Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Vy
Savvy February 2019

Red Envelopes Over Registries

Vy, on September 15, 2018 at 4:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 2 18
Saved
Reply

Hi Everyone,

Still have about 5-6 more months until the big day and some are asking about a registry but when I say I am not having one I have some friends that are confused about it. It's traditional in Vietnamese/most Asian cultures that we gift newly weds with a red envelope or just give cash to weddings. This is what I am used to as a guest as well. I never really thought into registries either because A.) I don't need anything really and B.) I live with my FH for the past year. So now that I decided not to have one, should I just leave out all information about it or do I add a little note in my website? A cousin of his had a little note or poem simply stating that basically they had everything they did and the presence of their guests would be enough but if they felt inclined anything going towards their new life and supporting their little family would be appreciated. I didn't get offended or put off by this at all and thought it was rather creative way to let guests know that money is more appreciated. To us, monetary gifts are more respectful, traditional, wishes good luck to the newly weds. I know American traditions have said this was tacky but because of my culture this is perfectly fine and is preferred. To get some of my guests to understand this in a more subtle and respectful way, I thought of doing the same thing. I ran by this article and found it helpful: Money for Wedding Li Xi

I would leave out the red envelope in the wedding invitation part probably. It does seem a bit "too-in-your-face" for my taste.

But I liked the poem:


We have toasters and bins

We have all the other things

We have TV and DVDs

We have many old CDs

We hope to have your precious company

To witness the start of our matrimony

The joys of you joining us

To celebrate our wedding day

The two different cultures united together

The two of us never to be without each other

But shall you decide to attend with a gift

May we ask your token towards our honeymoon trip

The trip of our beginning

The start to our forever

May the Lai See that we have given

Be your part in the Chinese tradition

Your greatly appreciated gift

Of any amount you wish

In this red packet sealed

Is to bring us many years of joy, happiness and health

May we sincerely thank you all for being our dearest family and friend

But most of all…

The greatest present indeed is your precious presence

Our day will not be the same without your essence

Love

Carms & Paul (to be replaced by Vy and Andrew)

** of course I'll change around the wordings a bit

So, honest opinions, should I put a similar poem up under my "gifts" section of the website or just completely leave it out and let guests assume? How would you react if you saw this poem? Half are family and the other half are friends (more used to registries).

18 Comments

Latest activity by ThatGirl, on September 17, 2018 at 12:06 PM
  • Ingrid
    Super September 2018
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you leave out registry information then I think people know to bring cash gifts! And if anyone asks questsuoks about it, just say it’s part of your culture.
    I studied chinese for 2 years and all of my chinese friends were shocked that I made a registry asking for gifts 😂 They all said the same as you — that they would expect money in red packets!
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated October 2018
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I think its a great idea! Really....it saves the guest searching for that perfect gift. Since its part of your culture I see nothing wrong. Yes, I would post it in both.
    • Reply
  • augbride
    Super August 2018
    augbride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would not include the poem. If it is your culture to give money, then your family already knows that. If your friends don’t know this, it’s still not appropriate to blatantly ask for money. By not registering they will probably get the hint.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    No poem needed! Yes, it is traditional to give money for weddings, but not to ASK for it. Just dont register and people will give you money, no matter their cultural background.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Nooo, poems are very off putting. Just don’t mention it. If people are asking you for registry information, just say what you said here “we’ve lived together for a bit and have everything we need, so we didn’t do a registry”
    • Reply
  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I wouldn't bother with the poem, most people gift cash without a registry anyway, it's already standard practice. The poem is definitely not subtle or necessary and it isn't adding anything since it's quite generic rather than getting into the specifics of your cultural practices.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. And a lot of people who read a poem like the one above see it as bragging about all the things you have. Which many Americans find offensive. So since they, not your Vietnamese friends and family, are the people you want to reach, do not do the poem. Whether or not you have a registry, some people will always give gifts, never money. But others, seeing you have no registry or a small one, will ask you or your families, what do they want. And if you tell them ( family) to say, we are saving for .... A house, to make home improvements, to get furniture that belongs to you as a couple... They will most often give a check toward that as a gift. Maybe you do not have complete luggage for the new airline bag sizes. If you are thinking of going to another country or a region of this one, and a small guide book you can carry with you would be helpful, so you do not depend on what may be come and go internet services, that is something you could mention, or register for. If you Live where everything has WI FI, you may be surprised if you travel to places like where I live, where half of the town has none except cable, because mountains blick it, and there is only occasional cell phone service. And the only internet WI- FI that is free is in a 9-5 town library. So there may be honeymoon related things you can register for. If you have cell phones where you can buy additional batteries, like mine, it is great to have an extra one charged when you are traveling. So maybe think of some such things to register for. Gifts for those who will never give money.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Expert August 2019
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don’t think you need the poem. When I have friends who don’t post a registry, I asked them personally if there was anything I could get them. They would then tell me they don’t need anything. So I would give to their Honey fund or bring a red envelope for my Chinese friends.
    • Reply
  • Tiff Rusnak
    Expert June 2018
    Tiff Rusnak ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Don't do the poem!
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Just don't register and don't mention it to your guests, in your invitations, or on your website. Your guests know that cash is a good gift without a cutesy poem asking them to give you money.

    • Reply
  • April
    Super November 2018
    April ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would put the poem or similar on your website. My family is Sicilian and it is Italian tradition to give cash to the bride, typically in exchange for a dance at the wedding. I know so many think that asking for cash is considered rude but if it is related to your cultures tradition... do it.
    • Reply
  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    We didn’t do a website but in our invites we sent a super short poem saying the same thing. The poem above seemed a little long for me when there are more efficient ways to say it. We asked a few people for thoughts before we sent that but it worked for us.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Are you expecting a lot of guests that aren’t familiar with this custom? If it’s half the guests (like your fiancé’s whole family or something) then maybe put something on your wedding website. I don’t personally find the poems rude, just a little over to top. Like other people said, don’t register and when people ask I would explain the culture and custom if they aren’t familiar. If you really want the poem, maybe shorten to part talk about the custom of red envelopes only, which is what’s important to you.
    • Reply
  • Christine
    Expert September 2018
    Christine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    No poem. Guest shl know to just bring cash
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2018
    M ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    The poem seems too long. And I cringed at the portion for give us money for the honeymoon. I think you could add a link to the article explaining your tradition. I think your guests would want to support that and come with red envelopes in hand.
    • Reply
  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Poems make rude requests worse. Just continue with your plan to not register. People worldwide know that monetary gifts are appreciated, there's no reason to point it out to your guests.
    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted October 2018
    Emma ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Okay, this is the way it works where I come from on the East coast. Everyone gives cash BUT it is considered very rude to ask for cash instead of gifts. A gift is just that , a gift, and should be accepted with thanks, whether material or monetary.

    • Reply
  • ThatGirl
    Super January 2019
    ThatGirl ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I wouldn't include the poem - I get that some people think it's "cute" but it's really just asking for money, which is generally considered bad form. On the other hand, because of the cultural difference I would think it would be totally fine to, on your website, in place of listing registry information, to include information about your culture's tradition about the red envelop. Maybe even include a link to somewhere on the internet that talks about the history of the tradition... If your shower host really wants to include "registry" info on the invites tell her to route people to your site for registry info and then people will see that info about the red envelops.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

8 Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore
Lifestyle 8 Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore Red flags in a relationship aren't always obvious. Here, experts share signs...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics