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Just Said Yes June 2018

Rehearsal Dinner- how much input should the bride have, if any?

Erin, on March 14, 2018 at 5:06 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hi there! Wanted to get everyone's thoughts on the rehearsal dinner and a few other random questions that I had. My fiance's family is throwing the rehearsal dinner and have asked my opinion on a few things. Since I am not hosting, I have been a little vague on my responses, but I just saw the invitations and color scheme that they are thinking and it is not at all to my taste.. We are having the dinner at one of the most upscale restaurants in our city and the invitations and color scheme don't match the formality at all. Should I just keep my thoughts to myself since I am not hosting or is it alright to chime in as long as I am polite/ delicate about it?

Also, there have been some threads on here about if we should include my FH's parents names on the invitations. there is divorce and remarriage on his side, and we are doing a square card, so space is tight. As of now, my parents are paying for the whole thing, not to say that his parents may not offer something down the road, but I am not sure. In the rehearsal dinner invitations I saw that they had made, they had included "his parents invite you to a rehearsal dinner for blah blah.. " with no mention of mine. Does that mean I shouldn't worry about not including them on the invite since my parents were not mentioned and its not traditional to include them?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by queenbee, on March 16, 2018 at 3:45 PM

VIP June 2018
PrincessLawrence · on March 14, 2018 at 5:14 PM
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I would say something as I believe an invitation sets the tone. Also, I did the parents of on my invitations as I have divorced parents. But on the rehearsal invitations I dont think they should include there names. I think it should be "we invite you"
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on March 14, 2018 at 5:18 PM
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You can give your opinion on any subject------------ if you are asked.
If you want to make the detailed decisions, you and your FH should take over hosting and paying for the RD.
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VIP September 2017
MrsMcK · on March 14, 2018 at 5:25 PM
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Rehearsal dinners don’t need color schemes. Or invitations. But if they are hosting the RD themselves, then it’s fine they put only their names on the invites.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on March 14, 2018 at 5:42 PM
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If they are hosting the RD, it's fine for them to put their names, my ILs did. If your parents are hosting the wedding you can def have their names on your wedding invite. If you are worried about not having your FILs on it you can do what we did "Mr. And Mrs Brides Parents invite you to the wedding of Bride and Groom, son of Ms. Grooms mom and me. Grooms dad" My ILs are divorced as well.

As far as saying something about the RD invites, I'd stay out of it. Probably more drama then it's worth.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on March 14, 2018 at 5:46 PM
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*Mr. Grooms dad

God I hate how we can't edit on mobile
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Super May 2019
LaraLouM · on March 14, 2018 at 6:33 PM
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FH’s parents are throwing the rehersal
so the rehearsal invites show say “FH’s Mom and Dad Invite you to...” since your parents are paying for the wedding your wedding invites say “Your mom and Dad invite you to celebrate the marriage of your name to FH name” (not exactly that, but you get the gist). I do not think his parents name go on the invitations unless both sets of parents were splitting the financial responsibility.

If if they ask you if you like the colors you can be honest, otherwise just enjoy the excellent meal your going to have at such a nice restaurant. Honestly I would tread lightly here because it can be easy to hurt peoples feelings. The colors of the rehearsal are not important in the grand scheme of things.
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on March 14, 2018 at 6:39 PM
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I feel you because my FIL are planning the RD and I want to know what is going on. It’s hard for me but I have to take the back seat on this. Like it’s not my money. What helped me is thinking of it like this: they’re planning a dinner party for you. That’s it. Don’t think of it as tying to the wedding in any way. They just want to plan a dinner party for you two. That helped me at least
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VIP December 2018
Ashley · on March 14, 2018 at 7:51 PM
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FMIL is doing the RD has asked my input on every little step of the way and i am SO thankful- but I’m pretty much telling her that it’s totally up to her and I don’t care. I got lucky. I’ve never been one to read into invitations too much, though I guess some people do. If they’re already printed, I wouldn’t say anything and just let them be happy with what they put together. As far as wedding invitations, we didn’t get help but we’re still saying “together with their families” but I can see how your situation could cause some hurt feelings. If your parents are paying entirely for the wedding, I’d probably just put their names and not FIL’s names. But that’s tough :/
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VIP October 2018
queenbee · on March 16, 2018 at 3:45 PM
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I don’t really think the invitations for the rehearsal dinner should be a huge deal. If you’re worried that people will not know that it is an upscale restaurant and they should be dressing more formally (I am guessing!), I would spread the word to the people who are invited. Your FMIL should help with that.
As for the wedding invitations, if your parents are paying for the entire wedding I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using their names only. I think I will be doing the same on my invitations, as my parents (and FH and I) are the only ones contributing. I feel like it’s my way of acknowledging to them and our guests that we appreciate what they’ve given us. FHs parents haven’t contributed at all.
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