Rehearsal Dinner Dilemma

I understand your dilemma and deeply sympathize, but I think inviting one set of aunt/uncles without the others isn't fair. It's not the fault of your FH's aunts and uncles that they come from a larger family. People of the same relationship should be invited- that is IF your FH/his family would like his aunts and uncles at the rehearsal dinner. If the FH and family don't care about them being there then that's ok.

The only people who need to be at the RD are the people who are rehearsing. Once you open that barn door to others? All bets are off. How these things got to be stand alone mini weddings is inexplicable.

It's nine months away. Scale it back to what it should be; a brief thank you event for those involved in the ceremony.

My Mom wanted me to invite my aunt to the rehearsal dinner "so she wouldn't be alone." I had to put my foot down and say no, because we're not inviting any non-bridal-party guests to the rehearsal dinner and I knew that would open up the door to too many others.

Once you let others fund it, the decision is no longer yours. Sorry.

Honestly, I think you can get away with it. Just don't mention it to people? FHs aunts and uncles aren't expecting an invite to the RD anyways.

It i silly to think that by not mentioning it, no one will know. Everyone from the groom's family will know that the aunts and uncles on their side were not invited when they are introduced to "Aunt --- and Uncle___" Dad's brother and his wife.

Tell your Dad you are sorry, but you have come to realize that it would be unfair to invite only the one set.

Keeping the dinner small allows you to focus your attention on the wedding party, the people you are supposed to be honoring, not hosting a family reunion.

If Dad pressures you to open it up, suggest that you can invited extended family to join you for coffee after dinner.

When in doubt...Emily Post!

"Traditionally the rehearsal dinner consists of the bride and groom, all attendants and their spouses or partners, the parents of young attendants, the couple’s close relatives, and the officiant and his or her spouse. However, in our increasingly far-flung society, with so many people traveling to attend weddings, inviting out-of-towners has become a trend. If you choose to include some and not others, do so in a clear-cut way—for instance, relatives but not friends. Alternative arrangements for out-of-town guests can include providing a list of local restaurants (a good thing to post on your wedding website anyway), setting up a meet-and-greet at a hotel or bar, or see if local friends would host a dinner, barbecue, or cocktail party."

Tell you're dad you've made your decision to do a traditional wedding rehearsal in order to be fair to everyone!

When in doubt...Emily Post!

"Traditionally the rehearsal dinner consists of the bride and groom, all attendants and their spouses or partners, the parents of young attendants, the couple’s close relatives, and the officiant and his or her spouse. However, in our increasingly far-flung society, with so many people traveling to attend weddings, inviting out-of-towners has become a trend. If you choose to include some and not others, do so in a clear-cut way—for instance, relatives but not friends. Alternative arrangements for out-of-town guests can include providing a list of local restaurants (a good thing to post on your wedding website anyway), setting up a meet-and-greet at a hotel or bar, or see if local friends would host a dinner, barbecue, or cocktail party."

Tell you're dad you've made your decision to do a traditional wedding rehearsal in order to be fair to everyone!

Ask FH or his parents how they feel. His relatives are the ones who may be offended if they find out later that your extended family was invited but theirs wasn't.

@Julie Love the Emily Post reference, perhaps I can use this to explain things to my dad (who is turning into a bit of a FOBzilla)

Thanks guys! This has given me more to think about. I do see the need to treat all families the same, but don’t want to disappoint my parents. I am going to have a conversation with FMIL to get her opinion, also as you all helpfully pointed out, I have lots of time (but it doesn’t feel that way). Thanks for the advice!