regret eloping

Maybe instead of calling it eloping, call it a destination wedding. Invite parents and siblings to come and leave it at that. Go somewhere nice and relaxing. Then he gets a wedding and you get something much more simple.

There was someone here, I can't remember who, that posted her BAM this week. She eloped and it was gorgeous. Probably one of my favorite BAMs.

Unfortunately it sounds like he will regret it. I would go with Crystal's advice.

@lucy, I saw her BAM too, and it was gorgeous. @crystals we couldn't invite the mothers, well we could, they just wouldn't be able to travel for a destination wedding, as both are sickly. I have tried and tried telling him, I have even stopped really planning, and I secretly contacted the venue to see what the deadline would be to get a refund.

My sister eloped for her second marriage (his first) and she said it was the best idea she's ever had. They went to New Hampshire (where they were engaged) and got married on a snowy day in February. She hired a photographer and stayed at a B&B. Wedding and honeymoon all in one. The pictures are gorgeous. Don't rule it out!

Why would you regret it? Plan a small, sweet, elegant wedding with your immediate family and a few close friends, wear a dress and a tux, get a bouquet and a bout and have a wonderful time.

We do at least three of this kind of ceremony every week, but sometimes calling it an 'elopement' doesn't feel special enough; it feels like two people on a Vespa.

If you're in NJ, I can totally point you to some great places, but wherever you are, I'm sure there is a gorgeous little venue that would love to have you and 20 of your closest friends.

I think there are more brides on here that regret NOT eloping, whether it be because of cost, stress, IL drama...

So you already have a contract with a venue and have started planning? What other aspects have you planned? You really do need to reach a compromise with your FH.

If you don't see a way to elope and make him happy, find out what will make him happy. How is he with a tiny, family wedding. I got married at a little place. It's really a campground but they have a bar/restaurant. We had the whole place for the day. We had 30 people. I picked the food and they did everything else, which was minimal. I didn't want a big thing. I was happy with what we had. You can hire a planner. Tell her the only things you care about and tell her the budget. Let her do the work. Have a wedding picnic or BBQ. Do you have a special place you two go or a hobby? Get married there and incorporate your hobby somehow.

There are millions of ways to put something super simple together. It's getting him to the same chapter of the book you are on.

I've seen a lot of places like B&Bs that do "elopement" packages which are truly just tiny weddings. He'd get his wedding; you'd get your elopement. Keep it tiny and simple. You could plan something like that in under a month if you really wanted to.

When my husband and I got engaged, I encouraged elopement or a small Vegas wedding with just us because of our ages. He was late 50s and I am late 40s; neither of us has ever been married and we don't have kids.

I thought a whole "wedding" would be weird and people would laugh. My husband was like "NO WAY - we need a wedding." I got on board after discussing the topic with friends/family members. They were all like "Totally have a wedding! Don't miss out on that!"

We did and I'm happy we did. If you are at all on the fence, consider it, especially if one or both of you hasn't been married before and you can afford it.

The only caveat I would have is for people who have had multiple marriages -- if you are both on #3, then maybe go a bit more low key to spare the friends/family from the obligatory gifts and expenses.

I was actually just having a conversation with my co-worker who eloped for her 2nd marriage and said that she LOVED it. She said that it was the best decision for them and that she wishes she didn't have such a big wedding the 1st go round. However, they both agreed that they wanted to elope. Maybe you should compromise and have a small wedding?

We are inviting 40 guests (you could always do less) and we selected an all inclusive venue. They do they catering, decorations, cake, the whole 9. All I need is a DJ & Photographer and they can set that up as well. Good luck.

The beautiful elopement was @melissa's , i kind of wish that i had done something great like this. she still had a wedding dress. and having just immediate family and a few friends would be so nice.

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/bam-just-the-two-of-us-elopement-pic-heavy/78b1d210fe5e876d.html

If I could get a refund from the venue I would do it in a heartbeat!!!

Does he give an explanation as to why he wants a wedding rather than an elopement?

If the thing you don't like about having a wedding is the planning, I would make your FH do it. Then he would see how stressful it is and he might be willing to do something much smaller/elope.

You could always do a small DW ceremony and then a bigger reception after. We have a wedding package that has a ceremony, hour reception, and everything included and then we're going on our honeymoon. When we get back home we'll do a bigger reception.

Compromise.

Also keep in mind, all these opinions are slightly skewed-- people are much more likely to regret what they *didn't* do cause they can make that option perfect in their imaginations, whereas, whichever path they did take is a fact. And I second Nicole-- compromise is a key to a happy marriage, and this is the time to start practicing.

@athenakay FH wants to share our love for each other with his family, and friends. We were childhood sweethearts, it's actually quite mushy. His family didn't like his first wife, but all attended their wedding, it was a big beach wedding. He wanted to do the big wedding with us, but I said no, we agreed to a guest count of 50 or less, I have been against a wedding from the get go. I have planned everything by myself so far, but that's because we lived 517 miles apart, he's in the military. I recently moved in with him, and we have not once discussed our wedding, we discussed being married, and the benefits (romantic huh). I just want to throw a temper tantrum to get my way, but that's not who I am. I feel like i'm whining to you guys, but the input is helping. My DOC was supposed to have a table setup for me to approve before I moved, and that didn't happen, so now everything has to be done through e-mail and phone. I'm so over it.