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Savvy December 2020

Refusing a gift from someone who insists on giving one but won't be invited to wedding

Jessica, on December 30, 2019 at 12:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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Hi Ladies,

I have this girl who used to come to church and was always a Negative Nelly. Being that I'm a leader in our church she would come to me with all her issues and I would try to hear her out and advise her to see things in a more positive manner and not always be offended by EVERYTHING.
My fiance is not very fond of her as she ignores him and does not even say hello to him when she used to come up to us after service to chat me up some more back when she used to come to church. Therefore we are not inviting her to our wedding.
The problem is she has asked for my address to send us a gift and has said oh and keep me posted on the wedding even after we haven't spoken for months if not longer, she no longer comes to our church, and she is not going to be invited to the wedding. The first time she asked for my address she saidnshe wanted it to send us a card so I gave it to her telling her thank you but it wasn't necessary oh and we never got a card which we thought grest we are in the clear!! Lol NOPE... Now she's asking me for my address AGAIN I've already told her thanks but you really don't have to send us a gift. How do I let her down nicely?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on December 31, 2019 at 8:44 AM

Devoted April 2020
Sabrina · on December 30, 2019 at 12:21 PM
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Can you have her send whatever it is to the church instead?
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Savvy December 2020
Jessica · on December 30, 2019 at 12:29 PM
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Don't think so. My fiance had a conversation with our pastor who mentioned he was having some communication issues with an individual that although he didn't say who fit her MO to the dot! She's also asked for me to pick it up at her job? Obviously I'm not going to as I honestly don't want to be sucked into any drama. Have enough on my plate trying to plan a wedding. Lol
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on December 30, 2019 at 2:24 PM
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It might sound kind of mean, but I would honestly just not reply... (that is so bad, I know, but that is what I would do)
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on December 30, 2019 at 2:37 PM
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Did you move? I'm unsure why she would be asking for it again unless she is trying to initate a conversation.
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Expert February 2020
Tanyia · on December 30, 2019 at 3:02 PM
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Receiving a gift is not an obligation to send an invite. If she wants to send a gift - cool. Hold it to the side (if it makes you feel better) until after the wedding. If she comments about gift/not being invited, reiterate the above, and send.it.BACK. LOL
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on December 31, 2019 at 8:16 AM
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Not sure what the issue is other than you feeling like you are obligated to invite her if she sends you a gift. We had a lot of gifts sent to use from our registry from people not invited. Some people just like to send wedding gifts. You don't have to mail her an invitation, just a simple thank you card and be appreciative.
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 31, 2019 at 8:44 AM
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We received more than 40 wedding gifts from people not invited to the wedding, who just wanted to wish us happiness, and give us something to get a start for our home . And one shower was entirely of people not invited, people from my hometown, who limited their gifts to $5 per person, or something from their farms. So it took 3 together for pounds of pistachio nuts, and lots of honey and maple syrup and cooking spices ( we cook and entertain a lot.)
People not invited , except far away relatives, usually give small things. And it is absolutely rude to turn away such a gift. Be kind and gracious to others. There is value in giving things to those you like and respect, for the giver, not just the recipient. As someone active in church things, you should know about the spirit of giving. You need not give someone an invitation because they give you a gift, that has never been true .
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