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Just Said Yes September 2021

Rearranging Guest List after Sending Save the Dates

Sarah, on April 13, 2020 at 2:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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I feel like the answer is don't do this, but looking for second opinions. Got engaged in late 2018, wedding is (currently) October 2020. We made the guest list pretty shortly after getting engaged and sent save the dates a year out in October 2019 (early, I know, but we'd known the date since before getting engaged). Now that save the dates are out, I'm looking at the guest list again and realizing that there are some people I'm not very close with anymore who are on there and people I'm closer to now who aren't. Since it's not even the invites yet, is there a way to politely rescind the save the date? Should I just assume that if they don't care they'll rsvp no and I can still send invites to the people I'm closer to now? (Assuming all singles bring a plus one, we've already invited about 10% more than the venue can fit at max capacity and are considering some of those courtesy invites).

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on April 29, 2020 at 2:49 AM

VIP September 2020
Neeva · on April 13, 2020 at 2:42 PM
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I don't think there is a way to uninvite people after a save the date unless you are downsizing due to coronavirus. I would say just send everyone invites that you sent a save the date to and see how things go.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on April 13, 2020 at 2:44 PM
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When you send a save the date, you’re telling people they’re being invited so even if formal invites haven’t gone out, those people who got save the dates have been invited. You definitely shouldn’t assume people will rsvp no and I wouldn’t add any more people to the guest list of you are already over your venue max.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on April 13, 2020 at 2:57 PM
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I'm sorry, but in my opinion there is absolutely no way to rescind invitations after save the dates have already been sent. Once people receive a save the date, they do exactly that--save the date. Plan their travel, schedule, etc. around your date. A save the date is essentially part 1 of the invitation.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on April 13, 2020 at 3:04 PM
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I agree with PPs, there’s no polite way to uninvite guests and you are doing just that. Once you send out save the dates you are locked in to inviting those guests unless something drastic happens (like you cancel the wedding or have a major falling out) or risk offending people, Guests start to book flights, take time off work, and book hotels.
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Sarah · on April 13, 2020 at 3:10 PM
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This all makes sense, thought the same thing but again was checking to be sure I hadn't missed something. Also to clarify, the "courtesy" invites I was referring to were for older family members who likely won't travel but we wanted them to feel included, hence the assumption that they won't attend. Thanks all!
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on April 28, 2020 at 12:26 PM
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I agree that once you send a save-the-date, they'll expect an invitation. People will be booking flights and hotels based on this info. It's OK to add more people later, but not subtract.

If you're not that close with them, the best you can hope for is they might decline.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on April 29, 2020 at 2:49 AM
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No, there is no way you can rescind a STD without being extremely rude. If you're already over the max allowed at your venue you need to stop adding to your guest list and start hoping and praying that you get a good-size decline rate.
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