Rehearsal Dinner question

FH can have the conversation with his mom if you really want them there.

But imo they don't have to be invited if they are not in the wedding party.

As far as affording an rd, it can be as simple as beer and pizza so if you have to host it yourselves, do so, if it means having it the way you want.

Or don't have a rehearsal and you won't need a dinner.

Is there any way you can scale back on the costs of the rehearsal dinner to be able to afford paying for it yourselves? It doesn't have to be something super formal, something as simple as pizza is an option. If she has issue with them being there, not taking her money seems to be the easiest solution to have full control over who's being invited.

Otherwise, anyone in the BP should be invited, so at the very least the son that's a GM should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. If your FMIL gives push-back, you can argue that point, and say that you don't want the other two to feel left out.

I always thought the rehearsal dinner was just for the wedding party and their significant others. Am I wrong about that? Seems like the step mom's kids that aren't in the wedding should just be going to the wedding. But I could be wrong cause I'm not 100% sure who's supposed to be at the dinner

@Nonna, if you don't think it would be rude to not include them then I shouldn't have anything to worry about. You always give great advice

I'm indifferent on the step mother's children being there, I've never even met them. I just didn't want to make a big faux pas.

This is tricky since FMIL is paying. Typically in addition to the wedding party, immediate family is invited to the RD, and I would consider step-siblings to be immediate family. If FH wants them there and it's his mom footing the bill, I would let him speak with her.

Our rehearsal dinner is only for people in the wedding and their spouses/SO.

It doesn't sound like the other step-kids are in the wedding..I wouldn't invite them.

You're sweet.

I don't think the other two children would be expecting an invitation.

They shouldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner if they are not in the wedding party. (Especially if your FMIL is paying)

You don't have to invite them to the dinner if they're not in the WP. Only requirement is those people, and immediate family. Out of town family is sometimes invited so they don't have to find a meal for that night. But if they're local family, you don't need to invite them.

Pay for it yourself, so you don't need to worry about her opinion.

RDs are usually the parents and people in the wedding. Sometimes people invite their siblings. Are the other step siblings adults or children?

Are they from OOT or local? That could be the difference here. If they're from OOT, I'd go ahead and just invite them. If FMIL takes issue with it, then say you'll pay for them? FH does need to be the one to deal with it, though. You don't want it to cause any issues between you and her. If they're local then it's perfectly ok not to invite them since they're not part of the WP. They'll get it.

This always reminds me of when my sil's daughter got married. My late husband and I were invited because he was an usher. But my sil didn't let her own mother come (who was also from oot) because "she wasn't in the wedding." The poor lady asked to come and as I remember her, more than likely would have footed (is that a word?) the bill for everyone!

They are OOT and adults. I always figured step siblings should be considered immediate family but I also try to very much stay out of anything to deal with FH's relationship with his father. It goes back and forth between them getting along and FH not wanting much of anything to do with his dad. I just support FH in whatever stage he's in. I'll have FH discuss it with FMIL, maybe she'll shock me and not care about it!

To me, whether stepsiblings are immediate families really depends on relationship. If they did not grow up together, some would not consider immediate family. I think in general, OPs FH should be making the call on this. In any event, I can see tension with the mother being asked to pay for her ex's new spouses kids.

Noona, I disagree that OP is being "sweet." Its not sweet when you are asking someone else to pay.

@karen, I think you meant me and again, it's Nonna.

I said she was sweet in reference to her comment about me.

I thought the rehearsal dinner was o my for people that are actually part of the ceremony. Precessionals, recessionals, Bridal party, speakers, officials etc. Because you're "rehearsing" for the ceremony. Who stands where, what song, etc. I don't mean to be petty, but if they are not IN the wedding isn't it reasonable that they aren't "invited" to the rehearsal dinner? Please let me know if I'm wrong. I cannot even pretend that I know much about wedding traditions and whatnot.