real mom vs mom who raised me drama

It does not make you a terrible person. Your bio mom has no grounds for making demands so don't cave to her - go ahead with your plans to honor your stepmom.

If your mom is going to act like a brat, I'd just keep her away. If you don't want to uninvite her, don't give into any of her demands. Tell her that she's a guest and if she tries to create problems for the woman who actually was a mom to you, you will have her removed. Either way, you're probably going to need security at your wedding.

I'm going to be in the same boat with FH's mom. He was taken from his abusive mom and adopted by a woman who was just as abusive. One of his close friends' mom (Mama B) actually did the raising (kept him off the streets, helped him stay out of trouble, fed him when he had nothing, etc. Problem is, FH found his bio mom when he was 18 and is super attached to her (hates his adoptive mom so I've never met her). Well bio mom takes advantage of him and abuses his love for her by asking for him to buy her things, calling him names, and withholding affection unless he does what she wants (she and I have had it out because I don't put up with her shit and doing that to him). Now that we are planning the wedding, I want to honor Mama B at the wedding and so does he, but he wants to honor bio mom too. I know that's going to blow up when bio mom finds out and we will have a tantrum on our hands.

Unfortunately in my situation is FH's choice, not mine (or bio mom wouldn't be invited at all). But I am going to put my foot down with her about honoring Mama B as well. You should put your foot down too. If you don't want to honor her, then she needs to grow up and figure out why for herself. And if she doesn't like it, then just likey FH's bio mom, she can just not come (fingers crossed).

Honestly? Her behavior aside, why are you even inviting her? You said that there are people very close to you and your FH that don't even know that she exists. She hasn't met your FH. If she's been as absent as you say she has, there's really no point in her being there. Do you want to constantly answer the "who is that?" question on your wedding day? I think it would be better to not invite her at all than to invite her and make it a point to treat her as nothing more than a guest. I think that would be kinda fucked up.

Nope. You can have whatever you want in your ceremony, and you're 100% right that you're being nice in inviting her. It's annoying and frustrating that your bio mom is acting like this, and I'm sorry. Very childish of her. Keep putting your foot down and know you're doing the right thing!

It does not make you a terrible person. you are letting her come. family doesnt always mean blood, it means the people who fight for their family and stand by them. sounds like all she has given you is her dna and that doesnt rise up to mother of the bride, just egg donor of the bride, and that is too long of a title for an invite. goos for you for standing your group. keep strong you are fine

You are in the right. It is kind of you to include her in pictures, but she is otherwise a guest. If she has a problem with things, she can not come.

She's not your "real Mom." She's you're biological mother. From the sounds of it, your stepmom has acted like a real mother, for most of your life.

Don't give into your bio Mom's ridiculous demands. If she threatens not to come, oh well ...

I'm in a similar situation but my mom isn't invited. She might know about the wedding, but I haven't told her.

She's damn lucky you invited her at all. She needs to chill her jets.

You're not in the wrong. Follow your heart with this one.

He'll no, because THAT'S what she is. A guest. The on mother who raised you is the one who gets recognized. Not the one who birthed you and walked away.

It doesn't make you a terrible person at all. I agree that you should include her in pictures, but she is just a guest. You should continue with your plans to honor your stepmom. Don't give in to any of your biological mother's demands.

No you are not a bad person. You are the bigger person and that is the person we should all strive to be! Stay strong and hold your ground. It's your day and any tantrum behavior should not be tolerated!

Names on invites are for if those people are hosting (aka paying for) the wedding and therefore inviting others to come. Our invites didn't mention any of our parents, because although they did offer to contribute some, FH and I are paying most of it ourselves and didn't budget based on their contribution since they hadn't given us any money yet. Since your bio mom isn't paying, there is absolutely no reason her name would go on an invite.

Since she hasn't been there for most of your life, it's totally fine to honor your stepmom and not bio mom. If it's tough standing up to her, have a close friend or family member you can enlist to be there with you foe emotional support when you have conversations with her.

It doesn't make you a terrible person at all. It's the same for me except with my step dad. My bio dad isn't even invited after he threw a fit that he didn't get to walk me down the aisle. As far as I'm concerned, the step parents that raised us, and went thro everything with us, deserve so much more credit than the people that helped create us. If she wants to throw a fit then let her. But I would let her know that if any drama happens at the wedding then she will be removed from the premises. If she wanted to be involved that badly, she shouldn't have been so absent in your life. I might sound harsh but that's how I've explained it to my bio dad and he's still pissed off but I honestly don't care lol

She made her choice to not be a mom when she didn't raise you. You don't owe her anything especially if she isn't helping you.