Rehearsal Dinner advice

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They are definitely the problem. It is extremely self-centered of them to demand more from you.

View Quoted Comment You talk what her Dad is paying, what you are paying. But what have the couple, the ones getting married here, planned on paying. It is nice you are offering to help. But that is all it should be. Some help. They are responsible for paying for their wedding. And any amount you give should be appreciated. It has been decades since most parents planned to cover most expenses. More than half of couples have the wedding they themselves can pay for. The rest mostly have up to half from aren't, but rarely the whole thing. 250 is a huge number of people. And why so many at a rehearsal dinner? Son and FDIL need an attitude adjustment. Let them know that their spoiled "not speaking to you" behavior is not acceptable. And you are going into "not paying for anything at all" behavior , if it does not stop immediately. And if they are not happy with what you have offered, they have the option of paying it all themselves.
You say you are trying to do usual groom side things. Well, whoever hosts the RD must accept the responsibility for all actual members of the WP, and those in a committed relationship or with a spouse , must have that person too. And the bride's parents. Those are a minimum. But beyond that, it is up to the hostess, not the couple, to decide the budget, and the total number of guests. Or else the couple can host it themselves. They seem to have forgotten that part of whether is traditional. They can have that many guests, at Kentucky Fried chicken. Or cut to fewer guests and have a nicer menu and venue. But they cannot expect you or anyone else to be a hostess for a RD without control of the numbers, and the final budget. On the bar, set a dollar amount you will pay. They pay everything more, and tax and tips. Don't compromise when they are completely, without question, wrong. How awful for you.

View Quoted Comment Judith


And you are going into "not paying for anything at all" behavior , 😂😂😂. Love it

My son is out of school and has a job. He’s is paying for honeymoon, rings, officiant and if there was a bachelor party. FDIL is a senior in college so her parents are paying her portion.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. They have a right to feel upset or disappointed but to get angry and take it out on you is unfair and certainly unappreciative. It sounds like they could be losing sight of things. I would have a heart-to-heart and lay the cards on the table. If that's not enough then I personally would not help. I would suggest they mature a bit before getting married.

View Quoted Comment Then their budget is set by what he has available from earnings, what you have offered, and what her parents put in. Let them use their college education to figure out how to stay in that budget, by choosing a number of guests it will cover, including taxes and tips. And when they can only do RD at Taco Bell, they will cut the guest list.
Or they can both work a year, try to save $10, each ( what they expect you to do) and have a more generous budget. And not get married for a year. Do they have a clue how hard most people of modest means find it to come up with a spare $10,000? Why is it you should sacrifice to do that, and them not?

Save $10K each.

View Quoted Comment Judith - thank you for reply. No. Well my son might but these entitled kids today just can’t grasp how it took a year to save that. They’ve been told the budget, they are smart and will have to figure it out. But I’m sad because I’m the enemy and our relationship is fractured

View Quoted Comment That is the hard part. And I am sorry. Hard to be treated like they don't want to deal with you unless you are a non-stop ATM.