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Elle
Master March 2015

Rehearsal Dinner Guest list! UGH!

Elle, on November 25, 2014 at 8:08 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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I have three versions of this guest list.

The Realistic list. The one that both we and FH's parents can afford to throw. The realistic list only has Bridal party and their plus ones (most of the bridal party are married or in committed long term relationships), moms and dads, grandparents, and siblings. This list is 31 people.

The Stretching it a Little tight list. This one has everyone on the first list, plus aunts uncles, and cousins from both sides of our family. This list is 50 people.

The Best Case Senario/If we hit the lotto list. This one includes everyone on the first two lists, plus out of town guests. This list is 75 people.

I told my mom a couple times that we had to use the realistic list, because FH, FH's mother and I are paying for the rehearsal dinner. My mother sent me a message asking what time of day the rehearsal dinner was going to be, because one of our out of town guests is booking flights and hotels, and wanted to coordinate around the RD time. Cont.

16 Comments

Latest activity by Elle, on November 25, 2014 at 9:31 PM
  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    I let my mom know that we could squeeze them in (just two people). However, I asked her if all of our local aunts, uncles, and cousins would be upset that these second cousins were invited to the RD while they were not. She didn’t respond. I sent another message along just reminding her of the budget constraints. I wish we could invite half of the wedding guest to the RD but we just can’t >.<

    Thanks for letting me rant girls. Anyone else have the issue of the Rehearsal Dinner guest list?

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  • B
    Master December 2015
    BunnyLove ·
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    Not really. Our RD is a week before the wedding. We're only inviting the BP and their spouses and immediate family. We're hosting it at our home and will prepare the food. At first it was going to be the week of, but then we decided to change the date so no one had to use their vacation time to attend.

    ETA: stand firm with your mother. Let her know you have a set budget and will not go over it.

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  • GoneAndMarried
    Master August 2015
    GoneAndMarried ·
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    We are paying for our own rehearsal dinner (well and wedding) also and so ours is just bridal party members. This was at our bridal party's suggestion. I get the feeling one GM may bring his gf (he hasn't said this but his GF has shown up at everything the guys have tried to do on their own) but it's not a big deal.

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  • Robin
    VIP September 2015
    Robin ·
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    The rehearsal dinner is for the bride, groom, the parents of each, the wedding party AND out of town guests is you can afford them. Since when it is uncles, aunts, cousins, etc? It is for people that need to REHEARSE and it is NICE to include out of town guests *assuming just a handful* so they have something to do the night before the wedding IF the dinner is the night before. If it is a few days before, then wedding party and parents only. You lists sound like wedding invite lists!

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  • soontobeamrs
    VIP July 2015
    soontobeamrs ·
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    We are just having anyone in our wedding +1 and our kids. I am meeting my girlfriends from out of town after dinner at the bar next door for drinks for about two hours after our dinner.

    41 for dinner, 19 girlfriends for drinks later

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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    The RD is not a mini-wedding LOL

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  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    Our family is mostly local, so when there is a wedding GENERALLY the aunts uncles and cousins, are invited. Usually. But we wont be able to despite tradition.

    The first list (the realistic one) Is literally the HAVE to invite list. The people that need to be there because they are involved, birthed us, raised us, or grew up with us (siblings).

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    Snarky nailed it. It's you, your parents, your BP with sig others, your officiant or coordinator (who ever is running the rehearsal) and possibly the parents of any children in the BP.

    Keep it simple; having too big a rehearsal dinner, IMHO, steals thunder from the next day.

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  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    I agree. I am keeping it to the realistic list, but it would be so much easier if I could invite everyone. Lol Smiley xd

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  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
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    Did you decide on where/what food?

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  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    RIght now, we are on mexican food. Smiley smile so yes.

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  • FutureMrsMerritt
    VIP September 2015
    FutureMrsMerritt ·
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    I agree keep the list small just BP and close family/ friends

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  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    I wish we could get friends on the realistic list. Smiley xd

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  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·
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    When we had ours, DH's parents thought we had to invite everyone from OOT, and it was a big deal because more than half our guest list was from OOT, and I didn't want to either take away from the wedding the next day (or our time with our close family members) or feel overwhelmed from dealing with a huge crowd twice in one weekend.

    We narrowed it down to parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins (in the wedding), aunts and uncles (parents of the little cousins in the wedding), BP and plus ones, and that was much more doable. There are lots of reasons not to want a huge RD (we gave our BP and family gifts at the RD).

    Stand firm with your mom on this one. Explain the budget and that you're worried about how other family members will feel if you invite some and not others.

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  • KarenM
    Master November 2014
    KarenM ·
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    Do what we did. I was in the exact same boat. Our "rehearsal dinner" had 67 guests and it was so much more than awesome. It was a true extension of the wedding. We invited everyone. I rented out a separate room in a nice, albeit low key, Irish pub and provided appetizers, wings, meatballs, quesadillas, hummas platters, and shrimp cocktail. The total cost was $1500, including tax and tip. Everyone loved it and it was such a great opportunity for people to reconnect before the wedding, as well as meet others who would also be attending. It was SO MUCH FUN. Everyone loved it and had a great time. We had a cash bar. No one complained, as a matter of fact, everyone was just so happy to be a part of it.

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  • Elle
    Master March 2015
    Elle ·
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    We can't do that though. $1500 is $500 over budget.

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