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Savvy October 2021

Really want notes/cards, not gifts

Brittany, on June 14, 2021 at 9:17 PM Posted in Registry 0 6

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Hi! So my partner and I have lived together for nearly 7 years now, and really don't have need for traditional wedding gifts. We don't need to upgrade our dishes, sheets, towels, etc. We have had guests and family ask about a registry, so we've created a small registry for items that fuel our joint hobbies (cooking and camping) as well as a small honeymoon fund. We wrote something like "seeing you in person will be the best present, but for those that have asked here are some gift items or funds that would be warmly appreciated." on our registry site.

Here is my question though - I would honestly prefer to get just a nice handwritten card/note from our friends & family than a gift. I don't know exactly how to say that to people. I know many guests like to give gifts and we'll happily accept any gift they choose to give, but is there a way to tell guests that the best gift would be just a heartfelt card?
Thanks for any advice.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on June 28, 2021 at 4:57 PM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on June 14, 2021 at 9:25 PM
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Most people give a card with their gift regardless, so I would just leave it as is.
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on June 14, 2021 at 9:27 PM
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I think most people will give you a gift even if you ask them not to. Especially the older generations.

I’m in the same boat and just didn’t include any registry information and anyone who asked I told them we weren’t registered anywhere.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on June 15, 2021 at 12:19 PM
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Everyone has different love languages, and you can't expect others to express themselves in your way. That's why pre-printed cards and registries exist for people like me who stress over letters. How about having a guest book where attendees can leave an optional message? Also, if you really don't want gifts, just remove all registries.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on June 15, 2021 at 1:28 PM
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Handwritten notes are unfortunately a thing of the distant past that people don’t do as of the past few decades. Some don’t want to, others were never taught. Outside of spreading the word via your parents, as registries are traditionally done, there’s really not a tactful way to say that. Have a guest book with attendant and ask them to write a note that way. Be specific that you want more than their name.
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Savvy October 2021
Brittany · on June 15, 2021 at 2:38 PM
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Thanks everyone for your insight. I've had many friends who got married within the last few years who lamented not getting many cards, and I guess the best way to deal with that is by really emphasizing my guest book and asking guests to leave a written message there. I love looking back on kind words so that's the most meaningful gift someone can share with me. Thanks again everyone for your perspectives!
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Master May 2020
Kari · on June 28, 2021 at 4:57 PM
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I feel like there is no polite way to ask for cards or money and the only way to steer guests in that direction is to give them no other options.
Regardless of whether or not you have a registry or ask specifically for things (or ask specifically not to receive gifts) people will do what they want and gift you what they want anyway. Its pretty annoying actually, but at least you get to receive/open your wedding gifts in private and don't have to put on a show of fake gratitude when a guest gives you a strange lawn ornament that doesn't match your style/aesthetic whatsoever.
Definitely make sure you have a card box available at your wedding, and if anyone specifically asks its totally okay to say you'd just love a heartfelt card. Asking for money is a bit inappropriate but I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "your presence is enough; if you want to give us something tangible we'd love to have a little note or card from you to look back on in the future that will remind us of your presence at our big day."
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