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Savvy July 2016

Rehearsal Dinner issues with the soon to be In Laws

T, on May 21, 2016 at 11:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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I am having issues with the rehearsal dinner being held by FH father. Our wedding is on a Sunday and his father is insisting on having the rehearsal dinner late night Saturday close to 9pm. The other issue is he is refusing to send invitations and does not want me to either. FH father said he wants to pick the list. I am beyond frustrated and if it were solely up to me I would not attend. The only reason I am considering it, is because FH would feel bad. Also this is a destination wedding and the bridal party and all family will be in town by that Thursday with the exception of FFIL who will not get in until Saturday night. I have an issue with this as everyone needs to rest before the wedding. I need advice!!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by T, on May 23, 2016 at 5:48 PM

Master November 2016
Jersey · on May 21, 2016 at 11:42 PM
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Decline his offer to host the RD. And then have the RD you want.
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Savvy July 2016
T · on May 22, 2016 at 12:32 AM
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Okay, this is what I want at this point, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being rude.
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Expert July 2020
Alexandra · on May 22, 2016 at 1:18 AM
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I agree with Jersey Jen. Tell him you appreciate the offer but no thanks
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VIP September 2015
Jeleebeenz · on May 22, 2016 at 9:15 AM
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Absolutely agree - decline. NO good host inconveniences his guests for his own gain. Also, if FFIL wants to handpick the invitees, how do you know he will invite all those who must be invited vs. those he just wants to invite? Decline
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Savvy July 2016
T · on May 23, 2016 at 9:06 AM
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I have no problem declining I just hope it does not cause issues at the wedding. FFIL seems to think it's his way or the highway. He acts like he is getting married and not his son. He also tried to add additional people even though we had a set number.
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VIP June 2016
FutureMrs.G · on May 23, 2016 at 9:24 AM
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We had similar issues with FMIL. Take the RD out of your FFIL's hands and host your own; this way it's "no pay, no say" and you get to call all the shots. Decline his offer to host the RD and you'll probably have an easier time accommodating everyone instead of letting him dictate everything.
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Master October 2016
Mrs. Sasswood · on May 23, 2016 at 10:21 AM
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T, I am also experiencing RD dread... It's not easy to deal with and I completely understand the hesitance to cause any issues. At this point, my obligation is to my guests and if FMIL can't understand why having dinner 45 minutes away from hotels just because it's easier for her is wrong, then I FH and I will need to make a tough decision. I hope it all works out for you and you can be stress free the night before your wedding!
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on May 23, 2016 at 10:37 AM
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Yep, I'd politely say that you'll make RD Plans for another time. He is free to still have his get together with whatever list he has going on, and you're under no obligation to go.
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Dedicated August 2016
Emily · on May 23, 2016 at 10:40 AM
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This sounds awful. This is your wedding, not his! Does not sound worth it to let him host it. Plan the dinner you want! With the people you want!
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Master January 2016
mimitrue · on May 23, 2016 at 10:42 AM
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Why does he want to have it so late? And why is so against having invitations? How is he planning on letting everyone know the details? And he wants to pick the guest list? This is not his party. How odd... Has your FH talked to him about this?
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Savvy July 2016
T · on May 23, 2016 at 5:48 PM
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He wants to host the dinner late since it's when he will get in to town, mind you the rest of the wedding party and family would already be there. Its just him and I think its selfish.
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