Rehearsal Dinner Concerns

It's great you expressed your feelings & they made it work. Unfortunately, some people don't realize how important weddings or wedding related events are so they put it behind less important things. The best part is to move on and not focus on it. You can't control what happens the day of, and it's their loss if they want to change their relationship with their son in a negative way.

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Thanks, I'm glad FH made the call for sure, but I'm very frustrated with the attitude about this from FH. I'm a Type A and have worked hard throughout all of wedding planning to realize what I can and cannot control and people are definitely one of them! I just wish that I could help avoid hurt for FH :/

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Hey there! I'm so sorry that you and FH are going through this. It's totally understandable that he may be worried about his father not attending, but unfortunately, you will just have to take his word for it. It's great that your FH spoke up and let his father know how much it would mean to him for his father to attend the rehearsal dinner.

All you can do now is hope that he does attend, and keep your FH distracted if he doesn't make it.

I would hope FFIL would at least make it to the wedding. But as much as FI wants has dad also at rehearsal dinner, you cannot make someone come to a party and enjoy it. The idea of two things he does not want, RD and wedding, may feel overwhelming to him. You may need to accept him going to the game with the other son, and showing up for the single biggest priority thing. FI thinks the RD more important. But if FMIL would prefer to stand by his other son and go to the game, and other son wants him there, it is not FH decision to make. Push the FFIL, he may agree in order to get FH off his back. And then not come. At some point you have to accept that he declined, he made it clear, and no one likes being Bullied, including FFIL. You tried. Now, let him be. Pushing more may cause a blow-up that would result in him not going to the wedding either. Not what you want.

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I try really hard to be reasonable about stuff with the wedding and while i do understand my limitations in what i can control and what i can't, i find it absolutely appalling that a father would not come to his son's rehearsal dinner (he offered to host) or his son's wedding. It's appalling to me and I don't really care if he doesn't want to do it. He's an adult. That's ridiculous, it's his son, it's two events that will never happen again. FH's brother does not want him at the game with him. FH's brother is upset and does not want to go to game at all. This is FFIL trying to use an excuse and not go and that's horrid. This is not bullying (I think that's a ridiculous comment to make). I can't think of any situation where a son says I'm upset you don't want to be there for me to a father as being a bullying situation. I certainly don't want to wreck any relationship with my in laws, but i absolutely will never see this as acceptable and it's not unreasonable to feel this way, regardless of what i have to tolerate. Nor is expecting a father to be there for his son a bullying situation.