and sodas. In no way does anyone expect it to be fancy.

We invited immediate family, bridal party and partners. We also invited other close family members and out of town guests who were attending alone but that was a nice to have not need to have.


Like a PP mentioned, I’d be confused if I were asked to pay as a guest at the rehearsal dinner. It’s organised as a thank you for a rehearsing so bridal party members should be treated to dinner. It definitely doesn’t have to be formal or super expensive. If you aren’t having a rehearsal you don’t need to host an *event* and you just organise a dinner with whoever you want to see the night before the wedding.

The rehearsal dinner is for the bridal party, their SO's, parents, anyone involved in the rehearsal. I'd also extend it to siblings of the bride and groom.


A rehearsal dinner should be covered by the couple. It is in super bad taste to ask your bridal party to pay for bridesmaid dresses, take time out of their day for your wedding AND rehearsal AND bachelor party AND bridal shower, AND give you a bridal shower gift AND give you a wedding gift and then expect for them to pay for their own rehearsal dinner.
I'd skip the bridal shower and have a simple rehearsal dinner. Common etiquette dictates that you're not supposed to host your own bridal shower. With covid, you shouldn't be having unnecessary gatherings anyway.

We had to pay for our own rehearsal dinner so we kept it really cheap. We paid for everything except alcohol, and we forewarned everyone attending that this would be the case. We invited all bridal party members, plus our immediate families. We didn't invite any SO unless they were immediate family. I did discuss inviting SOs with the bridal party but they actually didn't want their SOs there, so that made it easy.

You really can't invite people to a "rehearsal dinner" and expect them to pay for themselves.

You only HAVE to invite the people who are attending the rehearsal. So if it's a money issue, just invite the people who are attending the rehearsal to dinner, and treat them.

OR just don't have a rehearsal at all, and then you don't need to host a rehearsal dinner. You could alternately just have an informal dinner, not call it a rehearsal dinner and not send an invitation or anything, but tell your family and friends "we'll be at x restaurant tonight if you'd like to join us!" That implies that it is casual and that you will not be treating to dinner. But like I said: if you have a rehearsal, you are obligated to feed the people who come to your rehearsal... and if you call the meal a rehearsal dinner, they are going to expect you to pay.

Im Not Sure If We’ll Be Having A Rehearsal Dinner, But If We Decide To We Will Ask Those Who Can Pay Themselves To Do So. If They Cant We Will Pay. We Are Also Paying For Everything Ourselves. I Dont Think The Couple Should HAVE To Pay For Everyones Food Just Because Its “Tradition” Or “Bad Taste” Because Honestly Its Not A Big Deal lol . Just My Opinion .

I hope you can shrug it off just as easily if your friends think you are rude, and cross you off their invitation lists in the future. " She could not be bothered to treat us like guests. Why should we invite her to our home/ party/ special occasion?". May be their way of seeing it. You do not have to have a dinner or a party at all. But if you invite someone to a party, particularly one to thank them for being in the wedding party, you don't say, oh, and bring money to feed yourself. Very basic manners, not just weddings.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Hi Veronica, unfortunately I disagree with your statement. The idea that if someone doesn’t pay for my shower I just shouldn’t have one- seems a little dramatic? I’m not looking for gifts and definitely am not the type of person to be a “gift grabber”. After my bridesmaids came up to me and said that they were struggling with funds for the bridal shower since we’re all students, I offered to take the pressure off and give them the money since I know they have school fees, textbooks and their own bills to pay. My bridal shower is just a time to get together with my loved ones and celebrate being a bride- which is what it SHOULD be. Playing games, laughing with those I love, and celebrating something in this gloomy period. I think saying “well if you guys don’t pay for it I just won’t have one” is a bit bratty to me. Just my opinion (:

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The entire purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride-to-be in gifts so your guests will definitely be under the impression that they should bring a gift. Therefore by hosting your own shower, you are asking your guests to bring you gifts. If you want to literally just celebrate with friends and family without the exception of gifts, I would go to lunch with your friends and family rather than have a shower. Or have like a movie night with your friends and do lunch with your close family rather than a shower.

View Quoted Comment A shower is a party where others give the party for a guest of honor, bride here, and every guest is expected to bring a significant size gift, a second gift in addition to the wedding gift. So yes, it is considered greedy for a bride to pay for or throw her own. You seem to confuse that with a bridal luncheon or tea ( just means light foods and desserts) , which is not specifically given for getting gifts. It is for all the things you say: socializing, games, food and drink. And a bride ( usually bride and mother, or some others) may plan and pay for that entirely, or it can be done by others. No expectation of gifts. And
D sometimes brides give this kind of social party for just her side of BP, usually without SO or spouses, at the end shortly before the wedding, to thank them. And groom does his people separately. This is a long standing alternative to the RD, in this case. In ettiquette, any situation, not just weddings, it is always seen as rude to do something to get people to give you gifts. And always nice to generously help or completely do a party to socialize, party ( but not collect gifts.)