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niseirn

Receiving unwanted gifts

niseirn, on December 18, 2019 at 6:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 17
My husband and I received a couple small wedding gift from his parents that we appreciate, but something we didn’t want or need. The style doesn’t really fit our decor. One of the items was a hand painted green floral cake stand that they bought during one of their travels to Italy. The other is a set of “Our nest is best” green potholders. Unfortunately, we might continue to get gifts like this from them for special occasions. We will not be using these at all as we don’t have any use for them. We never buy cakes to eat at home, and we have plenty of potholders to last a lifetime. Is there a polite way to say that we don’t want these kinds of gifts without hurting their feelings or seeming ungrateful? We have so much junk that we are trying to get rid of and don’t want to be stuck with more. We are trying to make room for all my belongings.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on December 20, 2019 at 4:45 PM
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Wedding gift or not, I don't think there's any way to tell someone you don't like their gifts. Believe me, I completely understand why you feel that way (I hate clutter!), but I think you have to accept the gifts graciously. That said, you DO NOT have to use, display, or even keep them. Feel free to discreetly regift (to someone in a different social circle than your in-laws) or send them to the thrift shop. Play dumb and change the subject if they ever ask.

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  • Lauren
    VIP September 2019
    Lauren ·
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    There really isn't a good way to say you don't appreciate their gifts. If you say something they may just stop thinking of getting you anything down the road. If you are okay with that then say something but just know you will come off looking unappreciative.

    I have received some gifts from my in laws I'm not particularly fond of. We keep it for a while, use it or put it out when they come over and then donate it down the road. I am the proud owner of a 6 foot by 8 foot blanket with one of our engagement photos on it, our faces are literally 4 feet wide. Smiley xd

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  • niseirn
    niseirn ·
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    Oh my, I just about died when I read your post! If my in-laws got us that, my husband would definitely say something to them. He hates having his pic taken. Thanks for your advice. It seems the condenses is not to say anything.
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  • niseirn
    niseirn ·
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    Thanks, Point well taken. I’ll eventually find a new owner for these gifts. But for now will hold onto them somewhat begrudgingly.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Can you regift to people they don't know?

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Nope. There’s no way to say it without it sounding ungrateful. Just take the items to the Goodwill and keep it pushing. As the saying goes....One man’s “trash” is another man’s treasure. Someone is happily waiting to scoop up those items.
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  • Victoria
    Dedicated November 2019
    Victoria ·
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    I donated any unwanted gifts to a non profit restore. A thrift store that donates proceeds to charities. Mr and Mrs things I’ll never use are perfect those kinds of shops. I felt a little bad getting rid of gifts so quickly but at least I didn’t throw them away. We all get a few unwanted gifts My worst or most awkward gift was a handmade crotchet succulent or cactus. They even crotchet a hole in the cactus and added a bird. It’s impressively unnecessary.
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  • Susan
    Devoted October 2021
    Susan ·
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    Nope. Just send it off to Goodwill. That’s what I do with all the crap my dad gives me. No one is going to go prowling through your kitchen to see if you have the potholders they have you 5 years ago.
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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    I would hold onto these things for a couple years before donating them.. just in case. Maybe even put them out once in awhile when they come over to appease them.

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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    There is no way nor should you ever tell someone you don't like their gift because well that is ungrateful. Start a stash and re-gift them or return them when you can.

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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    It unfortunately happens. I usually give it to goodwill. I do the same w/ my mom's gifts (which is usual).

    We do not display anything in our house that we do not like.

    Fortunately, my MIL knows that I am picky lol, so if she sees something she usually sends me a photo to make sure that I like it before she purchases it.

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  • kymarmck
    Super March 2020
    kymarmck ·
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    Personally, I would keep the cake stand and put it in a box somewhere just because that couldn't have been cheap! Everything my parents bring back from their travels I keep, but I just love getting things from other countries haha.

    In the end though, you can just donate or regift to someone else!

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Can't you just return/exchange these items instead of telling people you don't like their gifts? We did that with a couple of gifts we received.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'd probably keep the cake stand from Italy. It seems like a cool gift even if it doesn't match decor. You can always store it and use it for special occasions, or you can pass it on to your kids (or maybe younger siblings or some other family member). The potholders I assume are cheaper & not as meaningful, so I'd just donate them or sell them or gift them to someone else. I imagine saying anything will just really hurt their feelings and isn't worth it.

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  • niseirn
    niseirn ·
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    No way to trace the seller of the cake stand since it was bought by an independent artist in a small town in Italy. As for the potholders, not worth the trouble to return them.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    The cake plate can also be used to display items on. And I am sure when the holidays roll around the cake plate( sounds lovely and sentimental as it was a gift from Italy for you) will be put to use.
    Pot holders have a way of “dying”- they hit a lite burner or get stained......
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    OMG I FEEL YOU.

    I literally hate gifts just for the sake of gifts. I hate having things I don't need and can't use. I love the idea of a simple, clutter free home. At heart, I'm a minimalist. In practice, I'm not, but I'm trying to be.

    I very much just try to make sure people know this is who I am. I try to bring up the idea of "I don't want or need anything" whenever it can be done discretely or when I am specifically asked what I want for my birthday, the holidays, etc, but at the moment you are actually gifted something I do think you just need to be gracious. I don't think you should lie and say "we love it" or "this will go great in our sun room" if that's not true, but you can always be appreciative of someone thinking of you.

    After the fact I think it's totally fine to donate or re-gift an item to someone they don't know. If they comment on the absence of the item, you can say "it didn't fit our style" or "we had so much of that we just needed to simplify" or use it as an opportunity to remind them that you really aren't gift people, and maybe they will get the hint and not try to force gifts on you in the future.

    If they really feel the need to gift you something (some people just cannot help themselves) think of some ideas for consumable gifts you might like (experiences or food) and suggest those. Saying "we've always wanted to do a couples massage as this great spa in town" or "what would be really nice would be a romantic dinner at this restaurant" is a great hint, and they get the joy of gifting you something without you feeling the stress of more clutter.

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