MrsD
Legend July 2019

Recognizing my parent's contribution to our wedding?

MrsD, on February 18, 2019 at 5:53 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 38
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I'm trying to figure out a way to clearly mention my parent's very large (about 80% my father, and 20% my stepfather and mother) contribution to our wedding. They are paying for literally the entire thing, and some of our honeymoon. My fiance's father is hosting our rehearsal dinner (very affordable), and his mother isn't contributing at all (she can't financially).

I just want to make sure my parents feel recognized & thanked for this. I was thinking of putting on the front of the ceremony program "thank you to the bride's parents for hosting our dream wedding" and then mentioning them in the thank you speech the most.

Any other ideas of how I can honor them for this huge gift they have given us? Our invites said "Together with their families" so we aren't putting it there.

38 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on August 27, 2019 at 2:21 PM
  • Nicole
    Devoted January 2019
    Nicole ·
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    I think that you could maybe say thank you in a speech but I feel like putting it on the program would be a slap in the face to your future in laws. I understand they may not have given as much as your parents but at least they did what they could and deserve as much thanks as anyone else.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I think it's pretty common to mention the people hosting the event, so I'm not sure it would be a slap in the face. Plenty of people mention the people hosting an event whether it's a wedding or party of any kind? I also don't believe anyone deserves the thanks my parents do in our situation, and my fiance feels the same way.

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  • Nicole
    Devoted January 2019
    Nicole ·
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    Yes, Very common in a speech... nothing wrong with that because I’m sure you would mention his parents as well. But to place it on front of your programs without a mention of his family contributions is kinda hurtful. Just my thoughts
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  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
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    We did the traditional wording on the invites to recognize my parents, which I realize isn’t an option for you. On our programs we thanked both families for their love and support because it didn’t feel right to only mention my family. But in our speech we thanked them for hosting the event and that sufficed to us. Something about putting it on the program doesn’t feel right to me, I wouldn’t want my in laws to feel “called out” or “less than” because they don’t have as much money. I KNOW thats not your intention but I could see that interpretation. I think it also depends on your crowd, there is a very large and well known financial gap between my family and my husbands and it caused tension during planning, so drawing attention to that in anyway would have been very uncomfortable.
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  • Swtnss238
    VIP May 2019
    Swtnss238 ·
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    Agree 100%. His mother and father shouldn't be made to feel less than because their financial situation is different than your parents. Absolutely acknowledge ur parents in a speech, special gifts and thank u cards.
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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    I think it’d be fine putting it on the programs, but you should also make sure to equally thank your FFIL for hosting the rehearsal that night. Idk why anyone would get hurt that you are giving thanks where thanks is due. There’s nothing wrong with your future in laws not being able to contribute financially to the actual wedding, but there’s no reason they should have a problem with you thanking your parents. Also traditionally the brides parents pay for the wedding and the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. So I think your ideas are great!
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  • Nicole
    Devoted January 2019
    Nicole ·
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    This I understand and agree with!
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Yeah thank you for the opinion and I'll take it under consideration! Maybe I'll work it to thank my parents for hosting our wedding and thanking his for their emotional support or something.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I wouldn't want it to come off that way! I'm thinking we will thank both on the program but thank my parents specifically for hosting. His father is choosing to not give us any money when he has basically supported all 4 other adult siblings. But since we are successful he has chosen to pay the 2k for the rehearsal dinner (my mom is paying for invites and alcohol at the RD) and that's it. Again, we've never asked or expected any from him. I just believe (and so does my fiance) that my parents deserve more recognition since they are the ones hosting the entire wedding.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I've never sad his fathers financial situation differs, just that my parents chose to pay for far more things for us. But this forum did help me, and I'll thank my parents for hosting and his for their emotional support (or however it will be worded). We already had a sentence thanking family and friends for attending so it will be added to that.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Thanks! And yeah I agree. They are hosting so I'm not sure why it's weird to thank them for hosting. Just like we would thank his father and my mother for hosting the RD. My father won't be mentioned as hosting the RD so I won't be mentioning his parents for hosting the wedding (since they aren't).
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  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
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    I understand more where you are coming from now, it’s less about having less money on his family’s part and more about their preference not to give you financial support. I would personally still avoid mentioning their hosting on the program (I just don’t think it’s the high road option or the place/time to settle this score) but if you or your parents really feel it is right, I would say something like “We would like to thank both of our families for their love and support in our relationship, with special appreciation to Mr. ______ and Mrs and Mr. ______ for hosting our dream event”
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Right, thank you! His mother truly doesn't have any money, but that's on her. She doesn't like or want to work and would rather move in with us and have us financially support her instead (happened for 1 week and will never again). We are already paying for his moms dress, shoes, alterations, 2 nights in the blocked hotel, hair and makeup, getting ready outfit, day of gifts, lunch the day of the wedding, and she has the wedding and rehearsal dinner paid for her (obviously) so she is getting plenty of thanks. His father paid 10k+ for his stepbrothers wedding in addition to paying for the other 4 kids car insurance and cell phones, and my fiance hasn't taken or expected any money from his father after turning 18 (or before really). I'm not going to ask my parents input, they would stay silent and give everyone equal credit because they truly are so kind. But to my fiance and me, that isn't fair. I absolutely love how you worded that for the program and am copy and pasting it now! Thank you for all your help!
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I was the MOB. FOB and I paid for about 80% of daughter & SIL's recent wedding, FOG about 20%, and MOG didn't offer and likely isn't in a position where she could have. Honestly, I would have been very uncomfortable (really, mortified...) if daughter and SIL highlighted our financial contribution publicly at the wedding. FOB gave a brief welcome speech/toast, and he specifically thanked guests for coming on behalf of all four of us parents. SIL & D thanked all four of us for our "love and support" (or something along that line). Both before the wedding and again after D & SIL each wrote us VERY sweet personalized thank-you notes. I will treasure those notes forever. There's no question in husband/FOB & my minds how much the kids appreciated our making their dream wedding a reality. I would not have wanted them to make it any more specific to the guests, and would have found that very embarrassing. I think most people who thought about it knew we hosted/paid for the majority of the wedding, but I wouldn't have wanted it publicly mentioned. I encourage you to be sure this is something your parents will favor. I totally understand your thought process, I just see it differently. Good luck!

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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
    • Flag
    My parents are paying for our entire wedding and honeymoon. future in-laws are not contributing a dime to the wedding rehearsal, nothing. We do not mind, nor expect them to since they are very dysfunctional and bad with their money to begin with. Our parents will be recognized for their amazing financial support and help. His parents haven’t even been emotionally supportive or helped in anyway shape or form (also do not fault them for this). They won’t be getting any type of recognition except for my letter thanking them for my amazing fiancé, which they didn’t even raise him so it’s going to be a difficult letter to write. IM confused why everybody is so against it?
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Good to know! I think I'll still thank them for hosting. I just honestly don't believe it's fair for my parents to pay $60,000 and his parents to not contribute at all, and not be mentioned as the hosts. Like any party, I think the hosts are acknowledged. But I agree, we will mention all parents for being there.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'm glad I posted this, we will be polite & sensitive about this topic. But I will be thanking my parents specifically for hosting, since they are 100% hosting the entire wedding.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
    • Flag

    I would just go with traditional invites.

    Mr and Mrs James Smith

    Ms. Joanne Jones (or Smith)

    request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of

    Mary smith

    to

    Kenneth Day


    blah blah blah


    And then his father can send out RD invites however he wants

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    We already ordered our invites. We have divorced parents & two stepparents so it's too much to include all names. We just put "together with their families".

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  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·
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    I'm with you - traditionally, the hosts/ parents of the bride pay for the wedding, your parents are hosting. Traditionally, grooms parents pay for the rehearsal and honeymoon. I KNOW that's not necessarily what happens, especially now-a-days, and I get how you want to honor that. I don't think it's rude to thank your parents for hosting. In fact, perhaps you could let your dad say the welcome speech etc as that's what traditionally happens - the host delivers the welcome speech. And then you can say a special thank you. I think a thank you at rehearsal to his parents says the same, as they are hosting that.

    At first I was agreeing with others, don't add a thank you on the program, but it's not about each others financial situation (I doubt you would make it about that), it's about thanking someone for something big they're doing! I think too, know your crowd, will FH's parent take it as a slight? I'm pretty sure you're thank you on the program isn't going to say "dear rich mommy and daddy, thanks for paying for everything, as FHs parents are cheap skates" (not saying that's the situation with either). Smiley xd

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