Reception or No Reception?

It’s rude hun, sorry but there’s no other way to put it. Guests are going out of their way to attend your ceremony and honor your unity, now they have to pay to be there?

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Would it be rude to make the ceremony for certain guest as in our parents, grand parents, siblings and a few close friends be rude? I know it sounds odd there's just a lot of people from our past that has asked and we want to invite to our wedding but we don't really know very well anymore and I don't think we would really spend much time with them at the reception (so I don't want them to feel left out). Basically just have a reception for close family and a ceremony for whoever would like to come.

View Quoted Comment It’s tricky and you would have to include this wording on your invites that there won’t be a reception. Guests come and expect a celebratory meal unless your invites include it’s a cake n’ punch reception or just no food at all. If you forget to mention this on your invites guests likely won’t eat before and go home hungry, that isn’t a gracious look for a bride you know?
If you’re going this route then don’t mention dinner at all to guests who aren’t coming to the dinner, and you absolutely need to pay for the meals of your immediate family who are coming to the dinner. You’re the host and a good host feeds their guests.

Congratulations! No it's not tacky you can always have a reception at a later time.

Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be hosted in some way afterwards. If it’s during a meal time a meal should be provided but if it’s not during a meal time it’s fine to do cake and punch.

It seems odd to invite people to a ceremony and not host a reception. Could you do a cake & punch reception at an off-meal time instead?

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Right I would pay for the reception dinner for a small family get together type reception. It's just we don't have a big budget anyways and little to no help from family so we're trying to find the cheapest route to go without being rude. I'm just asking for opinions I don't want to be rude to any of my guest but I also don't want to tell people from our past that they can't come to the ceremony just so I can have a small reception. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don't mean to seem rude or unfair. Its just that most people will have asked if their invited or are expecting an invite just because of our relationships with them as children and we aren't close with a lot of these people so I just wouldn't want to be responsible for feeding over 100 guest and over half of them people that I rarely talk to.

View Quoted Comment Typically it is the reverse situation. Only intimate family comes to the ceremony and then everyone goes to the reception. However it is your wedding and if it's what makes you happy then you should do it.

That being said I think if you want a small and intimate wedding and to keep costs low (totally agree, that's what I am doing) I think you need to really evaluate what that means. If you want to keep costs low but have everyone you know, try a backyard wedding and have a barbeque or potluck and go simple and casual. If you want intimacy and to make it special it is perfectly okay to tell people that only your immediate family is attending the wedding AND the reception. No one gets to guilt you about your special day because it isn't about what they want.

As far as making people pay for their own dinner. Speak with your guests. See what they think and work off of their advice. Every circle is different. I am doing BYOB and a potluck. Only providing champagne, tacos, and maybe some juice or something. Some families would find this tacky or offensive. But I only have my close family/friends coming (50 people) and they all love the idea so I know I'm supported.

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So I should have like a cake and punch for everyone and then later in the day have a reception for family?

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I agree with PPs. The reception is to thank your guests for coming. I think your new idea sounds much better

View Quoted Comment Yeah as long as it’s between like 1 and 4 so it’s not over a meal time. And then if you want to take just your family to dinner afterwards I think that’s fine.

If your profile wedding date is correct that's a Monday. Many guests will likely RSVP no for a Monday.

As far as budget consider:
Going over the guest list twice. Make a list of must haves then would like. Then go over the list again and look at people you aren't really in contact with (mostly old friends and extended family). You may find it's only 50-60 people.
Have an early afternoon ceremony and short reception. Ceremony at like 1 or 1:30 and a reception for 2 hours.
Like other posters have said have a cake and punch reception. Besides cake and punch a few other nibbles would be nice. Mini sandwiches, friut salad, chips and salsa or dip, maybe veggie spread. Up to you but a nice touch. But you DO need to host everyone at YOUR cost, unless your parents would like to provide or chip in for it. But it needs to be in between meal times. Plastic dinnerware acceptable.
An intimate family dinner after a short reception is fine however be careful about who knows. Out of town guests might have mixed feelings about not being invited. No matter who is invited, they don't pay for their meal unless they volunteer.
No DJ. Background music is nice but not necessary. You can do it yourself if you like.

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Thank you I like the idea of a potluck on byob style reception. It seems to be the easy median. And as for the no one should guilt me for who I choose or not choose to invite they shouldn't but they will so that's why I'm in this situation but your idea seems to be the best yet.

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But Sarah, this happens to almost everyone. I think PPs are trying to get you to see that you are not alone in that aspect. Most of us have people in our lives who either we have known forever through our families, or some other connection, but that we just aren't really close to on a day-to-day basis. It would be lovely to have them all at our weddings--if we had an unlimited budget and unlimited amount of space. But that is not the reality for most of us. So, you do the best you can. Remember that it is the most special day of your life for you and FH, and it should be about the two of you, and your life as it is at present. The people you ask to come share the love with you should be people you are close to NOW, and have a part in your lives now.

People will always assume they are going to be invited, even if they haven't seen you for years. But it's just not realistic with today's wedding costs. Just because someone wants an invitation, or assumes they will/should be invited, doesn't mean you are obligated to invite them. Weddings are not cheap, even the low-budget ones!

Beware of the backyard DIY wedding also, as there can be a lot of hidden costs associated with that kind of wedding.

I think your first thing should be to figure out what is your realistic budget to pay for this day, and then get down to the hard task of finalizing your guest list. Start your list with immediate family, and those you can't imagine your day without. If you finish that list, and feel like you have room in the budget for more, then you can start adding names. But don't let anyone's comments or opinions influence you. Good luck!!

If they are not close enough to you to be invited to the reception, then don't invite them to the ceremony. The only exception would be something like a church that announces in the bulletin that a wedding will take place, and allows anyone to attend the ceremony. But if you're sending an individual invitation, it needs to be for both the ceremony and reception, even if the reception is only cake and punch in the church hall.

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This is not a good suggestion either because you're still making your guests pay by either bringing food for everyone or bringing food for just themselves. Just have a cake and punch reception during a non-meal time and if you still want to celebrate with your family later in the day take them out and pay for their meal.

I have been to too many potluck weddings and honestly they never come out right. Someone will load up and take all the mac and cheese, someone will inevitably break some cardinal sanitation or food safety rule which could make your guests sick, someone will be allergic to everything but of course they didn't bring anything at all, in fact a lot of people won't bring anything, your family will end up spending the entire reception serving and cleaning so you won't even get time to spend with them, and honestly, I think while it is fine for any other get together, weddings receptions are not meant to be a BYOwhatever. I get budget restraints and am doing a heck of a lot of DIY and cost cutting, but the potluck was vetoed immediately in our planning process. A say cake and punch or just "elope" with closest friends and immediate family. Your other friends may want to be there, but they have lives too and it might not have worked out for them anyway. Good luck to you!

We are having an intimate wedding. We’ll have a ceremony, cake and champagne toast at the venue. After our 2 hour rental time is up we have reservations at the adjoining restaurant to the hotel where we will pay for everyone’s meal and drinks there. We have appx 16-20 people attending. All of which are family and our closest friends.

Im going to disagree with almost everyone here. First though, i would really try to narrow your guest list down as far as possible. I have 44. If you can afford appetizers & salads at a restaurant do that & follow it with desserts. But don’t sacrifice your honeymoon budget to appease people you don’t talk to but once a year.