Re: Fellow bridesmaid giving weird advice?

So strange that people do this. I get trying to save money, but people actually think that these vendors haven't had the same song and dance done before to them? I agree.. probably best just to stay out of it. Let her deal with the headache of pissed off vendors.

View Quoted Comment Yea, I am. Most of the time, the baker delivers the cake to the venue on the day of the wedding, but it is what it is.

View Quoted Comment Right?! Not sure how she thinks she'll skirt around that one lol.

I really doubt any contractor has a clause in the contract about being deceitful. If I say I am getting married to Joe Smith, and it is really Josephine Smith, are they going to back out? If I say a wedding, but I was actually legally married a month before, can they back out? If I say wedding, but for whatever reason one party could not marry and it became a commitment ceremony, could they back out, I don't think so. What if a family reunion were planned, and someone decided to get married that morning so everyone could be there? I could go on and on.

MAYBE the vendor has a clause about a about a material representation. I would be privately LMAO if I received an email about being "deceitful," but would be polite,

ETA deceitful is a an undefined term. I doubt a vendor will put it in a contract as it would be difficult to have a valid contract where it only applied to one party.

View Quoted Comment To each their own. To me it’s just not honest and good practice to not tell the truth, when they’re most likely going to find out either way.

Yeah I'd stay out of it. It'll be her fire to put out if anything goes sour with her vendors. On the contract with my caterer, we had to specifically state what type of event it was along with the wheres/and how many people. Not sure if there are ramifications for lying, but if there are then it will be her problems.

I'm not a big fan of liars.... However, it sounds like you did the right thing by talking with her in private about the potential issues this could create and that's really all you can do. Given what she said in the text message, do you think there's a possibility that she's trying to not directly disagree with the BM who made the suggestion to avoid confrontation? (She doesn't say she's going to try and deceive caterers, just that "she's heard of that trick".) Unless she orders a sheet cake from Costco, I'm not sure how a baker wouldn't figure out that what she is ordering is a wedding cake and/or they charge the same thing for a similarly decorated multi-level cake whether the customer tells them it's for a wedding or a garage sale, so I'm not sure this will actually save her anything! Again, you did the right thing; unfortunately, people don't always listen to good advice.

I’ve actually been to two wedding receptions where caterers were told it was a party, because they were indeed party-style receptions & not a typical, traditional wedding. Everybody was completely fine with it, caterers had no issues. They were only concerned by the number of people, the menu & the logistics.

For cake especially, if you have a specific design in mind & you ask a baker to make a cake that looks like that, for X people, for X date, there is no reason whatsoever that the baker has to ask you or has to know what event the cake is for. The price of the cake should not be dictated by an event type, but by complexity of cake design, flavors & number of servings. We’re not hiding event type from our baker, but I personally don’t see anything deceitful there 🤷🏻‍♀️

You did the right thing by explaining to her the dangers of lying. But at the end of the day she’ll make her own decision.

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That's what I was thinking as well. I don't think it matters for the baker as a cake is a cake and they don't really care what the event is, so maybe this was her nice way of just keeping the peace with everyone.

I think it's silly for sure. The most fun part about catering & dessert tastings & venue tours was doing it with my fiance & telling them we were engaged/how we got engaged & what our vision was for the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I know a guy who is the head of catering at a popular Bay Area venue. Someone said they were having a surprise bday party and it ended up being a quinceanera. The venue was livid as that would’ve required a much large security deposit and more staff etc. The family that booked it was charged several grand more after the fact and was banned from that venue for a year.

View Quoted Comment My venue contract states:

If the client is dishonest about the nature of the event, the event will be subject to cancellation or the client will pay additional fees.

My mom is OBSESSED with telling me to never tell the vendors its for a wedding. It makes me way too nervous to not tell them. I don't want seem like I'm trying to pull one over, but I am interested if vendors really do mark up wedding services. (I still tell them its for a wedding...I'm way too nervous of a person to think I'll get caught haha)

That's just kind of odd people think that way. Honestly I've gotten things at a discount and even free -because- it is my wedding. Why would people think they are going to up charge because of a wedding? And why the deception, just be honest people.
Anything at my local print shop (contracts I've had to print out and sign and send back to different hotels and vendors) all free because it's for my wedding. My caterer? I got over $1000 off because my wedding cake lady referred me for my wedding and I paid in full. My cake lady does and has done almost all wedding cake for over 30 years and she was cheaper than anyone else and had hands down the best cake.

There are a few others as well, but all of this I've gotten because I've said it's my wedding and just been completely honest and friendly with them. The "wedding community " in my area is just the most helpful bunch. Always giving me referrals and helping out above and beyond.

As for MrsJackson though. Just let them give the advice they give. You don't want to seem like a naysayer. But if you want to you can always mention you believe honesty is the best policy.

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From the research I did finding venues, it seemed to be majority venues that increase for weddings. I only found 2 venues that charged the same rate for all events.

HMUAs are the only vendor (through my researching of vendors) that charged more for weddings than they did for like prom or pictures.

But that is awesome you have gotten free things or discounts for wedding things!

Oh yeah! With our venue we also got a bit above $800 off, we rented for the entire weekend and they had a daytime event on Friday. So they gave us a discount in addition to more time on Sunday. Even though we'll be able to show up on Friday ar 5pm.
I know when I was looking at venues all of the ones I looked at had their prices posted on their websites. So there was no upcharging going on, at least with the bunch we toured.
HMUA, I bet so. But they kind of specialize for it. Plus if you think about it most prom people goto their HMUA, and weddings most times they want the HMUA to come to them. So I could see difference in prices there.

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So the MOH said she was asking around about the wedding cake and told the bakers it's for "an event for geologist"... and the bride is totally okay with it.

I guess she'll figure it out later.

The thing is is that she has a full time wedding planner, so I'm not sure what her wedding planner is saying.