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Rachel
Just Said Yes July 2022

Rehearsal Dinner Disaster

Rachel, on June 28, 2022 at 9:11 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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I’ve posted about this before but I have finally reached my wits end and have no idea what to do.
My FMIL offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Okay, great! She then proceeded to invite her whole family (50+ And all in town) we told her this isn’t what we wanted and would be pretty disrespectful to not invite my family as well which would add 50+ more (which would basically be our wedding). We told her we would just pay and get the dinner we wanted, but she instigated she wanted to pay and would follow our wishes.
We booked a restaurant that would only allow 40 people so we figured, perfect! She then proceeded to call and book a table for some of her family too. I thought, okay I can compromise, they’ll be at a table a little ways away and just having a separate dinner since we’re all staying at the place anyways. It has now come to light (two weeks before the wedding) that she added additional space to our rehearsal room for her family and is now guilt tripping us that people will be upset that she invited half the people and not the others. She even sent rehearsal dinner invites to her family instead of discreetly paying for their dinner. Everything has been so manipulative, which is strange bc she’s normally such a wonderful person.At this point I’m considering not even going to the rehearsal dinner or just pulling my bridal party and parents (only 10 out of the 50+ people invited) out of it and having sandwiches with them all back in my suite. They would be happy with that! I just feel like my wishes (and my fiancés) and my family is being so disrespected I can’t even pretend this is okay anymore. So what do I do?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Is, on July 13, 2022 at 1:31 PM
  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    Honestly? I’d do sandwiches. To heck with the shadiness that she FULL WELL knows she’s pulling. I’m sure you’d have a ton more fun too. If she’s mad, that’s a personal problem 🤷🏾‍♀️
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  • Imani
    Master July 2022
    Imani ·
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    ^ definitely agree! Do the sandwiches and be done with it. No need to attend the dinner that she’s basically having for her family. It’s pointless. How does your fiancé feel about all of this?
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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    As much as I d want to do sandwiches in this situation I probably would just let it go to keep my own sanity and prevent a lot of possible future drama. I d definitly speak to your fiance though and make sure his mom knows she's completely out of line and has upset you. Sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. Best of luck to you!

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  • Crystal
    Devoted September 2022
    Crystal ·
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    Honestly, I feel like attending the rehearsal dinner would probably upset you even more and may even put you over the edge. I’d discuss it with my fiancé and maybe have your own intimate dinner with the wedding party and immediate family only. Maybe extend the invitation which she will most likely decline since she already has her own plans, at least this way you tried to include her. And then have your own intimate moments with your loved ones. Maybe at the hotel restaurant or nearby.
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  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
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    I’ve never understood the need for a rehearsal dinner with a lot of people and always thought it should be the wedding party and immediate family. I say you and your fiancé have a talk with her and explain to her that while you appreciate the efforts, it’s very overwhelming and you would rather do something with immediate family and the wedding party. This may upset her, but she shouldn’t have went and did all of that on her own without considering your wishes. Do the sandwiches. Do whatever is going to bring you peace.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you and your FS are on the same page about her behavior when it comes to this dinner, it's time to set some boundaries. Have your FS talk to her and say something along the lines of "Since Rachel and I expressed our desires to keep our rehearsal dinner small and you're choosing to ignore our wishes after saying you'd go along with them, we will no longer be attending the dinner." And then stick to that. If she pushes boundaries about this and you acquiesce, there's no telling what boundaries she'll push once you're married.


    Then I'd do the sandwich idea with your wedding party.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Let her call it a "X family reunion" because it's neither a welcome party or rehearsal dinner. It would be gracious to stop by and say hello with your FS, but certainly not give that charade your whole night. Have sandwiches with the relevant parties involved and sleep soundly before the big day.

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  • Lauren
    Dedicated September 2022
    Lauren ·
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    Your fiances mom is his responsibility not yours. He needs to handle it and if it can’t be open to your family, it shouldn’t be open to his. I went down this road because I knew some people were coming from super far away but it’s a slippery slope until almost the entire wedding was invited. We cut it off. Bridal party and spouses only. End of discussion
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    You and FI need to get on the same page, and he/she needs to communicate this to his/her family.

    I'd do sandwiches in the suite. Let them have their family reunion on their own.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Yikes, that is a disaster... Your fiance should be the one handling this because it's his mom. I'd definitely go the sandwiches in the suite route. Let your conniving MIL have her family reunion on her own and do not participate.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Where is your fiancé in all this? Are they on your side or neutral? Mom is being a textbook narcissist with the guilt tripping. Cancel the event and order pizzas. Mom can host her own family reunion at another time
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  • I
    Beginner October 2022
    Is ·
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    I so agree. That's really uncool of her to do, and she sounds like a narcissist. Your fiance though should be the one talking to his mom, he should absolutely step up to the plate. The rehearsal dinner should really be bridal party with spouses and immediate family if needed. The whole inviting out of town guests gets slippery because in a lot of weddings, most guests are going to be out of town. So then you invite the whole wedding? You can't! So sorry you're going through this, that's so unfair to put you through that! I had a similar issue with my FMIL :/

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