Registry: Honeymoon Fund or Traditional

She's correct, lots of people do find honeymoon funds to be tacky. You could always register for any replacements or upgrades that you need like linens, extra towels, a better vacuum, etc.

Older guests may find it tacky, but I really don’t care. I think it would be a waste of money for them to buy us things we don’t need. My FSIL did a Honeyfund for her wedding two years ago and I thought it was a great idea. I set up a honeymoon fund through Zola and that’s all I’m doing. Guests can contribute if they wish and if not... whatever. I’m sure some of them will just bring a card with cash or check to the wedding. That’s what happened with FSIL’s.

Definitely do the honeymoon registry if you want and maybe even a small registry with new towels or linens or even a Kitchen Aid mixer if you’re worried about guests that will think the moon registry is tacky. I think they can just get over it, but whatever. Lol 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah I've heard some find it tacky but I did it anyway ahah. Some of my co-workers were kind of finding it odd because they were very unsure of how much to contribute so I decided to itemize some of it. And let me tell ya people are much more willing to contribute when they know what it's for. So for example I put stuff like $50 to go on a zipline adventure. They know what it's for and how much it is.

You can do both to let guests choose. We did Honeyfund and small registries at Macy’s & BBB.

That's totally how I feel! I don't want guests to waste money on items we probably won't end up using! We both work a lot and never get to go on vacation so that's genuinely what we need! We registered with traveler's joy which tells guests where we are going and what their gift is going towards and it even includes different price points (scuba diving to champagne toast). I just really don't want to offend anyone.

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Oh yeah... I meant to mention this in my response. Definitely itemize things and set specific amounts. It’s soooo easy to do on Zola. We also put a Zipline adventure on ours! We are just staying in a cabin in Asheville, so I also put a Tour of Biltmore Estate on ours. I’ll try to post some screenshots below to give you some ideas.

I also added actual pictures from the cabin, Biltmore Estate, a restaurant we’d like to eat at in Asheville, and from an actual Zipline website in Asheville just to give it a personal touch. Definitely include the “contribute any amount” at the bottom for custom amounts. I think itemizing it instead of just doing a cash fund will help your guests feel its less tacky and they’ll be able to see where their money is going. It will feel more personal that way. 😄

That is so helpful!! Thank you!! I think we will do a tiny registry at Target for older guests and then a majority on either Zola or Traveler's Joy. How easy was it to get the funds from Zola? That's also stressing me out. And your honeymoon looks adorable!

Some people find honeymoon funds deceiving because they aren’t actually purchasing you experiences. It’s definitely a know your crowd thing. If anyone is hosting a shower for you then you’ll need to have a physical registry.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I’m not actually sure how easy it is yet, because the wedding isn’t until October and I haven’t sent out invitations, so no one knows about the registry yet. But, I hear it’s super easy with Zola. You just link your bank account to the website and when someone sends you a gift, you just transfer the funds to your personal bank account. There is a fee of course, but it is the cheapest out of any honeymoon fund website that I’ve seen so far. You can opt to have your guests pay the fee or you can opt to have it come out of the amount they contribute. For example, if they gift you $100, then the fee is $2.50. We opted to eat the fee, so we’d get $97.50 instead of $100. All honeymoon registries have a fee, so this is completely normal.

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That's not too bad! I assumed there were fees associated but that is super helpful!

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I disagree with this. My MOH and bridesmaids are hosting me a bridal shower and I'm not doing a physical registry for that either. They're choosing a theme for gifts. I told them to surprise me! It can be anything from lingerie, to art supplies, to a "stock the bar" type of thing. I don't care. I am standing by the fact that I don't want my guests wasting their money on pots and pans when I already have them. You're right though... it's definitely a know your crowd thing. I am very fortunate to have a mostly laid back group of friends and family that would never be offended by a honeymoon registry. It's 2019 and they all know that FH and I already live together.

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I am happy I could help! I hope everything works out for you and best wishes for your big day!

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Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day as well!

View Quoted Comment Yes you’re right a stock the bar or recipe shower or something like that is another alternative! But a honeymoon fund only for the shower wouldn’t be appropriate. I personally am not offended by honeymoon funds either but someone commented on a post here once completely flabbergasted that they weren’t actually purchasing the experiences for the guest, and vowed to never contribute to a honeymoon fund again. I prefer give cash or a check in a card but to each their own.

The only observation I'd add to all of the above is that part of "knowing your crowd" is understanding that in some circles those who are most likely to give gifts of the largest financial value may well be older, more "traditional" guests. That was certainly the case with daughter's wedding. They had a traditional registry that was linked to their website (most of which was purchased for the shower) and other than that, said nothing about gifts. Many of their peer-group friends (mid-20's) bought relatively inexpensive things off their registry as wedding gifts and nearly all of the "older guests" gave them very generous checks. Added together, they received a very substantial amount of cash which they were able to spend on whatever they wanted (they added most of it to their savings toward their first home). No one paid a fee and there wasn't a chance to "offend" anyone who would find a Honeyfund unappealing. If you FMIL is voicing concerns about how a Honeyfund might be perceived, I'd listen to her concerns. There may be a way to get what you ultimately want without the risk of offending people. (Also, many guests will not "purchase" their gift whether it's a physical gift or a honeyfund contribution or writing a check, until right around the time of the wedding, so unless the honeymoon will be delayed by a period of time the couple won't have access to funds and/or know what they may receive until the wedding day -- or even later, as some people send gifts afterward.) Yes, it's 2019 and you can do whatever you want and too bad for people who will be offended, but realize that those may be the very people who are likely to give you larger financial gifts. Maybe you don't want to risk offending them.

Some more backstory to this: we recently had a devastating fire where we lost everything in our home and we are rebuilding it. Everything in the house is under insurance therefore literally every item in our house will be brand new when we get married. That is the other factor as to why we genuinely do not need household items

It's a know your crowd thing, but you could do both. For my husband and I, we were excited to register for new stuff! We owned a home together and had all of the essentials too, but I was elated at the thought of a newer, more expensive and better working vaccum! New towels, so soft and fluffy! Oh, and TONS of hosting kitchen essentials! We love having holidays at our house!

Point is, regardless if you already live together or not, there is usually always something that can be upgraded to something newer and nicer, better quality, longer lasting, etc. Doing both gives more traditional guests the option to still buy you a gift (remember, with no registry with gifts you really shouldn't have a shower) and less traditional guests the option of gifting your honeyfund so they don't have to bring anything to the wedding.

We are doing a honeyfund as well! My mom said that people might want to prefer a traditional gift, so it wouldn't hurt to give the option so you can still get something you want... but we are in the same boat and don't need anything.

If you only want cash, just don't register at all and people will mostly give cash! It depends on your crowd. Some think it's tacky & some don't mind.