Rehearsal dinner speeches (family drama)

Parents helping with the wedding is not mandatory if they decide to help then that's a really nice GIFT. If your fh parents can't afford or have decided against helping, that shouldn't be something you hold against them. Are your FIL'S being supportive ? Do they love and respect you and your relationship? If so then they deserve the opportunity to be able to say something at their sons rehearsal dinner.

It's traditionally the privilege of a *host* to thank his guests for coming to the dinner that he is hosting. It's also tradition that the honour of hosting the rehearsal dinner belongs to the groom's mother and her husband, as a counterpoint to the bride's mother's privilege of hosting the wedding reception itself. It's in his role as *host* that the groom's father makes his speech at the rehearsal dinner -- and your groom's father isn't hosting.

It would, however, be gracious for your fiancé's father to offer a toast to the lady who IS the hostess of the rehearsal dinner, which would be your mother. That would both recognize your mother for having stepped up into the gap when no-one else did, and also give your future Father-in-Law an opportunity to speak.

The less speeches the better. Have you MOH and BM speak and call it a day. I rarely see parents do toasts, honestly.

I would let both side give speeches if that's what they want to do- they have been involved with you or your FHs life

Thanks Aspasia, that is a great idea!

We didn't have any speeches at the RD or the wedding. I think them contrived.

I like the idea of having a kind of open forum at the rehearsal dinner. Anyone can speak and share a memory of the wedding couple. It doesn't matter what's "traditional" do whatever works for you

I don't think we had speeches at the RD.

I would never tell your future in-laws they can't make a toast or speech because they didn't pay. That's an incredibly bad way to begin your marriage and your relationship with these people.

Just so everyone understands I wouldn't tell them they can't make a speech (they were never married and don't know much about wedding, so they are expecting me to tell them what they should do). It's more whether I should let them know a head of time, this is when they have an opportunity to speak. If I say nothing and they choose to get up and speak, I won't stop them or tell them, or anyone, they can't.

Hope that makes it a little more clear.

No, no, no open forums anywhere, any time. As lovely as that sounds? People ramble, guests get bored, time goes long....trust me on this.

The only person who spoke at our RD was us! The RD is the opportunity for you and your FH to thank your families and closest friends for all their support, not only in wedding planning but to get you where you are today. We didn't write anything out but we did kind of think about what we wanted to say. I don't think its necessary for either sets of parents to speak at the RD. Actually, most people hate public speaking so they would probably prefer not to speak.

I wouldn't have any speeches personally, I think it's too much of a production. Save the speeches for the wedding. But if you do want speeches at your RD, keep them short and to a minimum.

I might skip the speech and turn it into a toast delivered by someone in the wedding party. Short, sweet, and nothing to do with disclosing who's picking up everyone's dinner tab. Besides, Celia's right -- the fewer speeches the better.

Ugh no speeches, please. Let's eat, drink and relax before the big day.