Ready for the next step?

He's just not ready. My FH and I were together for 8 years before he asked me. There was always an excuse as to why we weren't engaged yet ( from family and friends asking us), I knew when he was ready he would ask.

I would just give him some time. Many people date for a lot longer than that before getting engaged so it's not abnormal. I would try to lay off and not bug him about it for a bit. He might get resentful if he's continually pestered about it.

There's no set time frame when it comes to weddings or how a relationship should progress, but in no version of reality is a year and a half so long that you should be concerned about why he hasn't proposed. He doesn't need to give you an explanation, "I'm not ready," is enough. I'm not sure what you mean by letting you plan the wedding, but I would stop. If he's not ready to propose, he's probably not ready to get married. Stop planning, stop questioning him, let the relationship progress naturally and he'll do it if/when he feels the time is right.

I dated my ex for 7 years. He never proposed.

I dated my FH for 3 years before he proposed.

Just wait. There's really no rush to be married. I'm not the same person I was when I was 21 dating my ex. I'm glad he never proposed haha. Some people date for 6 months before they get engaged. Some people date for 15 years. There's no real time. If he says he isn't ready - then he isn't ready. Don't badger someone to propose and get locked into it if one of the people aren't ready to be married. Stop planning a wedding. Stop talking about weddings. Just stop with the wedding and enjoy dating.

I understand that , but why is he letting me do wedding stuff now when he isn't ready to do so?

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I think telling you he isn't ready to get married is pretty blatantly telling you not to plan a wedding. Why are you continuing to plan a wedding to someone who isn't ready yet? You're an adult, he doesn't need to "allow" you to do anything.

View Quoted Comment I think the better question is why are you doing wedding stuff when you know he isn’t ready to get married or even ask you to marry him? I’m wondering why you aren’t accepting of the fact that he isn’t ready.

Everyone is so different. Some women give ultimatums, some just wait, some go with their SO to pick out the ring, etc. I would make sure before you plan a wedding that 1. He wants a wedding and 2. He wants to be married. My FH and I started talking about marriage maybe a year or so into our relationship. We ended up getting engaged 2 and a half years after we met. We weren't serious the entire time. I was completely shocked when we got engaged. We had talked about marriage frequently by then but I figured it would take him longer. In my opinion, you do not want to push him in a direction that makes him uncomfortable.

We dated for 4 and a half years before we got engaged.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Is he “letting” you plan wedding stuff because he was to get married or because he just isn’t stopping you. What have you started to plan? I would advise against spending any money until you are both ready to plan and get married.

Give him time. My FH and I dated for 4 years and talked about marriage for 2 before actually getting engaged. Getting married is a big commitment, it’s more than just being in-love. It’s about being mature and building a life together. It’s a lot of hard work.

I find it strange that you would want to plan a wedding with someone who has blatantly told you they aren't ready to get married. I would drop all wedding talk and just enjoy the relationship that you have. When it's a good time for him to get married, I promise you'll be the first to know and then together you can both plan the wedding....

I was with my fiancé 5.5 years before he proposed. When we get married next month it will have been 7.5 years. We were ready a long time ago, just waiting to finish certain goals before we got married.
If he says he’s not ready, I wouldn’t start planning. I didn’t start planning until a few months after FH proposed.

We were dating for 15 months when FH proposed to me, to be honest I was shocked. I thought I would have to wait years! But I knew I lived him and I knew I never wanted anyone else, the life I have with him is all I want for the rest of my life. I knew this before we were engaged and I still know it after, nothing really changes. I think alot of people want to be proposed to just to have and plan the wedding when the person there with isn't really right for them, give each other time to determine it. If you love him with all your heart it shouldn't make a difference. Unless he has just out of the blue asked to to start planning your wedding, then he isn't letting you plan the wedding if that makes sense. Sure I had my wedding in my head before i was engaged and I'd talk to FH about it but i wouldn't by any means call that planning a wedding.

The only thing you're doing wrong is comparing your relationship to everyone else's. Each relationship is different and needs to grow at it's own pace.


He's not stringing you along or leading you on. He's being very honest and telling you he's not ready. It's not necessarily a reflection of his feelings for you. The reasons that he gave you are totally valid. Give him time and space. Do you waMy FH and I were together for 10years before he proposed. There were a few reasons for that but at no point during that time were we any less committed nor did it change our feelings for each other. I think the question is why are you in such a hurry to get married?

A year and a half is not necessarily time to be chomping at the bit to get engaged. If it were 10 years I would understand. You’ve got a great guy that is honest enough to say he’s not ready yet. It doesn’t matter what his reasoning is, but repeatedly bringing it up will not help your cause. I don’t know what you could have possibly planned so far, but I would put that on pause or keep it on your dream wedding Pinterest board until he actually proposes and you can plan together as it will be his wedding as well.

We were friends for two years and then dated for 2 years before we got engaged. It's better to wait until you are both ready than to pressure him to do something he isn't ready for! You can't compare your journey to someone else's. Just because an early engagement worked for your friends, doesn't mean that's what is best for your relationship. I know it is so hard when you have friends who seem to have gotten what you want (been there. I am the last of my friend group to get married, and it was so hard to be ok with where we were at). Instead of focusing on that one thing you wish you had, try focusing on all of the positives you (hopefully) do have with him.

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Is he encouraging you to go out and buy wedding things? Did he help pick a date? Has he been interested in touring venues or anything? Has he said he wants such and such to be his groomsmen? He's probably "letting you" daydream because it's easier than crushing your spirit by saying "stop wedding planning". You just said you told him you aren't ready to have a wedding right now. So, what's the rush to plan one? What's the rush to be engaged? Weddings are a huge step in a relationships. Weddings are crazy expensive too. If he said it's a financial issue that probably means he can't afford the ring he'd like to get you - which means there's no way he could help pay for a wedding.

Normally I wait two years. In my fiancé’s case I only waited one year because we had a complicated history prior to that and he needed to propose or I needed to move on.

By him letting you "plan" you mean book venues and vendors, or just pintrest plan? I mean, I've always had a pintrest board with my favorite ideas, planning out details. There is a difference if you are spending money. I dated by FH for 4.5 years before we got engaged. As soon as I stopped asking/pressuring, he surprised me!

Overall, you need to give him some time. Don't question his reasoning - when he is ready, he will ask. If that is not on your timeline or you have different expectations, then you two will need to sit down and talk through those issues to get on the same page.

When he says he’s not ready I’m sure he just means he is not ready. My FH just proposed in October 2018, after dating for 5 1/2 years. He will decide when the time is right and it’s not fair to him for you to pressure him or pester him about it. You do not need to plan his proposal, he will do that on his own when he thinks the timing is right. I would lay off the wedding planning altogether since until he proposes there isn’t going to be a wedding anyway. Try not to be in a rush, just be patient and the time will come.