I think I am having a hormonal moment and sadly moments like these just make me want to cry. Don't want to bother my friends or FH with my thoughts so why not let it out here.
My FH cannot help his social anxiety and he even hates that he has it but it also makes finding a local/affordable venue. Tampa Bay's idea of elopement is run to the beach. No historic venues or amazing botanical gardens that offer a good value at sunset and he does not want to travel outside of Tampa Bay. Also, because he hates eyes on him it is hard to find any public place including the beach that would be private. I am considering an Air BNB but not fullying loving the idea of a backyard wedding. Most wedding venues start in the thousands and are meant for ceremonies and receptions. Would much rather elope abroad to a place that has something that makes it stand out but he does not see the purpose of spending so much on one day even if I foot the bill which I so would to have something close to what I have dreamed of.
While venue searching via instagram I see all these beautiful brides and now I regret the dress I bought and the veil and from the weight gain from the holidays I feel ugly and do not even feel like I will look good the day of.
Worse part was seeing a mom crying seeing her daughter on her wedding day and I won't have my om to share that or any moment. Most times I am fine planning and then others I miss that she isn't here. I even feel guilty that I couldn't get married when she was alive as I know she always wanted to see that.
Maybe this is just normal wedding emotions but I am not even feeling like doing this and that it is a waste and what is the point. I feel that even in elopement I cannot fully have the day I have dreamed of and no matter what I do it won't be satisfying. I know logically what matters is just me marrying the man I love and no matter where or how we do it it does not matter but it is also hard at the same time. Anyone else every feel a ton of frustration while planning?
