Reception Dinner "no Host"

I really don’t think there is a good way to do this to begin with... you can’t exactly invite people to an event and ask them to pay for themselves (especially since they already probably spent money on a gift for you...) How many guests are you having?

Approximately 20 and we haven't requested any gifts

I’m not sure you can do this tactfully.

Since the number of guests is small, is there any way you can cover the cost? People typically do not expect to pay for their meal at a wedding, and this may be especially uncomfortable to learn so close to the wedding.

A reception dinner should never be self pay. You need to be picking up the tab for everyone.

I don’t think there’s an okay way to do this. I’ve never even heard of this being a thing.

I’m with the other posters - I’ve never heard of this being a thing so I’m not sure how you assumed your guests would know you aren’t paying for their meals at your wedding? How much is the meal? Is there anyway you can pay for everyone especially since it’s a week out from the event? You could offer to buy the meals and non-alcoholic drinks and anyone who wants an alcoholic beverage could cover that cost themselves.

There’s no polite way to tell someone they have to pay for a party that you decided to throw.

There's no way to tell people this without offending them. Guests typically don't pay for their own food at wedding receptions. I would just plan on finding a way to pay for everyone's meal. Thankfully it's only 20 guests.

View Quoted Comment Since it’s only 20 guests can you just cover the cost? That’s usually what should happen to begin with

You figured people automatically knew that they had to pay to attend your wedding??

“Self pay” weddings aren’t a thing. I’m with others that you need to pay for your guests’ dinners.

There is no way to say it that will not offend everyone. No one invites people, then expects them to pay. Find a way to cover the cost. Or get married, no reception. But do not ask others to pay for your reception.

You should not be making your guests pay for their food. Since you only have 20 people invited, you may find it easy to cover the costs.

It is only 20 guests... At this point, you and your FH should just pay for it. I am not sure how you could tactfully get that information to everyone with turning people away.

I have never heard of a self pay reception. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am with the other posters, I would just pay for everyone myself.
I think it would be awfully rude to impose that on your guests right now.

OUCH. That is critical information. I agree with everyone else, you should find a way to cover the cost,

You don't. That's incredibly inappropriate. Receptions are always hosted. It's in the name - you are receiving your guests and thanking them for attending by providing them food and drink appropriate to the time of day. It is your responsibility to pay for your guests. Figure out a way.

Nobody should request gifts. That's immaterial.

I'm curious. Is there something about the venue that would indicate they should know it would be self pay? Unfortunately, as everyone has said, I don't think you will be able to get out of paying for everyone. Hopefully the venue you chose isn't too expensive and if you haven't already maybe see if the venue can work with you to put together an affordable menu so that everyone isn't ordering whatever they want (assuming it's a restaurant) and then you are stuck with a bill that is out of control. This would be the only thing I think that you will be able to do to control costs and not upset your guests.

View Quoted Comment A limited menu arrangement would let you plan better. And it is okay to have on a limited menu sheet, as restaurants often do, that the dinner comes with 1 salad or appetizer, main course with 2 sides, dessert, and up to 2 alcoholic beverages, and coffee or tea . The limited menu can stipulate the number of drinks maximum. Bar service need not be unlimited. Or you do not have to serve any liquor at all.

Sorry this is rude no guest should be paying to eat at your reception.

The only way this would work is if you were very upfront with your guests. My fiancé and I are having a courthouse ceremony here and a small wedding in Paris. Our families will not be able to come to Paris so they wanted to come to the courthouse ceremony. In total there will only we about 15-18 people including a few friends. We are not planning anything special afterwards and we were very upfront about that. We did not do any formal invites for the ceremony and just provided the info to those who wanted to attend. My fiancé, stepson and I are going to eat at a restaurant afterwards and our family and friends are welcome to join us (again, they understand we aren’t hosting a meal). We are not expecting any gifts from our families.

I know this is very against the norm and I wouldn’t have had anyone at the courthouse because I knew we weren’t planning on hosting a dinner after. But our families really wanted to come so we compromised.