My mom keeps trying to tell me to invite her friends. I dont have a relationship with them... why would i want them at my wedding. I thought having it in a different state and covid would make them have an excuse to not come. My mom keeps telling her friends and hyping it up. I hate it. None of them were invited.. but now i pretty much have to or else shes mad but then my husband wil probably tell her 1000% worse stuff than I would say.. Im definitely a push over and he is not. ALSO complaining about me not doing plated(its expensive) its not classy. Its trashy... well im sorry i dont have 80k to have a nicer wedding for people i dont really care about... sorry it is what it is. Im not close to no one except my friends and my husband and his family. My mom has been trying to control everything and me.
No one anywhere has any obligation to invite people they do not want in attendance. Tell her no and you will not discuss it again. Repeat that as often as you have to. No one has the right to bully or pressure anyone, blood or not, and you do not have to cave to her demands. If you give into her with this, it will only get worse when she threatens you because you don't move to the city/house she picks or you got pregnant in the wrong month or you don't raise your kids her way. It's a neverending cycle once you give them an inch.
Fiance/husband needs to support you emotionally 100% in this and enforce boundaries together. Don't invite her and cut out all the toxicity. What she is doing to you is very damaging.
I feel your pain. Mom n I have the same dynamic. We wanted a small wedding, mom wanted whole family... The whole family was invited. My fiance isn't afraid to call her out n only holds back for me but it's still caused problems between them.
Tell her no and stand your ground NOW. Otherwise, this behavior will just persist into the future. By giving in, you will be rewarding/reinforcing her behavior. By ignoring her/not giving into her demands, you establish proper, healthy boundaries. I agree with pp - tell her no and that the matter is closed. You will not be discussing it further. If she wants to be mad, so be it. If you give in now and her behavior persists, her angry response to you telling her no sometime down the line will just get worse.
Our rule is that we will not be meeting anyone for the first time at our wedding. You should stick with exactly what you want and who you want there. Parents can sometimes mistake your wedding day as a social hour for them, I would try to remember that the day isn’t about anyone but you and your fiancé. My go-to is to use COVID as an excuse and say you have a strict guest max and you have to be selective! BUT If your parents are paying for your wedding, you can’t really deny them a few of their close friends. If they are paying for it all, I say just try to let it slide and hope they bring great gifts LOL
I have the same problem with FILs. I understand no is a complete sentence and they don’t get a say. But it’s also about the relationship as a whole. We eventually stopped telling them things before they were done. So they don’t like Dj’s. We paid the deposit and signed a contract and then told them about the DJ(when they asked). They don’t like: the venue, the food, the DOC, how we’re doing the bar, the desserts, the groom attire, centerpieces, the fact there are no flowers, and I’m sure there’s more. The only thing they haven’t commented on was my dress. I totally get where you are coming from (except it’s his family, not my mom) and it sucks and I’m sorry. Just keep breathing and remember it’s one day and you get to marry who you love!!
Thank you everyone! My husband & I have been paying for this the whole time. Then she gave us 5000. We are INCREDIBLY thankful because now we dont have to make sure we have saved a x amount of money. But she told my bridesmaid that well it my day to and i can invite whom ever i want. She told me im like ... see this is why i probably shouldn't have taken the money. Also my i add TRADITIONALLY its the brides side that pays for the wedding. So yeah we are definitely over the money anount she gave us. She didnt win the battle of my bridal shower.. lol that is a win.( In my previous rants i mentioned it. ) i dont mind the friends coming. Its just that its getting to oh they HAVE TO