Reasons to decline being in bridal party?

It's a lot of time and money. Any wedding I've been involved in, the BMs hosted the bridal shower and bachlorette. I know people say all they have to do is show up and IMO, that's BS. I would never NOT partake in any of the other functions. Also, there's a chance you have to go to dress shopping for them AND you. It's just a lot. Also, If you are forcing them to wear specific jewelry, that's not a gift.

I think that's all that would stop me from being a bridesmaid, the money. And it sounds like you're trying to make that a little easier!

For me the issue would be more time than money.

The shopping trips, the events, the planning meetings, showers, the meet and greets get time consuming and tedious and not as fun for the bridal party as for the bride.

Also, the wedding itself means you don't have as much time for your so if you have one. They sit apart at the ceremony and sometimes at the reception. The bp is involved in at least one dance. And usually the bp needs to be somewhere early to prepare (hair, makeup, etc.).

Not that all those things can't be fun, just trying to think of everything.

The only thing that would stop me was $$. I've been lucky to make it work whenever asked to be a BM.

But I love being a bridesmaid and have always been really excited when asked. So aside from money nothing else would stop me lol

@JSull - I wouldn't force them to wear anything. But if there was something they liked I would get it for them. But thank you for pointing that out. I'm still hammering out the gift part.

I worry about the time commitment too. I invite them to the fittings and stuff and they all seem excited to go when they do, but I worry if they are just too nice or feel obligated to say otherwise.

I know married people who decline if both of them aren't asked, which I personally find strange. There might be other weddings in their life too. One of our best friends was a groomsmen in our wedding with another close friend getting married the same day. We announced our date a lot sooner to him than she did so our wedding was the one he participated in, although I doubt he would have been asked to be part of their wedding.

Being OOT and going through your own major life event come to mind (new job, new baby, medical issues for example). Anything that could mean it's difficult for you to commit 100% to be there on the day of your wedding.

None of those reasons mean a friend has to decline, but they are also understandable reasons why a friend would. Plenty of expecting women are fine with being a BM in a friend's wedding. Others may not be, especially if their due date is really close to the wedding. Sometimes with new jobs, it's hard to get time off, whether you have a probationary period before you can utilize PTO or because you're the low man on the totem pole and co-workers already have time off approved near the wedding you've been asked to be in. Being OOT (especially when it's not driving distance) means it's not so easy to agree to be there just one day. It turns into a multi-day trip with plane tickets and hotel reservations and asking for time off. Being ill may mean your ability to show up day of isn't a given. Your friend might be at the mercy of a treatment schedule or whether or not (s)he is having a good day.

I know that when I broke the news to a friend of mine back in August that DH and I were moving across the country, she told me that she was going to ask me something and that especially given the news I had just given her, she totally understood if I needed to pass. She then asked me if I would be in her BP. I told her how much I appreciated that she had said I did not have to answer right away. I was less worried about committing to travel for her wedding, but definitely wanted to run it by DH before saying yes to her because we had a conflict with her date (his family reunion is the same weekend). Ultimately, we decided that I should say yes, and we'll be taking separate trips that weekend.

For me, it would be a time & money constraint. I suspect that my BFF is getting engaged soon, and she's already planning to fly to NYC to visit Kleinfeld - she wants me and her mom to go. I know that I will probably be spending a lot if she ends up asking me to be her MOH. For anyone else, I wouldn't feel comfortable committing to it.

It's time and money. For my nearest and dearest, I'd be 100% honored and I'd move mountains to be part of their special day. Even if it were expensive, I'd do all that I could (within reason) to be supportive, plan parties, and basically be whatever the bride needed me to be.

However, I totally understand that everyone does not share this mindset. My bridal party has been pretty great, but I'd never ask anything major of them. Anything they've done for me so far has been their own doing.

Thank you everyone for your insight!

So funny everyone is saying all this stuff when the majority of WWers say the only duty is to show up in the dress requested.

Seems that this is not usually the case.

I have declined being in the bridal party for a number of reasons.

A big one for me is the amount of travel needed. For the most part, I live roughly 7-8 hours from my best friends and my family. Between school and work it's really hard to get back home.

I also turned down a BP "proposal" because she told us we'd have to, with the groomsmen, attend a like "support" session with their priest where we promise to provide them support, advice, and spiritual guidance. I talked to my friend/the bride and since I couldn't promise to give them god support (I don't support religion of any kind) so I had to turn it down.

Other than that I can see someone turning down for a myriad of reasons but those were mine.

Time and money. I'd rather be a guest. Or a vendor.

I honestly don't even understand the concept of a bridal party.

I have a sister with extreme social anxiety and she asked that she not be in the wedding because of it. She doesn't want anyone looking at her and would rather hide in the crowd.

I don't think I'd ever decline being a BM, unless I had some major medical issues at the time or something. My BMs didn't have to come to any of my dress appointments (I brought my mom and grandma to buy a dress, and went to fittings alone). Only those who asked to come came to pick out the BM dress- the rest just measured themselves and ordered over the phone. My mom hosted my shower. My MOHs planned my bachelorette, but I asked that it be local, 1 night only, and affordable (e.g. No tickets to an expensive concert or anything). They really didn't have to do anything extra vs a regular guest besides arrive a little earlier for pictures. 1 of my BMs wasn't able to come to the shower or bachelorette because she lives on the opposite side of the country, but I'm SO glad she didn't decline being a BM because she thought those events were mandatory. All I wanted was her to be there the day of the wedding and to know she's incredibly special to me. People talk a lot about being relieved they didn't have to be in a wedding and I honestly don't get it. As long as your friends are reasonable, it's really not a big deal.

Besides time and money its a huge commitment. I always end being the one to plan and execute everything. It's a hassle having to round up lazy girls. If i was the on BM that'd be different, but when the other bm's have no motivation I'm over it.

Maybe I'm being a Debbie downer...but Time, money, being told what to do, where to go, when to be there, bachelorette parties with people you don't know ...

Unless we are really good friends leave me out of the bridal party.

"Sisters of the groom" don't always want to be a BM, if you're doing it to be polite, no need.

Here the BM only really have to spend what they want to. All wedding related expenses should be taken care of by the couple, often thier accommodation is also paid for. We don't have bridal showers, and bachelorette parties are split between everyone who attends, accept the bride. So here being a BM shouldn't cost you too much more than being a regular guest. But again there is the time involved, dress shopping, sometimes hair trials ( depending on bride ) , the day before there are often things that help is needed with ( not always, again depends on wedding) . Some people just don't have the extra time to spare, work , children etc. There can be many reasons why people don't want to be a BM.

I think you covered most things? But honestly, I'm always excited! (Assuming it's someone I'm close to)

The only way I would decline is if I was destitute or if I physically could not be there.